Transient Global Amnesia

Something wasn’t right. It was the third full day of our nine-day meditation retreat. That morning I’d conducted eight meditation interviews. They had gone well. But gazing across the dining hall where the yogis were eating their mid-day meal, I couldn’t remember whom I’d talked to or what we’d talked about.

And something subtler was missing. Ordinarily the mind filters out most of the information impinging upon it and automatically weaves the remaining data into a coherent image of what’s going on. My mind was having difficulty weaving things together.

I waved to Erika, asking her to come over. “I’m disoriented,” I said. “No, not disoriented. I’m just not oriented. I’m having trouble making sense of what I see.”

She called Lance over. They decided to take me to the hospital.

The ride in the car felt similar to a dream I’d had the night before. I don’t remember saying anything to them about the dream. Apparently I told them about it at least two dozen times.

After seven hours, two CAT scans, an MRI, more tests, and consulting specialists, the diagnosis was Global Transient Amnesia or Transient Ischemic Attack (TIA). It was caused by lack of oxygen to the brain. The reduced oxygen was the result of a small amount of plaque and a large amount of stress that caused blood vessels to contract or collapse.

“Transient” meant it was a temporary. There already was some brain atrophy, but not as much as might be expected in a 70 year old. However there was no current damage. I’d dodged a bullet.

The Burmese meditation master Sayadaw U Tejaniya is fond of saying, “Mindfulness alone is not enough.” We need to bring wisdom to awareness.

As the practice deepens, we drop some of the explicit supports. We don’t exactly stop any of the techniques. But they become wired in enough that they start to work automatically without so much effort.

I was humbled by how badly I’d misread my body signals. Unusual circumstances had made retreat preparation an up-hill climb. I knew I was tired. I had to recalibrate how I interpret those signals. I guess I’m not 35 any longer. Go figure. This was the wisdom coming out of the episode.

Sayadaw also says, “There are no mistakes. Only lessons.” I confess I thought about how I could stay on leading the retreat in a reduced capacity. But I was told the risk of a full stroke was much greater in the coming week. The wiser lesson was to leave the retreat, rest, consult with health care professionals, and sort out life-style choices before I did anything else.

I was worried the yogis would leave the retreat if I left. I was touched by how kind and loving they were toward me. They urged me to go and take care of myself. And I was encouraged that most had no intention of leaving. They would step up and figure out how to continue without me. I had deep faith in their collective wisdom. And I was heartened that they were confident as well. I left my dhamma talk notes with them.

Now the retreat is over. Many reported having a wonderful retreat.

As I reflect on the last ten days, two things stand out:

1. Thich Nhat Hahn suggests the next Buddha may be a community rather than an individual. When a group of people engage one another skillfully, the wisdom of the group is greater than the wisdom of anyone alone. A primary mode of dhamma transmission in the West has been through an individual teacher and a lecture, Q and A pedagogy. This has been called “the hungry bird” theory of teaching.

When I left the retreat, the yogis shifted from an individual to a collective style. The result was so successful that it encourages me to include much more collective engagement in how I teach.

2. The way the mind weaves together its model of ourselves and the world is so automatic that we hardly notice the process: “It’s just who I am.” When my mind stopped weaving so effortlessly, it was like looking inside myself and seeing a stranger: “That’s not who I am.” But there it was.

Today my familiar style of weaving has returned. But it’s much easier to see myself and the world as arbitrary constructs rather than solid realities. The view is fascinating and quietly exhilarating.

I recommend the view. I don’t recommend how I got there.

Mettā,

Special Events

Summer Saṅgha Gatherings, Tuesdays, 6:30-8:30,

Late June through August

Over the summer, we meet for 45 minutes of meditation. There is no formal program planned for after the sitting, but usually people like to stay for informal discussion and sharing about the practice. For more information click here. Please join us.

Saṅgha Gatherings, Tuesdays, 6:30-8:30,

September to mid-June

Our regular Tuesday saṅgha gatherings are open to anyone practicing or wishing to practice using our Buddhist Easing Awake style of meditation. From September through June we have various programs after the 45 minute sitting. For more information click here. You can find program notes for specific meetings here. Please join us.

Third Sunday peer-led retreats

A new sister saṅgha in Yolo county is offering self-guided daylong retreats once a month. Most of the people have trained with me or Bhante Vimalaraṁsi. So the style of meditation is familiar. They don’t offer talks or instruction — just time to practice together. Here's where you can get information or sign up.

Daylong Retreat

August 25

Doug will lead this daylong retreat hosted by the Sierra Insight Saṅgha in Placerville. It will emphasize non-dual awareness and meditation practice. The retreat is full.

Spiritual Journey Group,

Second Saturdays 8:30 to noon, September through June

We meditate for an hour, then explore other ways to deepen our practice, deepen our spiritual lives, and deepen our connections with each other. Note that we don’t meet during July and August. For information and signup, click here.

Walk in Nature & Meditation,

Last Saturdays, September through June, 9:00 to 11:00.

We meet with Lance Ryen at the Effie Yeaw Nature Center, 2850 San Lorenzo Way, Carmichael, CA 95608. Note that we don’t meet over the summer. For more information, send an email to Lance.

Dhamma Talk

September 13, 7:00 pm

Roseville Sitting Group, 214 Judah Street, Roseville. More information here.

Daylong Retreat

September 29, 8:30 am to 4:30 pm

Roseville Sitting Group, 214 Judah Street, Roseville

A day of sitting and walking meditation for new and experienced meditators. For information and signup click here.

Weekend Non-Residential Retreat

October 19-21

This retreat runs from Friday evening to Sunday afternoon with meditators going home each evening. Home hospitality is offered for those coming from out of town. For information and sign up, click here.

Daylong Retreat

December 1

More details to come.

Images in this newsletter and more from their creators may be found at http://unsplash.com/