Alright, humes? I’ve got to admit, I’m a bit disappointed. As you can see in my picture above, when I heard Lucy Spraggan wasn’t well enough to perform on The X Factor this weekend, I got all togged up in my Lucy-style denims and grabbed my guitar. (Yeah, I’ve got a guitar. What of it?) But then Tulisa - aka “Fag Ash Breath” - wouldn’t let me take her place even though I’d written an amusing song about chasing pigeons. Honestly - I don’t know why I bother sometimes…

I bet poor old Jade Ellis is wondering why she bothered to make an effort this weekend, too. Despite clearly being a very nice hume - not to mention, a very good singer - she received her marching orders after a tense sing-off against Union J. So acts such as Louis’s boring boybands, Christopher-the-crying-Scouser and Rylan-the-Nuisance will be performing again next Saturday, while lovely Jade’s back in her tower block. There’s no justice in the world sometimes, humes.

Talking of which, I was also very disappointed to see my namesake Sid Owen leave Strictly Come Dancing this week. Mind you, that could mean he’ll be back on EastEnders before too long, which can only be a good thing - particularly if he showcases some of his new moves in the Queen Vic. I’m just going to put all my energy into supporting Victoria Pendleton from now on. I think she’s finally found something to get her teeth into after all that messing around on bikes…

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