How to Work With Impossible and Unreasonable People?

No matter what line of work you’re in, you’ve most certainly have had your fair share of difficult people. In certain situations, you can simply avoid or ignore them, but it’s not that easy when that ugly customer is your co-worker, boss, or prospect. If we bear in mind that our relationships with our colleagues have a huge impact not only on our psychological well-being and job satisfaction but also on the productivity and success of the company, it’s clear that all these issues have to be carefully addressed and resolved. Unfortunately, it’s hard to reason with difficult people so you can’t always expect them to cooperate and participate in your constructive plans to patch things up.

Keep Calm

A primary impulse when a colleague takes the credit for your work or when they criticize you angrily in front of other people is to start an argument, but that’s the worst thing you can do. Instead of that, count to 10 and take a deep breath before you say or do something that you will regret and that will lead to an unpleasant altercation. Starting a feud with a difficult person isn't the battle worth fighting, and it will only leave you exhausted and stressed, and turn your office into a toxic workplace. Of course, this doesn’t mean that you should hand your head and bit your tongue. Just pick the right moment when you’re cool and collected, and tell the difficult person what bothers you in private. Don’t expect that they will change their ways, but at least you’ve had your say.

In Their Shoes

You need to try and understand a difficult person and try to put yourself in their position. No matter how absurd it sounds, understanding their issues and problems might help you realize how to approach them and establish better communication. Research studies have found that people are poor listeners and that they absorb only somewhere between 17% and 25% of the things they hear. That’s why working on your active listening skills can make all the difference. You can achieve that in several easy steps:

-      Make eye contact;

-      Establish rapport;

-      Clarify all the important things;

-      Paraphrase all the crucial points that they make during the conversation.   

Once you really hear them, maybe it will be easier for you to understand why they behave the way they do.

Be Heard

It can really be frustrating when the difficult person doesn’t seem to listen to what you have to say. People usually balk after they have been ignored, but repetition is an excellent tool in such situations. So, if your unreasonable and domineering co-worker doesn’t pay attention to what you say, address them directly, repeat your point, and ask them what their opinion is. Don’t give up even if you have to repeat it a couple of times. By showing them that you want to have your say, you’ll also come off as confident and competent.

Don’t Follow. Lead.

In healthy communication, participants should ideally take turns in leading and following. However, when you’re dealing with an aggressive person, they’re trying to impose their leadership and expect that you’ll follow them. This can be especially annoying when the domineering person sets a negative tone and starts dwelling on bad things. You can change this by introducing a new point of view and offering a solution to the problem. This proactive attitude is not only more constructive, but it will also put you in charge of the discussion.

Great Expectations

Misunderstandings and high expectations are among the most frequent culprits behind workplace conflicts. When you aren’t sure what’s expected of you, it’s very easy to make a mistake and let your boss or co-workers down. Whenever you get a task, make sure to ask everything that you don’t understand and always ask for clarification. Communication experts say that it’s best to discuss what’s expected from you, and what you expect from others, and create a document where all your tasks and responsibilities will be listed together with deadlines. This way you’ll reduce the risk of having to deal with unrealistic expectations of difficult people.

Put Bullies in Their Place

Bullies in the workplace operate in the same manner as bullies in any other context – when they smell the fear, they attack. In other words, if you stand up for yourself and show your teeth, you’ll make them back down. That air of intimidation about them is just a façade, as deep down they’re insecure cowards. So, whenever you’re subjected to bullying, remember that the person in front of you is actually a scaredy cat, who doesn’t know better than being a bully. Once you see them through, it will be easier for you to deal with them.