The City of Birmingham wants to look frugal.
Like Nick Nolte wants to look ... young. And reasonable.
Mayor William Bell, with the tact of a SWAT team and the grace of a water buffalo, earlier this year issued an edict saying the city would -- "due to economic reasons" -- no longer waive fees for city services at events and festivals like this weekend's Magic City Art Connection. So that festival, which has drawn people downtown for three decades, will get a city bill for at least $12,000.
Got a 5K run like the Race to the Courthouse or the Mutt Strutt? Prepare to pay thousands. Or - more likely - prepare to find another place to race.
I know, I know. It sounds like a good idea to make these non-profits pay their freight. There are costs to closing streets, costs to police overtime and to maintaining 24-hour security at a place like Linn Park.
Magic City Art Connection (Tamika Moore/tmoore@al.com)
Charging fees may well be what a good, fiscally responsible, genuinely frugal city would do.
If Birmingham were otherwise a good, fiscally responsible, genuinely frugal city. But we know it is not.
We know every time a Birmingham Council member wants to fly to Washington DC -- which is just about every week -- the city will drop $5,000 like it's hot.
And that's about the same amount the city wants to charge for charity road races that bring thousands downtown and raise money for the city's most deprived people.
Birmingham can have a race. Or Johnathan Austin can go to another conference.
Birmingham can have an event. Or Jay Roberson can go to the islands.
Birmingham can have a dozen races. Or the mayor can go back to London and Paris, to India, Scandinavia and China.
Don't feed us a line of budget-conscious bull. If you added up the travel spending of all major Alabama cities for a year they wouldn't equal what Birmingham spends in a good month.
Yet in the name of "economic reasons" the city will suddenly make it tough on those who bring others downtown to experience the city as the city claims it wants people to do.
They might as well just stick out an unwelcome mat.
The city sent the same message last year when it raised parking rates downtown, requiring visitors to bring a sack full of quarters just to stay for an hour. Don't let the meter readers hit you on the way out.
The council ultimately saw that as a dumb idea, and reversed the decision - though it still didn't change all the meters back.
These events do cost the city money. They do. There's no question about it. The city argues that police spend $100,000 a month in overtime on summertime on events, and the yearly total could top $2 million.
But it is a question of choices. Who, and what, does this city want to be?
The mayor has a million dollar security team, and the city each year spends $600,000 on parties and protection at the Magic City Classic - not counting the "free" tickets those "dignitaries" pocket.
This is a place, remember, that gives $500,000 in cash and tax incentives to rebuild a McDonald's in the place of an old McDonald's.
But we charge a fee to non-profits, giving incentives for people to stay away.
We beg for attention. And charge a fee to the people who bring it.
We travel the world, inviting people to see the new life in the city, and charge a fee those who breathe that life into the place.
We want for all the world to make a good impression. If we aren't careful, we will make no impression at all.