And now a dispatch from the Thirst Investigation Team.
Yesterday in France, my two favorite political profiteroles reunited because apparently they realized that all my push notifications are basically this 😡 or this 😱 and they wanted to lighten the mood. French McNugget Emmanuel Macron and Canadian Zaddy Justin Trudeau met in France for the Snack Biennial.
They smiled, clasped each other, and posed for pictures just like the sketches I put on my Vision Board. Le Secret, c'est vrai!
Trudeau, who has all the good looks (and all of the questionable policies) of an old-school Disney Prince awkwardly hugged Emmanuel Macron like he was picking Macron up for the Homecoming Dance. By the way, if anyone would like to read my YA novel called Le Bae and Mac, about two exchange students who go to Homecoming and fight crime, please let me know.
Dear TED Organization (attention: Ted), please accept my proposal to give a talk on the way that Emmanuel Macron, who is a chocolate eclair that was brought to life by a kiss from the Sugar Plum Fairy, is looking at Justin Trudeau.
Please note that my TED talk will be 12 hours long and contain 300 slides. It is also available to be adapted into a Broadway musical starring Taylor Trensch and Ben Platt.
No offense to literally everyone I know, but if your save-the-date doesn't have this photo, I'm not interested.
This is also acceptable.
Also this:
Actually, yes, this is the one. This one.
THIS. ONE.
No one has ever been as happy as these two are to see each other except me, sitting in America, looking at these photos, weeping happily in French.
