"I'm Jealous Of The Way You're Happy Without Me"

September 23, 2017

I don't know what happened, but I just heard the song Jealous today and it hit me hard. I felt every lyrics of it. Maybe because I know for a fact that you're happy now and it's hard for me to say, I'm jealous of the way you're happy without me.

Jealous Lyrics
by Labrinth

I'm jealous of the rain
That falls upon your skin
It's closer than my hands have been
I'm jealous of the rain
I'm jealous of the wind
That ripples through your clothes
It's closer than your shadow
Oh, I'm jealous of the wind

'Cause I wished you the best of
All this world could give
And I told you when you left me
There's nothing to forgive
But I always thought you'd come back, tell me all you found was
Heartbreak and misery
It's hard for me to say, I'm jealous of the way
You're happy without me

I'm jealous of the nights
That I don't spend with you
I'm wondering who you lay next to
Oh, I'm jealous of the nights
I'm jealous of the love
Love that was in here
Gone for someone else to share
Oh, I'm jealous of the love

'Cause I wished you the best of
All this world could give
And I told you when you left me
There's nothing to forgive
But I always thought you'd come back, tell me all you found was
Heartbreak and misery
It's hard for me to say, I'm jealous of the way
You're happy without me

As I sink in the sand
Watch you slip through my hands
Oh, as I die here another day, yeah
'Cause all I do is cry behind this smile
I wished you the best of
All this world could give
And I told you when you left me
There's nothing to forgive
But I always thought you'd come back, tell me all you found was
Heartbreak and misery
It's hard for me to say, I'm jealous of the way
You're happy without me

I-I-It's hard for me to say, I'm jealous of the way
You're happy without me

Songwriters: Josh Kear / Natalie Hemby / Timothy Mckenzie

Happy 31st Birthday Man!

September 18, 2017

Happy Birthday man.

Yehey! Achievement! Why? Because for a year of not seeing you in person, and almost a year of not texting (last message was February 7) and disturbing you anywhere (because most of them I'm blocked), I manage not to contact you in any way. That alone is an achievement.

Since it is your birthday today, I tried to called you at 12AM this morning but I got "barred" warning and can't connect you. I sent an offline message on your hangout but I guess, I would not need to expect any reply from you (or even just seenzone) so I decided to write this for you. I know for sure you won't be able to read this but I need this for myself. Wishing that time will come that I'd be able to laugh reading all this (but I wish very soon).

Having no contact, no communications, without knowing what you're doing, how are you and Dan, is kinda not my thing but I guess its necessary but still I misses you a lot. I still wish you in good health and happy and hopefully contented with what you have.

Until next time man (maybe on your next birthday or maybe not). I love you.

"Happy 113th Monthsary" is a Greeting from a Desperate Lonely Heart

November 17, 2016

When you woke up one day and you'll realized that today is your supposed-to-be-a-special-day as lovers but then again reality will slap on your hard face that it's now just an illusion that only running in your head for a couple of years already (Since October 21, 2012). Time to wake up to reality but still.. I don't know.

Today I greeted him with "Happy 113th Monthsary" and saw that he opened it, smile in my face is all over. Thanks for opening it, man. You don't know how I'm crazy happy for that small gesture because you did not block me (yet).

Of course, I know one day, I'll be completely over you but as of now, I'm savoring a moment of day-dreaming about you. I love you, man, as always.

Time Of Healing

October 18, 2016

After you ignore all my annoying messages, our common friends wanted a reunion. But knowing that you're coming, I started to think what to do when I'm going to see you face to face for the first time, after you leave the house completely and avoided to see me. I started crying, maybe because I missed you so much already. I wanted to hug you, I wanted to kiss you but I can't do it anymore because you're not going to let me that's why I've decided not to come.

I know things are going to change now. I am not going to see you for awhile in a gathering of our common friends just like before simply because I am going to avoid to see you anymore. But who knows, when my love for you will totally fade away, maybe it would be the right time to say hi and hello even just for a casual hi and hello but for now, I can't do it.

Posting this last message I've sent in whatsapp without knowing tears running fast down to my cheeks.

Caught Having Sex

August 30, 2016

Ito na yong pangawalang sleepover ng BF mong si Dan sa bahay. Una, noong Friday, August 19, at pangalawa ay Friday ulit August 26.

Noong August 19, hindi ako natulog buong gabi para lang mahuli kyong mag-sex kaso bigo ako eh. Siguro kapaan lang ung ginawa nyo or kung may sex man siguro hindi ako marunong tumayming. Pero noong August 26, naiihi lang ako at napansin kong nakaurong ung upuan at masyadong tahimik kayo sa sala kya dahan-dahan akong lumabas ng kwarto para silipin sana kyo kung tulog na ba kayo at kung magkayakap kyo natulog pero laking gulat ko pagbukas ko ng ilaw para uminom ng tubig at syempre sabay silip na din kung magkayakap nga kayo pero hindi lang pala yakap ang makikita ko kundi ang shortless nyong katawan na natataranta kung ano ang tatakpan kung titi ba o puwet. Ako din na nagulat na nakita kyong nakahubad, di ko din alam kung anong gagawin o sasabihin. Gusto ko sanang sabihin na "Sige lang ituloy nyo lang, pwedeng manood?" pero di ko mapigilang mangiti at matawa dahil sa pagkataranta ni Dan. Pero ung titig mo sa akin man, di ko din matingnan na para bang lulunukin akong buhay sa galit.

Pagkatapos nun, hindi na ako natulog para silipin sana kung itutuloy nyo, mapanood ko man lang sana ng buo kaso parang tinigil nyo na eh. Kc napansin ko sinisilip-silip nyo din ako kung lalabas ako ng kwarto o hindi. Hahaha! Sayang!

Sa totoo lang hindi ko alam kung anong nararamdaman ko that time. Pero one thing is for sure, naiinggit lang ako.

Kiss By Mistake

August 19, 2016

Hibang na kung hibang pero nakakatuwa pag in love ka man kc lagi mo akong napapagkamalan na bagong bf mo kagabi. Ung mga bagay na hindi mo ginagawa sa akin, nagagawa mo pag in love ka. Tulad ng pagsabi ng "I love you" in the middle of your sleep, pagpasok ng kamay mo sa shorts ko, pag kiss sa lips na kala mo hindi nagkita ng sobrang tagal. Wow, the best. Kaso ilang seconds ko lang maramdaman un kc bigla ka nalang tititig sa akin tapos ung mukhang disappointed agad makikita ko kc hindi pala ako ung mga dapat mong alayan ng mga un. Tapos sabay tulak ng malakas na kala mo may ketong ako.

Natutuwa lang ako kc kahit ilang segundo lang naramdaman mo kong mahal mo ko at importante ako sayo kahit sa ilusyon ko lang lahat un. Hindi mo man to pinaramdam noon sa akin, kc baka di mo tlga ako minahal, pero at least ngaun, naramdaman ko na sya.

Oo, aminin ko naiinggit ako sa kanila, lalo na sa bago mo ngaun na si kay Dan kc masyado kang passionate sa kanya. Ngaun ka lang sobrang lakas ng loob kc para dalhin sya sa bahay at maglambingan kayo kahit na anjan pa ung mga kapatid mo. Ako dati, hanggang ngaun, matabi lang sayo ng konti, tinutulak mo na ako na sobrang lakas na kala mo may nakakahawang sakit ako. Masagi ka lang ng konti, nanlilisik na mata na para bang lalamunin ako ng buhay. Kaya di ko talaga maiwasang mainggit pero hanggang inggit lang ako.

Ganun tlga ang buhay.. Inggit-inggit lang pag may time.

Mikko is Over, Dan is In!

August 18, 2016

Definitely no more Mikko in your life kc meron ka ng Dan. Last Saturday, August 13, 2016 ang first meeting nyo ni Dan, overnight agad and very hot sex. Wow, noong si Mikko begging for sex, hindi mo napagbigyan pero itong si Dan first meeting palang hot sex na agad. At kinabukasan dinala mo pa sa bahay.

First time ito kc dinala mo sya sa bahay na nandon 3 mga kapatid mo. At super sweet pa kayo. Maglambingan ba daw sa labas. I don't know if you really love him already kc parang kelan mo lang to nakilala. I think nasa 1 week palang kyong magka-call and text then sex agad then boom, official, kyo na.

Base sa picture, mas cute si Mikko kesa dito kay Dan pero mukhang malaki naman ang titi netong si Dan kya siguro totoong nahulog ka na sa kanya. Ang tanong ko nalang ay kung wala ba tlgang sex appeal ung si Mikko para di ka pumayag sa Sogo invites nya? Hmmmp.

Kahapon, naabutan ko na naman si Dan sa sala, August 17, katatapos lang nyong kumain. Buti pa kyo sabay na kumakain. At pakilala mo na naman sa akin, as usual, pinsan. Hahaha.. Ok, eh di pinsan.

Michael Dan Angelo +639162258356