Well, you know what they say, in Russia, correction trumps you. After a day of our usual media hellfire in this, our new psychological Mad Max reality, President Trump walked back statements he made in Helsinki that blatantly aligned him with Russian president Vladimir Putin and against U.S. security officials. Apparently, that's a thing that a U.S. president probs shouldn't do, so Trump held a conference today at the White House where he read from a written statement that said, essentially, "Whoops. My bad."
Yesterday, after meeting privately with Putin for two hours, President Trump said at a joint press conference that they'd discussed the 2016 U.S. elections and that pesky meddling thing. Trump once again brought up the Electoral College and the number of electoral votes he won (really) and backed Putin's version of events, saying "My people came to me... they said they think it’s Russia. I have President Putin; he just said it’s not Russia. I will say this: I don’t see any reason why it would be." And, honestly, if you can't believe the president of a nation with a long-standing hostile relationship with the U.S. when he says he didn't do something, who can you believe?
In any case, according to his remarks today, that was apparently the exact opposite of what Trump meant to say. "I accept our intelligence community's conclusion that Russia's meddling in our 2016 election took place," he said today. "Could be other people also," he added. Coulda been Russia. Coulda been China. Coulda been a ghost. Have we looked into whether ghosts are trying to meddle in our elections?
Trump took great pains to draw the line between meddling and colluding. What we have here is just innocent lil meddlin', not big bad colluding! What's everyone so upset about?
Trump went on to clarify the most damaging part of his Helsinki statement saying, simply, "Whoopsie! Me, a dumb dumb, said the wrong word. Coulda happened to anyone. Give a guy a break!" (I'm paraphrasing.)
According to Trump, when he said "I don't see any reason why it would be [Russia]." What he really meant was "I don't see any reason why it wouldn't be." See?! Simple mistake. Super awkward that it happened at a globally broadcast, hugely consequential, highly scrutinized press conference, but thems the breaks I guess. Sure woulda been nice if the one word he flubbed hadn't completely changed his meaning from "not criminal; just regular" to "super criminal; call the police."
Trump concluded his remarks by reminding us that though Russians be meddlin', it had no effect on the outcome of the elections. "Those scamps were just playing around," he said. "It was a training simulation for 2020."
All of this is great viral promotion for "Just Meddlin'!" a new sitcom airing in the fall on CBS about a pair of mischievous autocrats who get into and out of various capers.
It must be super awkward for Vladimir Putin to watch the footage, considering just yesterday Trump stood next to him and was like "This dude is awesome; have you met this dude?!" and today he's like "I don't know her. And also all his work product is a failure. What I meant to say is I would not recommend Russia for any of your meddlin' needs. No stars."
So, in summary, no need to worry: even though Mother Russia most def got their meddle on, the good news is it didn't have any effect except to tear apart the country from the inside out. But the election results? Never fear: you people did that to yourselves. You know what they say: in Russia the election meddles you.
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