I Wiped My Butt With Red Toilet Paper Like Beyoncé

When Beyoncé's alleged rider for her world tour, The Mrs. Carter Show, leaked and revealed bizarre demands, one thing on the list caught my eye: "Bathrooms must have new toilet seats and red toilet paper at every venue."

WHERE THE EFF does one find red toilet paper and how can I find some?!

After some seriously deep investigation on Google, I found that red toilet paper is in fact a thing that exists. The only makers of colored tooshy tissue is Renova, a European-based company that produces paper goods in countries like Japan, France, the UK, Germany, Switzerland, and now the USA. FYI: In addition to Beyoncé's reported go-to red, they have a rainbow of toilet paper options, including blue, yellow, pink, green, and orange. I wonder if yellow toilet paper feels or smells different than red toilet paper...

ANYWAY. As a member of the Beyhive, I needed to see what the fuss was about with this alleged bum tissue my Queen B uses. The toilet paper can only be bought online here at $6 (pricey, much?) for a pack of two rolls. Luckily, I was able to get my hands on a roll.

Lightly perfumed and extremely soft with three layers, the red toilet tissue kind of looks like a roll of streamers you'd use to decorate a little girl's birthday party. Instead, it would be used on poo. When I headed to the bathroom with my new bum paper in tow, did my business, and wiped my nether regions, I felt like I was patting my lady bits and buttonhole with a smooth cotton tee. Also, there were no tissue pieces left behind. I had a clean vadge and bum and basically felt prepared to rule the world. This was toilet paper of the stars.

I then used regular toilet paper to compare. Ooph. There was definitely a difference. The reg TP felt rough, like I was scratching my booty with a brush. I can see why a star like Beyoncé might request only luxurious red toilet paper be in all the bathrooms. Your private parts deserve to be treated like royalty. Happy bottom, happy life.

And thanks to Queen B, Renova is now offering a 30 percent discount on red toilet paper.

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Photo: Getty Images/Renova