I literally cannot handle how boss Sally Yates is. No, not boss. Bawss. English does not adequately convey her bawssness.
The former acting attorney general began her long-awaited testimony before a Senate Judiciary Committee yesterday and promptly handed the entire country its wig. Never has the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth seemed so fire. Was this testimony or a new Remy Ma diss track? One can never tell.
What's most fabulous about Yates, a career lawyer and a rare person in Washington who has read the Constitution, is how calmly she lays the smack down. It's almost as if she enjoys telling the truth. What a concept!
We didn't get a lot of new information from the testimony, rather Yates confirmed a slew of stories that had been reported earlier. It's less dramatic than it will be on American Crime Story, but it's still important. Side note: Where is Holly Hunter right now? If she's not fitting herself for a brown Sally Yates bob and FaceTiming Ryan Murphy, I'm going to be pissed.
Sally Yates is a great on-screen part but an even greater real life person. She's Marvel's newest Avenger: a career DOJ lawyer who acquired superpowers in a freak electoral college accident.
Sally Yates makes me want to be a good lawyer in the same way that Olivia Benson makes me want to be an indefatigable detective or Olivia Pope makes me want to be a Washington fixer with perfect posture or Olivia from The Cosby Show makes me want to be a universally adored 3-year-old television star.
Yates is like Rizzoli and Isles rolled into one. Get you a woman who can do both.
The stated purpose of the Senate Judiciary Committee's hearing was an investigation into Russian interference in the election. That didn't stop some senators from attempting to re-litigate Yates' refusal to enforce the president's Muslim ban, an Executive Order that remains tied up in court.
But apparently Senator Ted Cruz hasn't finished binge-watching The Wire because he did not learn the lesson of Omar's admonition: when you come for the queen, you best not miss. My favorite part of Monday's hearing was when Yates served not one but two Texas senators their own words for breakfast, brunch, second breakfast, supper and midnight snack. First Senator Cornyn and then Senator Cruz tried to come for her. They were not sent for. It did not go well.
She must have called 1-900-MIX-ALOT cuz lady got facts.
While many of the men in the room, in the face of the partisan miscarriage of justice, slowly collapsed into befuddled puddles of skin and suits, Sally Yates remained absolutely unflappable. See the chart below:
Sally Yates is the one person who can tell the Genius Bar "Well, I was told by AppleCare..." and have them respond "You know what, you're damn right. Here's a new phone. No charge. Have a nice day. Also, we called and had your cable bill reduced. So sorry for any inconvenience."
Indeed, she seems almost delighted to remind Senator Cruz that he cannot out-lawyer her, out-think her or out-talk her.
You may remember Ted Cruz from the election season where he bitterly spoke out against Donald J. Trump, leveling insults and accusations for over a year only to lose the primary and end up phone-banking to support the party and its candidate, Donald J. Trump in what surely was a great day for his ego and for the state of the country in general.
Anyway, all that seems to be water under the bridge because Cruz now seems happy to secure his place in history by trolling Sally Yates about the reason she got fired. Democracy is alive and well and living in hiding.
[youtube ]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1sC1dOiCSp0&sns=tw[/youtube]
My favorite part of this epic video is the opening seconds when Cruz attempts to shade Yates about a question she declined to answer. But you can't out-shade a Southern woman. The Honorable Sally Yates spent her day in front of the Senate serving it right back with a smile, ending her reply with the line "I'm glad I got a chance to clear [the misunderstanding] up." Which, I believe, is a genteel translation of the phrase "If you don't know, now you know."
Yates has time enough for Cruz, honey. I don't know why he even tried it. And he is trying it. But Yates is out here lobbing his weak attempts to undermine her back at him like she's Serena Williams at Wimbledon.
Sally Yates is not only an American hero but also my new favorite television star. If you missed any of last season, you can binge-watch it for free on YouTube:
We are truly living in the golden age of television.
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