Quick Hits

The Main Event

WHAT?
The United States men's national soccer team (USMNT) will play one of the most important games in the program's history when they face Argentina in a Copa América Centenario semifinal match tonight. With a win, the USMNT would reach a major international final for just the second time ever (2009 Confederations Cup).

WHAT ELSE?
Sure, the USMNT has strung together some Copa wins (more than most have expected, anyway), but now they face arguably the best national team in the world, with the best player in the world, Lionel Messi. This is especially worrisome, considering the USMNT doesn't exactly have a stellar record against Argentina (2-6-2), with the last win coming all the way back when Eiffel 65's "Blue" (inarguably the worst song in human history) was raping American airwaves, also known as 1999. Not to mention Messi is on fire as of late (second-most goals in the tournament with 4), the USMNT will be without three starters (lost to red and aggregate yellow cards), and everyone plus their mother thinks Argentina will win this match (and probably the whole tournament).

Thus concludes the Debbie-downer portion of this piece, as we delve into blind-optimism. USMNT coach Jurgen Klinsmann is confident as all hell ("There’s no reason at all why we can’t win Copa America"), so why not go with it? We suggest taking full advantage of Taco Tuesday by downing an obscene amount of margaritas (check out Good Old Sport's serving suggestion here), while you watch the game and scream the "I believe that we will win" chant until the USMNT wins or you get drunk enough that you think they did.

THOUGHTS?
On the plus side, even if the U.S. craps out, we still may get a chance to witness history. In Argentina's win over Venezuela on Saturday, Messi tied Gabriel Batistuta for most Argentina national team goals (54). One more gives Messi the record.

Good Sport

The Bravest Little Boy
Kansas City Chiefs free safety Eric Berry received the George Halas Award yesterday, given to an NFL player, coach, or staff member who's overcome the most adversity to succeed. Berry beat Hodgkin lymphoma to return to the field in 2015, and also won the NFL's Comeback Player of the Year award. Impressive, but we're not going to give too much credit to a grown man who still hasn't been able to overcome a child-like crippling fear of horses. "I don't mess with horses, bruh. It might come over here and throw a tantrum."

Honorable Mention: Wales walloped Russia 3-0 to top their group and reach the Euro 2016 Round of 16, in what's being called "the greatest night in Welsh sporting history."

Bad Sport

Viewing Party
Russian track and field athletes may have company as they sit on their asses and watch the Olympics from their couches this summer. The World Anti-Doping Agency announced yesterday that Russia and China's swimming teams are under investigation for doping, which may have included the manipulation of blood and urine samples. Since apparently no one from Russia's going, should we expect an Olympic viewing party at Putin's house this year?

(Dis)Honorable Mention: A fight just after Game 7 of the NBA Finals resulted in a fan being hospitalized in critical condition after being pushed off Oracle Arena's second deck. Details are scant at the moment, but we'll assume a Warriors fan who just paid $25k for a ticket wanted to get their money's worth after watching their team lose.

(Dis)Honorable Mention: The Philadelphia Phillies have lost seven games in a row, 11 of their past 12, and may very well never win another game again.

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