Let’s start with the disclaimer that used to accompany “Dr.” Ozzy Osbourne’s advice column in the Times:

Warning: Ozzy Osbourne is not a qualified medical professional. Caution is advised

Undeterred, and possibly thinking of the time Ozzy was hauled in front of a judge for singing his sad country song about being an alcoholic, Rod from Canterbury wrote in to ask what kind of booze produced the least painful hangover. Dr. Ozzy told Rod drinking was drinking, “and after the third glass, any rule you’ve made for yourself is gonna go straight out of the window,” so the real question is what to do the day after:

Over the years, I developed a fail-safe cure. Basically, I’d mix four tablespoons of brandy with four tablespoons of port, throw in some milk, a few egg yolks, and — if I was in a festive mood — some nutmeg. The second I woke, I’d mix it up and down it. The way it works is very clever: it gets you instantly blasted again, so you don’t feel a thing. The only drawback is that, unless you keep drinking, the hangover that eventually catches up with you is about a thousand times worse than it would have otherwise been.

I think I’d cut out the middleman and go straight to the hospital instead.

Below, Ozzy talks about hangovers and showbiz as he whips up some eggs in The Decline of Western Civilization Part II.