Quick Hits

The Main Event

WHAT?
The Chicago Cubs defeated the St. Louis Cardinals last night, and will advance to the National League Championship Series.

WHAT ELSE?
It's been a historic week for the Cubs who, along with sealing their NLDS series against the Cards, set a playoff record for the most home runs hit in a single post-season game (6). It's been such an exciting week that even President Obama is pulling for them, which is total bullshit because no self-respecting White Sox fan would ever root for the Cubs, and vice versa.

THOUGHTS?
For the first time ever, the Chicago Cubs have clinched a postseason series within the confines of Wrigley Field. This must be the saddest happy day in history for Cubs fans, as they got to see their beloved Cubbies move on while they were simultaneously reminded about the futility of a team who had never won a playoff series at home in franchise history, dating back to 1876, which is the same year Alexander Graham Bell patented a newfangled device called the "telephone." The Cubs will face the winner of the Dodgers/Mets NLDS series in the NLCS this coming Saturday.

Good Sport

THE MAN WITH THE GOLDEN FEET
Cristiano Ronaldo of Real Madrid has won his fourth Golden Shoe award, which is an honor given to the top scoring soccer player across Europe's top five leagues. Ronaldo's fourth Golden Shoe is the most for any player in history. Notably, it places him above his much shorter, and goofier looking rival, Lionel Messi, who has three. Moving on to someone who won't be winning a Golden Shoe anytime soon...

Bad Sport

WHERE'S YOUR HEAD AT?
Own goals have to be some of the most entertaining things you can witness in a soccer game, except for maybe watching a good flop. The one thing that can make an own goal even more hilarious, though, is when it results in catastrophe for an entire nation, much like Robin van Persie's own goal did for the Netherlands during a Euro qualifier against the Czech Republic. Persie inexplicably headed an own goal off a free kick, which helped secure the win for the the Czech Republic, while simultaneously disqualifying the Netherlands from the 2016 European Championships. D'oh!

Never Forget 

When this guy became our all-time favorite sports fan. Never Forget.

You Blew It

Upon further review, NFL referees shit the bed again in front of a national audience on Monday Night Football. Late in Monday night's game between the Pittsburgh Steelers and San Diego Chargers, 18 seconds erroneously disappeared from the game clock, right before the Steelers' final drive. The critical error flew (somewhat) under the radar as Pittsburgh won in the final seconds, but it would have blown up into major controversy had the blunder determined the outcome of the game, much like the tragedy that unfolded in last Monday's football game between the Detroit Lions and Seattle Seahawks. That's two weeks in a row NFL referees have figuratively pied themselves in the face due to their own ignorance. C'mon refs, you guys are blowin' it!

What to Watch

BASEBALL PLAYOFFS. ALDS Game 5: Rangers at Blue Jays - 4pm ET on Fox Sports 1; ALDS Game 5: Astros at Royals - 8pm ET on Fox Sports 1
NHL. Blackhawks at Flyers - 8pm ET on NBC Sports
WNBA FINALS. Game 5: Minnesota at Indiana - 8pm ET on ESPN2
BOXING. Premier Champions: Alexander vs. Martinez - 9pm ET on ESPN
GOLF. LPGA Tour: KEB-HanaBank Championship, First Round - 11pm ET on Golf Channel