I found my drunk mum passed out in the street soaked in her own urine on Christmas Day: The grim reality of Xmas with alcoholic parents
Three women share their heartbreaking tales of surviving Christmas with alcoholic parents
THERE’S no doubt about it: Christmas and booze go hand in hand. Sometimes, a glass of bubbly can be a welcome relief after a frenetic month.
But for those with parents who have battled a debilitating alcohol dependency, the festive season can be a sobering affair.
Nicky Bowman was just nine when her “beautiful, vibrant and hilariously funny” mum Nuala hit the bottle. “When she’d had a drink she was a totally different character,” the 48-year-old from Dublin told Fabulous Digital.
“I’d spend the run up to Christmas full of dread because I knew I’d have to be at home, surrounded by chaos, instead of at school."
Christmas was especially gruelling. “It was the one time of year when society said it was acceptable for mum to start drinking at 9.30am,” she said.
"There’d be fights or mum would collapse on the Christmas tree, or pass out on the living room floor.”
We had Christmas dinner in McDonalds because it was the only place open
Nicky Bowman
One year Nicky’s mum got so drunk she forgot to put the turkey in the oven. “We ended up having our Christmas dinner in McDonalds because it was the only place open,” she said.
“Then, another time, when I was about 13, she just disappeared. We went looking for her and found her passed out on the street. I remember having to wash her because she’d wet herself."
She continued: “She was in total denial because later, in rehab, she wrote about the magical Christmas we’d had, all gathered round the tree singing carols.”
Nicky has been teetotal for seven years. She said: “I do go overboard to make Christmas extra-special for my children, and I never feel like I’m missing out by not drinking. It’s a magical time without the booze.”
The National Association for Children of Alcoholics (Nacoa) runs a confidential helpline for people of all ages - and its volunteers will be manning the phones right through the Christmas break.
They see calls soar over the Christmas period with figures peaking on Christmas Eve.
The festive period will always be tinged with sadness for Jackie Musinga, 24, who is from Leeds, West Yorkshire.
Jackie, who works for a training provider, said: “Dad always spent Christmas day with me and mum. We’d play board games, and watch the Christmas shows on TV.
“On the surface, ours looked like a normal family Christmas, but we just knew Dad was biding his time until he could slip out and go on a binge.
“He was a social drinker - he wouldn’t drink much at home, but he liked to go out without us, and had a reputation for going way too far.”
Four years ago her dad Kalist, a law school librarian, vanished from his work Christmas do. She spent an agonising Christmas on tenterhooks at the side of her distraught mum, Grace, as police search teams scoured the city for him.
“If he was out, we were always worried about his safety. Then he’d come home drunk, mum would tell him he needed to slow it down, and they’d end up having a row,” she said.
Six weeks later the 50-year-old’s body was found in a lake. “He’d fallen into the River Aire at Clarence Dock in Leeds, and his body had been washed 10 miles downstream,” she said.
We looked like a normal family Christmas, but dad was biding his time until he could go on a binge
Jackie Musinga
“Christmas for us now is a time for reflection and remembrance. I do drink, but I believe in moderation. I’m careful not to drink too much, and I make sure I’m with people I trust.”
Jo Huey, 43, from Bournemouth, Dorset, had a turbulent childhood with her alcoholic dad Alan.
Jo said: “As a kid, I had a fantasy image of what Christmas should be like, but the reality always fell well short.
“We’d ask my mum, Rosemary, if dad was going to join us for dinner, but she’d never know for sure if he’d be there or not.
“Often, he’d eat alone in his bedroom while he drank, or he’d spend the day sat in his car drinking and listening to music.”
Jo, a personal change expert, counsellor and motivational speaker, remembers the festive period as a double-edged sword. She added: “It hurt, but at the same time it was a relief, because his drinking put us all on edge.
“I can’t remember dad ever buying us any Christmas presents - he just wasn’t interested, and he never had any money because he spent it on booze."
She said: “Mum went the extra mile to make up for his lack of effort, she’d take on extra part time jobs and save up over the year to buy us presents.
“I went teetotal for while after my dad died in May 1995, and although I do drink now, I don’t go overboard at Christmas.
“It’s a time of year that gives problem drinkers loads of excuses - and that’s tough on kids. Adults think they don’t notice what we’re up to - but they’re more perceptive than we give them credit for.”
A NACOA spokesman said: “The festive period brings so many worries for a child of a parent with a drink problem. Our young callers are forced to deal with grown-up issues and family conflicts far beyond their years.
“They witness the ups and downs of chaotic drunken behaviour."
Children talk about cooking the Christmas lunch, so their younger siblings do not feel that they have missed out on something other children have.
“Others call totally alone in the house on Christmas Day, feeling that they have been ‘bad’ because Father Christmas has not visited them.”
Call NACOA free and in confidence on 0800 358 3456.
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