By John Birmingham
So, Foxtel has put a bullet into the deal that let Australian viewers buy Game of Thrones, and other premium HBO series, episode by episode as they aired.
No Foxtel, nooooo…
Jack Gleeson as Joffrey Baratheon.
I don’t mind going into the stocks and getting pelted with soft fruit and monkey poo for telling people they should pay for Game of Thrones. Or anything they consume that somebody else created to try pay the rent or feed their kids. I loves me my Game of Thrones and I’m happy to pay for it. I’m also happy to rag on the millions of freeloaders who don’t feel the need to pay for it.
But Foxtel, oh Foxtel… being allied with you makes JB’s tummy feel sick. What were you thinking when you decided it’d be a good idea to throw your monopoly power around and snuff out the deal delivering freshly baked eps of GoT via iTunes and Quickflix to the millions upon millions of people who don’t subscribe to your crappy, repetitive overpriced shake-down racket?
Emilia Clarke as Daenerys Targaryen.
Oh, no, let me guess. You figured that by removing a timely and legitimate method for viewers to watch the show within a couple of hours of its US release, you would force a handful of extra punters to take out one of your lousy subscriptions?
Well here’s a slow, sad little golf clap for you, Foxtel.
What you’re actually doing by trying to shore up your monopoly is guaranteeing that a whole heap of viewers who ponied up good, honest money to watch that series by a method other than membership of your exclusive club are now more likely to sign up to channel Bit Torrent.
And what’s more, in the twisted ethical house of mirrors that is freetard logic, they’ll feel they are even more entitled to do so because you, Foxtel, are the TV equivalent of that unemployed bus driver who kidnaps young girls and holds them prisoner in the basement for years.
This may come as a surprise to you, Foxtel, but not everyone gets hard, shiny wood at the prospect of handing over a hundred-plus bucks a month for the shower of offal which fills up most of your schedule.
Not everyone who follows the doins and a-goings-on in Westeros brings the same level of needy anticipation each week to, say, Extreme Couponing, or I Didn’t Know I Was Pregnant or any of those 83 execrable Housewife shows forever snuffling at the stained G-strings of carnivore she-devils with interchangeable boob jobs.
You did a good thing when you leaned into the task of getting the best TV to our screens within hours of its release in the US, Foxtel. But by denying people the choice to watch their favourite TV by a perfectly legal method just because you can’t stand the idea of having to compete, you reverted to type.
Which type? The type who profit from shows like Embarrassing Bodies. The type who diminish humanity just by being part of it.
All the things are free over JB's personal blog, Cheeseburgergothic, including extracts from Charlie Stross's Bloodline Feud, and today's authoritative essay on which army from history would be best at fighting zombies.