It was in the mid-eighties, when I was trying to better my career situation by finding a new job, that I first noticed the parallels between dating and job-hunting. For job interviews and dates, I had special outfits set aside in my closet. On job interviews and dates, I tried my best to be witty and pleasant.
On dates and job interviews, I noticed my tendency to censor myself. I noticed the other person's tendency to put his best foot forward, too. I noticed the theatrical quality of both dates (first dates in particular) and job interviews.
When we've been on a date and we liked the person, we wonder "Did they like me too?" We sit by the phone, literally or figuratively. It's the same way when we're job-hunting!
Here are five more ways job-hunting is like dating:
First impressions count.
I remember a first date where the young man said "As soon as I saw you in the gym, I wanted to know you."
"Why is that?" I asked, and he replied "Because you're a redhead, and I love redheads." Ouch! It is easy to be nervous on a job interview or a date and blurt out something less than elegant. One time, I phone-screened a young man named Tim and invited him into our office for an interview the following day.
The next day at the interview time, our receptionist Donna called me to the front lobby to collect Tim, the job-seeker. I was about thirty at the time and Tim was about 24. Ask I walked into the lobby, Tim jumped up from his seat. "Are you Ms. Ryan?" he asked.
"Yes!" I said. "Call me Liz. It's nice to meet you."
"Wow!" said Tim. "You sounded so much younger on the phone!"
Everyone is on his or her best behavior, so you have to pay attention to very small clues.
It's important to walk through a job interview with a trusted friend the same way you might describe a first date to someone who knows you very well, to get his or her read on the event. You can't always trust your five senses on a date or a job interview, because you are in an altered state of reality. Your friend can bring you down to earth.
The fact that the conversation flows easily doesn't mean that things are going well.
I noticed as an HR person that the more obvious it was to me that the job applicant sitting in front of me was completely unsuitable for the position, the harder I worked to keep the conversation easy and flowing. When I knew someone was not going to move forward in the interview process, the topic of our conversation didn't matter anymore. The interview morphed into a social chit-chat session.
We talked about dogs and vacation spots. The conversation became very fun and friendly, meaning there was no traction in it -- no grit. When you're job-hunting and a job interview feels like a social conversation, it may be because your interviewer doesn't need to know anything more about your background, because it's clear to him or her that the job is not a great fit for you.
The worst thing you can do is to appear too needy.
Who is attracted to a romantic partner whose unspoken message is "Pleeeeeeez date me!"? No one with any self-esteem is! It's the same way on a job search. Know what you bring to the employer and don't grovel or beg for a job, or a second date for that matter. You don't need to!
If it's not supposed to happen, it doesn't matter how hard you wish for it to work.
The right person and the right job are both out there waiting for you to invest the time and energy it will take to find them. Don't waste your precious flame wishing things had gone differently than they did on a date or a job interview. Things went the way they did because it wasn't the right time, the right person or the right job.
Look forward, not back! Something even better is ahead of you -- but only if you trust yourself to find it.
