Ennui...

... it's killing me.

Perfect artwork by Annelene Wahl.

Red Sea Radio is about to release a new digital single, and this one is very special to me.

I guess I need to begin way back in November of 1999.  I was freshly eighteen, and still living with my parents, driving around in a 1984 Volkswagon Vanagon that I purchased from a local rockstar and hairdresser.  I had a lot more chutzpah in those days (and I reckon most people, especially dudes, do.), and I wasn't hesitant to pick up a guitar and sing.  

One very late night I was in the living room trying to learn 'Girl' by the Beatles.  I kept messing up at the same part, and one time, out of frustration, I just began quickly strumming a succession of chords.  This accidental progression became the chorus to "Ennui (It's Killing Me)."  After old man Thompson yelled at me, and told me to go the fuck to bed, I retired the guitar for the evening.

The next day it was pissing down rain, in that miserable way that November does sometimes.  I struggled to get out of bed before 1pm, and was dreading going to my psuedo-job at a local coffehouse/record store/music venue.  Eventually, though, I ambled out of bed, flipped on the television, and began to watch Disney's 1977 animated film, The Adventures of Winnie-the-Pooh.  Those who are familiar with Pooh, may remember the song from the flooding of the Hundred Acre Wood, right as Piglet is swept out of his house. It goes something like "and the rain, rain, rain, came down, down, down in rushing, rising, rivlets..."  And that became the first line of the chorus, "And the rain came down..." (Yeah, I'm a fucking thief.)  

Coupling that opening line, with my general attitude toward leaving the house and doing things (an attitude that maintain to this day), I managed to cobble together some very dour lyrics, set to a rather jaunty, Beatles-esque tune.  

The song sat in my brain for a couple of months.  There was an attempt at performing it with a hastily formed band called "Temporary Ben", but that didn't last, and the afterward of it could be a different blog about different things all together.  Alas, the song continued to sit in my brain, where it went through some mental refinements;  counter-melodies being formed from the vocal melody, a short key change after the bridge, etc...

Twelve years later, an asshole said something assholish to me, (nothing new there, us assholes always practice our trade on each other) mocking me about being "in a band."  In the context, which I'd love to get into, but again, that would be another blog all together, I should have let the comment go.  But I couldn't.  So I called up the members of the (at the time) defunct Red Sea Radio, and hastily arranged some practice sessions. I wanted to put this fucking song out into the world.  After a couple nights of rehearsal, we rented a Fender Rhodes electric piano, and booked some time at Seventh Wave.  We cut the drums, keys and bass on a Saturday in December 2011.  And despite leading to a kick ass show a year later (Red Sea Radio, Live at the End of the World)... the song was shelved.

Once again, the song sat... on a hard drive (that's a step forward, I guess), and in my brain.  Occasionally filtering out into the world as a bedtime song for my son, Michael.  And it was the occasion of Michael's fourth birthday that finally brought this thing to completion, 15 (almost 16) years after it was ejaculated into existence.  I had already bought him all the Rescue Bots, and felt he needed something MORE for his birthday.  Something he may not appreciate at four years old, but may come to cherish later.

Using the existing backing tracks, Jackieraye, Adam and I once again headed to Seventh Wave and cut guitars and vocals, in two nights of what I'd consider a pretty fun time.  Karen and Lanie joined us for some hand clapping, and in fairly short order, I had a rough mix to give to Michael for his birthday.  

The icing on the cake, so to speak, was when I asked Lanie (Michael's big sister) to do a little drawing to act as cover art for Michael's copy.  I expected something nice, because the girl can draw, but I didn't expect something as perfect as what she presented me.  I quickly scanned it, and it's now the official artwork for the single (see above), because, as Jackieraye said, "she gets us!"

Now, after some polish to the mix, and a mastering session with the brilliant Mr. Rubal, it's ready for the world outside of my brain, and outside of bedtime sing-a-longs.  I don't really go on about writing process of individual songs that I write, or record, unless it's for more technical reasons, or as a portfolio piece.  (Who really gives a shit?)  But this song is important to me.  It has stuck with me for so long because I think, musically, it's the closest thing to an ear worm I'll ever write, and lyrically, it's still a very accurate and honest portrayal of how I often feel.  And yes, musically it borrows from 'Girl' by the Beatles, and lyrically, it seems like Robert Smith re-wrote the words to "I'm Only Sleeping", but it's still earnest in a way that I can't help but be proud of.

I must say thanks to the others in Red Sea Radio; Jackieraye, Adam, Al and Chad, who all went above and beyond in the recording of this song. And thanks to Michael, for inspiring me to finish what I started.  And thanks to that asshole who pissed me off enough to start what I finished.