Robbery, Death Threats, & Star Wars
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Monday, October 19, 2015

Quick Hits From Over The Weekend

The Main Event
WHAT?
The Michigan State Spartans defeated the Michigan Wolverines 27-23 over the weekend on the final play of the game, which is already being described as "a miracle."

WHAT ELSE?
Leading 23-21 with 10 seconds left in the fourth quarter, the Wolverines had won the game. First-year head coach John Harbaugh led his team to victory over their in-state rival Spartans. News stations were reporting on the Wolverines hard-fought triumph, and the subsequent celebration by fans in the streets of Ann Arbor. But let's not forget, there were still 10 seconds left in the game...

Lined up in punt formation, Michigan's center pitched a low snap to punter Blake O'Neill, who proceeded to etch his name in Michigan football infamy by fumbling the game away to Michigan State's Jalen Watts-Jackson, who ran the ball back for a touchdown with no time remaining. Game Over.

THOUGHTS?
We wouldn't want to be O'Neill right now, who's been enjoying death threats since the conclusion of the game. Look at the bright side, O'Neill, at least you live in America where "death threats" are nothing more than vague declarations made by nerds sitting behind computer screens. Unlike the third world, where fans are willingly to literally rip the head off of any sports figure that displeases them.

Good Sport
DEFEATED NO MORE
In an entry that could almost be a "Bad Sport"...

The Detroit Lions have won their first game of the season. Six weeks into the year, the Lions finally experienced the sweet taste of victory with a thrilling 37-34 overtime win against their division rival, and fellow terrible football team, the Chicago Bears (2-4). It didn't come without controversy, but Detroit's victory means the 2008 Lions' 0-16 record is safe for another year.

Somewhat Related: The Anaheim Ducks of the NHL won their first game of the year.

Bad Sport
ALMOST AWESOME
In an entry that could almost be a "Good Sport"...

San Diego Chargers quarterback Philip Rivers became just the 16th player to throw for 500 yards in an NFL game. Rivers turned the Green Bay Packers secondary into swiss cheese (sorry, we had too) en route to 503 passing yards off 43 completions on 65 attempts, all Charger records. So why is Rivers a "Bad Sport," you ask? The Chargers lost the game because Rivers and co. couldn't punch the ball in on first and goal with time expiring at the end of the contest. A score would have sent the game into overtime, but the Chargers were stuffed four times in a row, resulting in a 27-20 victory for the Packers. Rivers had the game of a lifetime, but it was all for naught.

G.O.A.T of the Weekend (What is G.O.A.T.?)
Daniel Murphy. The New York Mets second baseman has hit a home run in four straight playoff games, with the latest coming against Cubs ace Jake Arrieta in the Mets' 4-1, Game 2 victory over Chicago. Murphy is the first player in Mets history to go yard in four straight postseason games, a performance worthy of a Jerry Seinfeld slow clap.

Goat of the Weekend (What's a Goat?)
Michigan punter Blake O'Neill. Obvi.

(Dis)Honorable Mention: Commentator Jay Glazer, who's inability to catch a football cost Fox a TV monitor.

Quote of the Weekend
"Good Morning" - Lamar Odom

The former Los Angeles Lakers star woke from a coma long enough to utter these words and give a thumbs up. Odom had been on the brink of death after a drug-fueled visit to a Las Vegas-area brothel.

Honorable Mention: "Girl, you better go sit yo ass down" - Arizona Cardinals safety Tyrann Mathieu

What to Watch
NFL. Monday Night Football: Giants at Eagles – 8:30pm ET on ESPN
STAR WARS. The new trailer for "The Force Awakens" will debut tonight during halftime on Monday Night Football
BASEBALL PLAYOFFS. ALCS Game 3: Royals at Blue Jays - 8pm ET on Fox Sports 1
SOCCER. Premier League: Swansea vs. Stoke City - 2:55pm ET on NBC Sports; FIFA U-17 (Under 17) World Cup Chile 2015: New Zealand vs. France - 3:55pm ET on Fox Sports 1
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