How Some Dating Advice Formed My Attitude Toward Networking

Tonight, I’m going to a business networking event. For many, these things are a piece of cake. For me, they’re a struggle, making me feel awkward and shy. In my previous professional life, I could avoid these events altogether. If I had to go, I could get away with stopping in for a few minutes and talking only to the people I knew.

That introvert’s paradise vanished when I left my job to become a freelance writer.

I started out with the naïve idea that all the professional contacts who praised my business articles, and told me I was a talented storyteller, were going to stand in line to hire me once they heard I was available.

It didn’t take long for me to realized what a fantasy that was. It brought to mind my single days before I met my husband, and a valuable piece of dating advice I received. I realized that, surprisingly, I could apply the same advice to my freelance career.

In my 20s and early 30s, I was single and lived alone in Chicago. My friends and I would lament the fact that it was so hard to meet people who were potential dates, let alone potential relationship material. (These were ancient times, before the internet and dating apps.) We wished that instead of spending our weekends on endless hunts for “The One,” some Prince Charming would knock on the doors of our tiny studio apartments and whisk us away to the suburbs.

We knew that this wasn’t going to happen. One day, a friend offered a different point of view. Our conversation when something like this:

Him: “When you’re asked out, don’t overthink it. Just go!”

Me: “But what if I know he’s not right for me?”

Him: “Go anyway. He’s not proposing; it’s just a date. As long as he’s not a total creep, go.”

Me: “Wouldn’t that be a waste of time?”

Him: “Maybe. But maybe he’ll take you to a party and you’ll meet “The One” there. Or maybe he’ll take you to dinner and that cute guy who smiles at you on the train every morning will be there. Or maybe he’ll turn into a lifelong friend. Or maybe he’d be perfect for someone else you know.”

Me: “Hmmm.”

Him: “What have you got to lose? You may be one step closer to meeting that special guy. Every single connection you make with another human being can open up another group of human beings that you would never have met had you not made that first connection.”

Fast forward to a few months ago, when I had a chance encounter with a client from my 9 to 5 days. He invited me to catch up over coffee. It was unlikely that his company would need my freelance services, but I went anyway.

Upon hearing about my new freelance venture, he put me in touch with someone who runs a networking group. After a brief email introduction from him, she kindly met with me too. She ended up introducing me to eight other people who she thought would be potential referral sources or clients.

Those eight contacts resulting in four meetings, two of which referred me to four more people! I spent the next two months meeting and talking to a whole new group of professionals.

Before each meeting, I'd have my doubts. I'd wonder if I would be wasting their time, or if they'd be wasting mine. Each time, I would remember my friend's advice. I would "just go" with an open mind, ready to listen and learn.

By taking on every opportunity for networking that was presented to me, I have expanded my circle of business acquaintances. I’ve met potential referral sources, vendors I will use or refer others to, professional mentors whose brains I can pick. I’ve received invitations to networking meetups like tonight’s event. I’ve been given the opportunity to submit a few proposals and to write some articles on spec. Aside from the possible freelance opportunities, the entire experience has increased my confidence tenfold.

I was astounded at the generosity of my fellow professionals as they offered advice and suggestions. Now it’s up to me to keep the momentum going by keeping my new connections open. I also owe it to my new network to return the favor by referring people back to them.

New business is not going to come knocking on your door. Networking is an essential part of being part of the business community. The benefits are worth the effort to work through any anxiety and nervousness you may have.

As my wise friend would say: “What have you got to lose? You may be one step closer to meeting that special client!”

My essays are based solely on my experiences in a variety of roles, helping small companies succeed. Thirty years of tiptoeing through the minefields of office politics are the only credentials I claim.