4 Smooches!
Synopsis
He broke my heart.
She died.
He used me.
She made my world go round.
He tore me apart, put me back together and tore me up again.
She was the only person who truly loved me.
My mental state is…questionable. My life is in ruins. My heart is ripped to shreds and it’ll probably never be put back together again.
My twin sister, Sarah, passed away a few days ago. She was the sun in my sky, the grass between my toes and the light to my dark. I miss her so much. I don’t know if I can go on without her.
My ex boyfriend, Tate, has come back into town for the funeral. I feel rage. I feel despair. I have violent urges. I have this need for revenge were he’s concerned.
My brother-in-law, Max, is acting…strange. I think he’s hiding something, something I don’t want to find out. He might be the glue though, the glue I need to hold me together.
My name is Farah and I want to get even for every single lie I’ve been told. I want to get even for all the things people have hid from me. Mostly I want to get even for this black hole my heart has been turned into.
*Complete standalone. Not connected to any other series. That is the only warning you’ll get.
Review
This book begins during a dark and intense time for the main character, Farah, as her twin sister and best friend, Sarah, has just died very tragically but not unexpectedly. Farah needs her sister like she needs air, and she is not sure how she is going to go on without her or if she even wants to go on. Her pain and desolation during this time is a palpable thing. Farah’s feelings of despair at the loss of her sister are all the more magnified by the fact that she is still recovering from a sudden and unexpected breakup a few months earlier with her much beloved boyfriend, Tate, who left her without giving her a reason, a warning or even a goodbye.
“My sister, my best friend, my other half, is gone. She’ll no longer to be to catch me when I fall.”
All Farah has left is her three year old nephew, Blake; her brother-in-law, Max, who also happens to be Tate’s half brother; and her grandfather, affectionately known to everyone as Pops. She has a toxic, tumultuous relationship with her parents, especially her mother, who has always been cruel and obvious in her hatred of Farah. She has been physically, mentally and emotionally abusive towards Farah, and only Farah, her entire life, and she’s never known her mother’s reasons for the deplorable way she was treated.
“When life throws you nothing but shit, you shouldn’t ever expect anything but shit.”
While Farah grieves for the loss of her sister, she is also dealing with the nearly overwhelming anger, hatred and rage she feels toward Tate, who is now back to supposedly support his brother as he grieves for his wife. Tate’s reappearance in Farah’s life throws her further into a tailspin as the chaotic thoughts churning through her head as well as the haunting hallucinations of her sister cause her to spiral into a deep depression that has her questioning her mental stability as well as acting out unpredictably. Surprisingly considering she always assumed he hated her, it’s Max that is holding Farah together as much as she is holding him together. Undoubtedly, Sarah’s death brings Max and Farah together in ways they never have been before but are interestingly natural.
“I’m lost, broken, hurt and full of despair. How do I go on?”
Weeks after her sister’s death, while still reeling from the loss and consumed by depression, Farah discovers letters addressed to her, Max and Blake from Sarah. The contents of her letter from Sarah changes Farah’s life as she knew it, and she is completely rocked by what Sarah confesses to her in that letter. Farah is taken completely by surprise and is utterly devastated by the magnitude of the lies, manipulations and deceits perpetrated against her by Sarah and Tate and, to a very much lesser extent, Max. As a result, Farah becomes overrun with the need to get even with Tate for these lies and manipulations. But exacting her revenge on him isn’t quite as cathartic as Farah expected it to be as his hurled words during this violent confrontation open her eyes to some hard truths, as well as some surprising ones. Ultimately, it is this encounter with Tate that sparks Farah’s healing process and begins her on a journey of reinvention after the loss of her sister. However, the biggest surprise to come out of all of this is the knowledge that Max loves her and has been in love with her for a long time. After much reflection, and over some time, Farah realizes that she loves him as well. The question is, though, can Farah get past her self-doubts, fears and reservations about Max being her sister’s widower to actually allow herself to pursue a relationship with him that would surely result in real, true happiness?
“You forgive because you love that person more than you love yourself.”
The beginning third of the book was all about Max and Farah’s grief and loss, and the author did an amazing job of expressing those emotions so the reader truly felt the depth of them right along with the characters. This book was full of gut-wrenching emotion, and I cried right along with Farah. The middle of the book really focused on Farah’s anger in the face of the lies and manipulations she unknowingly experienced at the hands of those she loved and her reactions and responses to that anger. The final third of the book saw Farah moving on from her anger and forgiving her sister, Max, and to some extent, Tate, as she also accepted her role in everything that had happened. It took a long while for Farah to embrace love with Max, and I admit that I was frustrated by several false starts after Farah had mini freak-outs that could easily have been abated by a conversation with him. For two people who know exactly how fleeting time can be, they sure did waste a lot of it. Thankfully, they got there in the end.
“I love you. Whether it’s wrong or right.”
This story was very well written, and it was an intensely emotional, angsty read. The author did a fantastic job of conveying the characters’ emotions in such a way that the reader was drawn in and feeling them. I loved the alternating points of view; it was interesting getting into these characters heads. I truly enjoyed this emotional rollercoaster of a story. 4 smooches!!
~ Danielle Palumbo
