By Cynthia Martin
For the Sequim Gazette
Changes in life are tough for all of us — some just a little, and others really important and difficult. It is easy to forget that entering kindergarten is a major transition in your child’s life.
It involves a change in his environment almost as disrupting as moving to a new home. Larger settings can create anxiety for any child who has difficulty adjusting to change.
Going to kindergarten also involves adjusting to a new group of friends. Even if your child has been in preschool or another group, it will be a big change with many new people. Some of these other children will be friendly; others will not. He can be fearful that all the children will reject him.
We know that a child who has good social relationships has an easier time learning. We also know the importance of success for a child in her earliest years. A child who has academic and social difficulties early in school is likely to continue to have problems.
It’s important to plan ahead for your child’s kindergarten experience and transition. It is also worth spending some time to do this preparation because starting kindergarten is a major event for both of you.
Dealing with fear
This is a time when many children will need to talk about being fearful with someone. Children have many kinds of fears such as fear of the dark, fear of spiders, fear of animals, fear of being alone … and fear of going to kindergarten. One of the ways a young child handles fear is by crying, throwing temper tantrums and clinging. Your response at these critical times is very important.
None of us want our children to be fearful, but that is sometimes easier said than done. This is a time your child needs to have you listen to him, comfort him and be there for him. Let your child talk about his fears and know that you take him seriously.
His fears may not seem serious to you, but they certainly are to him. He needs to know you understand, care and can help.
Talk with your child about his fear. It may not seem all that important but it really is; talking to your child is one of your most important jobs.
Your child is storing every word that he hears. He may not use the word right away but you are helping him handle his fears and also helping him develop his language skills to be ready for school and forever.
So even if you are really busy, talk with him. This can be while he is brushing his teeth or riding in the car, while you are packing lunches, making dinner or are comforting him.
He needs to talk about his fear of going to school with someone who really understands, who cares and who can help.
If you think he might be having fears about something such as school, ask questions. Help him learn to talk about issues with which he is having difficulties.
If you do not try to get him to talk about these difficult subjects, he will learn to try to keep them to himself or even believe he can solve them himself. With your help, he can overcome this.
He can learn that if he talks to you about problems and things he is fearful of, it will help and he will feel better. That is special and important. That is being an effective parent.
Cynthia Martin is the founder of the First Teacher program and former executive director of Parenting Matters Foundation, which publishes newsletters for parents, caregivers and grandparents. To reach interim First Teacher Executive Director Patty Waite, email patty@firstteacher.org or call 360-681-2250.
