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Hellin Kay

Time to change your Tinder profile: New research suggests that believing you and your significant other are soul mates can actually hurt your relationship, NYMag.com's Science of Us blog reports. The study, led by University of Toronto professor Spike W.S. Lee, found that the idea of being MFEO (or "made for each other," for those who haven't seen Sleepless in Seattle, which you should), leads to more dissatisfaction when conflict arises.

The study primed two different groups consisting of individuals who'd been in their current relationship at least six months with two different messages. One group was exposed to several phrases that refer to the idea of soul mates like, "we are one," "my better half," and "made for each other," while the other group was presented with ideas that alluded to a journey: "we've walked together," "a long trail," "look how far we've come." Afterward, participants were asked to write down two bad memories or two good memories they'd shared with their partner, then rate how satisfied they were in their relationships.

Those on team "love is a journey" rated their relationships higher on the satisfaction scale compared to those in the soul mate camp when they shared negative memories. Which makes sense, Professor Lee told The Science of Us, because if you focus on the idea that your other half is your fated other half, you believe you "should have perfect harmony, no conflicts whatsoever. When reality proves otherwise, as it almost inevitably does, it hurts all the more," he says.

The other downfall of the soul mate mantra: You're more likely to kiss and break up than fight and make up. "There is research that shows that people who believe in 'destiny' put less effort into working through relationship conflict," said Benjamin Le, chair of the department of psychology at Haverford College and co-founder of the site Science of Relationships. "The idea here is that if we are soul mates, then nothing will go wrong in our relationship, and it will be easy. A conflict makes a destiny-believer question whether the current partner is actually their soul mate, and then they give up on working it out." Meanwhile, people who believe in growth, "see a disagreement as an opportunity for the couple to grow closer as they work it out together," he says.

So maybe next time, instead of telling someone "you're my lobster," serenade him with "Life Is a Highway." That's lasting romance.

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Sally Holmes
Editor-in-Chief

Sally is the Editor-in-Chief of InStyle. Prieviously, she was the Editor-in-Chief of Marie Claire. She came to Marie Claire from ELLE.com, where she was the Executive Editor. Before that, Sally was at New York Magazine's The Cut and graduated with an English major from Boston College. Her favorite Harry Potter is Order of the Phoenix.