Ever the shrewd leader with his finger on the pulse of the nation, President Donald Trump has chosen to pick a fight with the birthplace of liberty. Philadelphia, said cradle of the American experiment, responded to Trump, "up yours."
The Philadelphia Eagles, 2018's Super Bowl champs, were scheduled to visit the White House today. As has become customary during this presidency, some of the team's members were choosing not to attend, either due to schedule conflicts or because they didn't want to be in the same room as the president. Late last night, Trump made the churlish decision to disinvite the entire team.
The White House then released an expanded statement, which framed the cancellation as somehow the will of the people, particularly the people of Philadelphia, who apparently were traveling to Washington, D.C., to watch their local Eagles players stand for the National Anthem with the president.
The life of the sports fan is complex and expensive.
In any case, the city of Philadelphia, which never sleeps on drama, clapped back immediately and vociferously. The Philadelphia Mayor's official Twitter took a strong, if diplomatic, stance.
Then the mayor, Jim Kenney, went to his personal Twitter where he took his earrings out and started street brawling.
It is actually remarkable how every single thing Trump does is the worst possible decision. Somehow, in his efforts to present himself as a freedom-fighting lover of liberty (who will definitely pardon himself of the crimes he's committed against the country), Trump has become the unrepentant suit-wearing bad guy in a sports movie about underdogs who drink locally brewed beer and work at a factory.
Even though Philadelphia is overrun by philanthropic do-gooders, boundary-pushing artists, Meek Mill on a motorbike, and whoever is staying in those expensive hotels they insist on building everywhere, the city will probably never lose its scrappy bona fides. And if there's one thing that Donald Trump is not, it's innocent. Sorry, what I meant to say is, if there's one thing that Donald Trump is not, it's scrappy.
He puts his name in gold on everything; he owns multiple golf courses; he made a whole television show about firing people. He's literally every villain from the 80s except perhaps Hans Gruber.
We'd better hope that Trump doesn't get us into a war because he can't even seem to win against an American city. He's like, "We're on the same side but I'm in charge." And the cities are like, "Arm the missile defense systems. There will be no further communications." Little Kevin Hart is out in these streets doing Hamilton raps and hyping himself up.
Even Ben Franklin's disease-riddled ghost was like, "Hey, scumbag: get bent."
This is a city that rang a bell too hard and built a monument to it. They're like, "If you're a real patriot, you'll look at this effed up bell. There's a crack right in the middle of it. Stick your face in it!" And you're like, "Yeah, that bell does look broken, although I imagine it still rings. Have you tried it?" And Philadelphia is like, "No! Shut up! The bell is broken! Admission is $20!"
When they won the Super Bowl, the people of Philadelphia took to the streets en masse and flipped a Prius. A Prius! There's a lot of metaphors happening there.
They climb poles for fun and celebration. This is a city that will best you in guerilla warfare and also a cursing contest.
Trump has tried to make lemonade out of the lemons he planted and grew himself by reframing today's event as a "Celebration of America" concert.
Not for nothing, but there's already a concert celebrating America: it happens on July 4th, it's hosted by Cuban-American child of immigrants, Pitbull, and it's in... Philadelphia.
Trump isn't helping his case by making what was supposed to be a celebration of a football team sound like a jubilee on a church lawn. No shade to the Marine Band and Army Chorus, these are not equivalent events. That's like when you buy tickets to a festival that Rihanna is headlining and then Rihanna has to drop out and the festival is like, "You should still come anyway! We've got tents! We've got beer! The sun will be out. Make a day of it."
And speaking of headliners, it's reported that after her much-ballyhooed appearance yesterday, after over 20 days out of the public eye, first lady Melania Trump will not make an appearance at the lawn party for freedom.
Maybe she'll be in Philly.
Follow R. Eric Thomas on Twitter.
Correction: An earlier version of this column stated that the Roots were hosting Wawa Welcome America. Though they have hosted in the past, they are not currently hosting this year.
