Kidpanzees

© Damomz | Dreamstime Stock Photos

Dear Ann Abler,

I'm 34 and my fiance and I don't know if we're sold on the idea of having kids. What do you think? Is it everything they say it is?

~ Undecided in Delaware

Dear Undecided,

Oh it's everything they say and more! Who are they, by the way, and what else are they saying? Did they mention that the terrible twos actually happen every two years? Did they tell you that you will be alternately cuted out and worn out on a daily basis? Let's just say having kids is like a slumber party you never have the chance to sleep off.

No one can tell you whether you should procreate or not, except the Duggars (who scoff at single digit families), and your future mother-in-law. Also your friend at work who thinks kids are gross probably has an opinion.

Make way for ducklings? (© Lisa F. Young Dreamstime Stock Photos)

It's a very complex and nuanced decision to have children, so ask yourselves these questions: Was Marcel your favorite Friends character? Do the zany antics of Curious George make you smile and shake your head sit-com style? Have you always wanted a monkey that is all your own? If you answered yes to these, then you should consider making a baby. Having a little one is like raising a less hairy primate, and you don't need a special permit or training, like you would to get a monkey or a chimp.

From the their charming wide-eyed gaze, to the creative expression they will find for feces, your bonobo-like baby will bring you as many hours of fun as your dream chimp. Your living room could soon be like Gorillas in the Mist and you are Sigourney Weaver. I mean Jane Goodall. Or you could have a living room with glass sculptures and host wine parties (this would be the no kids option). It's really up to you and your fiance.

I'll be here for you either way,

Your Ann Abler