I recently re-watched a hilarious video of Mark Gungor comparing men and women’s brains. He does a terrific job of explaining why men and women think so differently.

Gungor suggests that men’s brains are made up of little boxes, with a box for everything – his car, job, money, wife, kids, etc. But the rule is the boxes don’t touch each other. The man discusses only what’s in a particular box and then files it away before discussing another topic.

Women’s brains, on the other hand, are very different from men’s brains. Gungor suggests they are like a big ball of wire, with everything connected to everything. And it’s all driven with energy, simply referred to as ‘emotion’.

Regardless if you subscribe to his theory, or not, Gungor is definitely entertaining. What his presentation confirms is that, in a marriage, we should expect to see the man and woman think and behave differently from each other.

While a husband and wife are encouraged to come together and become one, there always exist a state of variability. One of the secrets to creating a successful marriage, then, is to understand this value.

The Value of Variability

As a differentiating value, Variability means uneven and lacking uniformity; marked by diversity or difference.

It should be easy to apply this value to marriage. To start with, a man and woman are different from each other physically. This should be obvious. Then, according to Gungor, this difference also applies to how a man and woman think. In fact, some might argue there are more things different than the same.

The one thing that is common is love for each other. And love conquers all.

Through the power of love, and an understanding of the value of variability, is it possible to turn the differences into a strength for a marriage? Absolutely.

Two Negatives = a Positive

The math rule of two negatives equals a positive applies well here. Instead of focusing on what’s different, it’s important to focus on how the differences can compliment each other.

Consider the following:

  • One partner likes to start projects, while the other derives satisfaction from finishing it.
  • One partner tends to leave clothes and other items all over the place, while the other enjoys cleaning up and putting things away.
  • One partner is great at ensuring gifts are bought for birthdays and Christmas time, while the other is reliable at managing money and paying the bills on time.
  • One partner is great a meeting new people, while the other excels at maintaining relationships once made.
  • One partner is a veracious reader and can find solutions to problems the other needs while tackling a project.
  • One partner likes to plan their trips, while the other easily spots fun things to do spontaneously along the journey.
  • One partner enjoys cooking, while the other is happy to clean up after a meal.
  • One partner has the ability to play the piano (or other instrument), while the other enjoys just sitting and listening.

On that last note, a good analogy of the power of variability is in music. Harmony is created when a complimentary note is applied to the first note. While it’s easy to see how this works in a major key like ‘C’, this simple concept even works with minor keys, which otherwise might be considered ‘off.’ In other words, whether a couple considers themselves normal or odd, they can always turn two negatives into a positive and work in harmony.

 

Do you know of a husband and wife that have turned their diversity into a positive?

How can the value of variability help you make a significant difference?

 

Today’s value was selected from the “Diversity-Flexibility” category, based on the e-book Developing Your Differentiating Value.

 

This post was originally written for Leadership Couples by my husband, Robert.  He writes and speaks about values – in marriage, in leadership and in marketing.  

Take a look at his website: FergusonValues.com  He’s created a list of over 4oo values, divided into 15 categories, and each blog post covers one value.