The Eurovision Song Contest is upon us – and it’s gonna be a long night.
The final on Saturday night will be four hours long, featuring 26 countries, four presenters, four Eurovision legends performing, a mini concert from Madonna and so, so many bad jokes.
As much as we love it, it’s enough to test your patience – so why not add a sense of activity to proceedings with the official Metro.co.uk drinking game?
Grab your favourite tipple and prepare to knock it back at alarming rates as the errors, reveals, traditional chanting and again, truly woeful jokes flood the Eurovision finale in Tel Aviv.
N.B. We agree with BBC commentator Graham Norton in that you should pace yourself, and keep some water to hand to have in between songs. Also, some snacks – we recommend an Israeli themed smorgasbord of hummus and falafel to line your stomachs. Nobody wants to get sick or miss out on who the winner is. We take no responsibility for any hangovers that may result from the game.
During the show
Bad joke: one finger
The most inevitable of all the rules. This can be a bad joke from the presenters (most likely, there are four of them), any act in the green room, or any joke from a skit. We don’t discriminate against failed comedy here.
‘It was better in rehearsals’: one finger
Graham Norton will have seen all of the performance in the jury rehearsals, so will inevitably remark that a country was a bit crapper than they were before.
A key change: one finger
Eurovision loves a key change as much as Westlife, and that’s saying something.
Innuendos: one finger
The songs are disappointingly lacking in innuendos this year – not a single horny butter churner in sight – but that doesn’t mean Graham or the presenters won’t whip out a few double entendres (yes, ‘I’ll double your entendre’ counts).
A song switches language: one finger
We’ve got a good few examples of this in the 2019 final – Denmark and Italy both switch, while Norway features a joik section which we’re totally counting.
A former winner appears or is mentioned: one finger
Mans Zelmerlow, Conchita Wurst and Netta are all scheduled to appear, sorry lads.
Graham insults someone: one finger
This will basically be every song.
Costume changes for the presenters: one finger.
We’re expecting actual supermodel Bar Refaeli to have at least three.
An act takes off their clothes: one finger
From the RuPaul’s Drag Race school of reveals. Keep an eye out for Tamta from Cyprus.
Traditional costumes or chanting: one finger
See: Norway.
PYROTECHNICS: one finger
Is it Eurovision without a bit of pyro? One finger for every round of plumes.
Someone makes an awkward joke about BDSM: one finger
Iceland’s Hatari are literally performing in fetish wear and gimp masks. If no comment is made, I’m ashamed of the Eurovision community.
Someone screams out thank you to the audience the second their final lyric ends: one finger
They’re just SO GRATEFUL, you guys.
A presenter takes a selfie: one finger
Please, let it end.
Somebody in your house or party asks why Australia are in Eurovision: two fingers
WE WILL NOT EXPLAIN THIS AGAIN, KAREN.
Song nine arrives: two fingers
The late great Sir Terry Wogan would only have his first drink of a long night of commentating at song number nine, so when Sweden perform in the ninth slot, raise a toast to Terry.
During the results
Graham Norton predicts who gets 12 points: one finger
We’re assuming a lot will go to The Netherlands this year, so good luck to you.
A spokesperson will not. shut. up: one finger
Again, this is an inevitability with most presenters. Yes it’s been a great night, yes Israel put on quite the show, WE HAVE 41 COUNTRIES TO GET THROUGH.
12 points for UK: down your drink
Could it happen? It’s a celebration if so. Maybe Ireland will help out.
Neighbourly love: two fingers
There’s nothing we love more than moaning about a voting block.
Technical difficulties: one finger
Is there anything that sums up Eurovision more than a national spokesperson holding their earpiece repeating ‘Hello Israel?’ for the ninth time in a row?
Someone calls out the wrong points: two fingers
Truly, the peak of any Eurovision night.
UK gets nil points: crack open a new bottle
You deserve it.
The Eurovision grand final airs from 8pm on BBC1 on Saturday night.
Eurovision final running order
- Malta
- Albania
- Czech Republic
- Germany
- Russia
- Denmark
- San Marino
- North Macedonia
- Sweden
- Slovenia
- Cyprus
- Netherlands
- Greece
- Israel
- Norway
- United Kingdom
- Iceland
- Estonia
- Belarus
- Azerbaijan
- France
- Italy
- Serbia
- Switzerland
- Australia
- Spain
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MORE : Ireland fails to qualify for Eurovision final as just one point decides semi-final result
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