Last night, Lena Dunham made an appearance on Bravo's Watch What Happens Live With Andy Cohen, the program that holds the world record for television show with the most needlessly long title, and apparently her kettle was too full because she was spilling tea all over the place. Here for it! There is always going to be a large part of me that, no matter what, will always be here for Lena Dunham's antics. Don't @ me; @ your representative in a swing district. Lena Dunham is that rare celebrity who is not afraid to be her whole self in front of the cameras, which can sometimes lead to very interesting art and can sometimes lead to embarrassing public gaffes. Call me Sally Schadenfreude because I am here for both. Such is the gamble.
But, best of all (for me!) is that it also leads to a DGAF attitude when it comes to reading other stars for filth. These are my needs. Lena Dunham seems to have no problem reminding her fellow celebs that when you do clownery, the clownery comes back in an anecdote on a late night talk show. She's like an Old Hollywood star, showing up on The Dick Cavett Show, smoking 17 cigarettes, and telling a story about the time Clark Gable got so blotto at a party at Ava Gabor's house he started slow-dancing with her pet orangutan. That sort of willingness to tell everyone's business is so rare in Hollywood these days, which is why I thank the Lordt Beyoncé every day for people like Tiffany Haddish and Lena Dunham who are the griots of the good goss.
During Dunham's appearance on WWHL she played the game "Plead the Fifth," in which host Andy Cohen (of Bravo's Watch What Happens Live With Andy Cohen) asks three questions no publicist would ever let you answer and you're allowed to plead the fifth on one of them. Dunham, the voice of a shady generation, answered all three.
Before the segment even began, she peevishly noted that the last time she played this game (at a charity dinner!) Andy had gotten her to say that were Trump elected she would move to Canada. "I didn't move to Canada," she continued, arms crossed and scowling, "but it's all I hear about day and night." I love any segment that begins with the guest saltily bringing up an old beef they have with the host. In this Lena doesn't disappoint.
But she's only just getting started. For the first question, Cohen asked her to name the biggest misogynist in Hollywood. Unfazed, she made a pensive slurping sound (that sounds strange but that's exactly what it was) and then replied, "This is such a roughie cuz there's so many." I stan an effortlessly truth-telling queen!
Her answer: Daniel Tosh. "It's sort of like a dumb one to mention cuz he can't do anything, cuz he's just some herb," she said. I have called a lot of people a lot of creative names but herb is a new one for me and I'm obsessed. Notably, fellow guest Maggie Gyllenhaal blithely remarked that she did not know who Daniel Tosh was. (Please inscribe that sentence on my tombstone.)
Question two: set the record straight about what happened between Dunham and former Girls co-star Christopher Abbott.
Dunham's response: "I would say our difference was that I was amazing at my job and he couldn't handle it."
I. AM. SCREAMING. Know your worth, queen! Lena Dunham is that person who, when asked by a boss to do a self-eval before her yearly review, writes "I have my faults but ultimately I am extraordinary and I think you know that. If you didn't, now you do. Thanks for your time; no need to discuss this."
Lastly, Dunham was asked to name her least favorite of Taylor Swift's boyfriends. Cohen, shade sorcerer, reminded her that she was sitting next to the sister of one of Taylor's exes. Maggie, that perfect creature of unbridled talent, remained expressionless (probably because she was still trying to figure out who Daniel Tosh was). Dunham was careful with her answer, saying she wanted to do right by Marsha Blackburn's newest worst enemy. Her reply: Calvin Harris, the DJ who She's All That'd himself.
What a gift Lena Dunham is to a future grad student writing their thesis on the Golden Age of Reading. I can't wait until she's portrayed by Catherine Zeta-Jones in a forthcoming season of Ryan Murphy's FX Presents Feud: Bravo's Watch What Happens Live With Andy Cohen.
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