You get bored at work, we get bored at work; the difference is, we don’t get sacked for playing these games. Not yet, anyway.
Collected below are some of our favourite games on t’internet, so get stuck in and putt, kick, or skate your way to the JobCentre.
If you know something we don’t, send a link to your favourite online (sports) game to sports.editor@guardianunlimited.co.uk (with a few lines telling us why it’s so good) and we’ll add them to our list - vigorous quality control guaranteed, reader.
Our latest finds
GIRP: From the people who brought you Little Master and QWOP. It’s a strange rock-climbing/gymnastics hybrid that you’ll either love or hate. (Our best: 11.7m) P45 rating: ***
PoleRiders: An odd little pole vaulting game. Weirdly hypnotic and quite addictive once you’ve got the hang of it. P45 rating: ***
And the full catalogue...
ATHLETICS
Denise Lewis Heptathlon: While it is not the most covert operation (bashing the B and N keys for all your worth) and is likely to cause debilitating finger cramps, this old style arcade game is maddeningly addictive.
P45: ***
QWOP: Unimaginatively named and infuriating, but very addictive, writes Huw Silk. Use the keys Q, W, O and P to move a 100m runner’s legs without having him sprawl hopelessly across the track. You can feel fairly smug if you get beyond 10m. P45: ***
BOXING
Sidering knockout: A old style beat ‘em up with energy bars and combo moves. Take your humble slugger up through ranks and finally earn a title fight.
P45 rating: ***
US SPORTS
Pinch Hitter 2: Take a strange large-headed boy from hitting balls in his backyard to the major league. With hour upon hour of practise of course.
P45 rating: ***
Trick hoops challenge: This one is all about showing off with the most outrageous attempts at the basket, if you can get it in off the wall you are far better than us.
P45 rating: ***
Touchdown USA: Tough to get the hang of but if you’re a fan of American Football and you’ve got time to kill this game is for you, writes Lee Rosborough. College and Pro game modes make way for hours of fun. P45: ***
Online Basketball: This game takes a short while to load, but once you play it will soon become addictive writes Sean Monaghan. It’s all about angles if you’re going to land those hoops from mid-court. There are easier games out there, but if you like a challenge... P45 **
CRICKET
Little Master Cricket: The original and still the best. P45 rating: ****
Stick Cricket: Takes a while to get the knack of, but worth the effort for the first time you knock Dennis Lillee out of the ground.
P45 rating: ****
Slog Cricket: You are the bat! Pretty simple. Until it gets quite hard.
P45 rating: ***
FOOTBALL
Bumperball: “It’s football, but in bumper cars, on an ice rink,” writes Nathan Jones. “What is there not to love?” Erm ...
P45 rating: ***
Football Agent: Buy! Sell! Be the Mr 10% and rake in enough cash to buy a mansion. Tough, but in a good way
P45 rating: ****
Roby Baggio’s Free-Kick Game: An old classic. We’ve found the trick is swinging the ball in Bolton-style for the onrushing centre-forward, rather than going for spectacular Baggioesque finishes.
P45 rating: ***
Super Soccer: Finally a football game which doesn’t involve posing as a faded star playing keepy-uppy. Sadly, despite reading the instructions three times, we’re rubbish at it. Hours must be spent perfecting our skills, clearly.
P45 rating: ***
Hat-trick: This is a slow burner - register your team, develop your youth squad, make transfers, all in aid of winning the 16 week league. Could cut your working day by hours.
P45 rating: ****
Volley Challenge 07/08: Pick your team, play a season, and make your striker hump the ball over the crossbar. Over and over again.
P45 rating: ***
RUGBY
Wheelchair rugby: A tricky game to get the hang of but one that rewards a bit of practice. Choose your international team, then four players, and prepare to throw, tackle and pass your way to Paralympic glory. With sophisticated options for energy conservation, marking and positional awareness, why not get up to speed in a quick match before testing your skills in arcade and tournament modes? P45: ***
Game of 3 Halves: A kind of Sensible Rugby, but with three of your fellas taking on an entire team of opposition. And a streaker. And a sheep.
P45 rating: ***
GOLF
Cat with a bow golf: Ah, golf. Funny trousers, silly terminology and a cat firing itself at a target with a bow and arrow. A good walk ruined.
P45 rating: ****
Mini Putt 2: The graphics on this aren’t as good as Electrotank, but the gameplay is better. We suggest organising an office championship (our best score is 33, by the way)
P45 rating: *****
Crazy Golf: See if you can resist the temptation to give it a whack and hope for the best.
P45 rating: ***
Driving Mad: Driving in the Tiger Woods sense, not Kimi Raikkonen, this is another game which sets you simple targets and even tells you you’re great when you’re not [like us]. Bonus points for taking down the odd pigeon, too.
P45 rating: ***
Golf Drive: Apparently it’s a “relaxing game of golf the prehistoric way”. Very tricky, but very nice graphics and takes a bit of thought.
P45 rating: ****
Pandaf Golf: Slightly insane, very annoying sound effects, but rather addictive all the same. “This one is a definite candidate for rapid P45 delivery. Once you have finished the 100 or so levels you can make up your own layouts!” squeals Mark Bermingham, probably clapping his hands, too.
P45 rating: ****
TENNIS
Table Tennis: Rob Bentham reckons “it’s really addictive, and sounds great as well”. We reckon it might be a little infuriating.
P45 rating: If self-confessed temp Rob is anything to go by, ****
Tennis Ace: “I think this is the best tennis game - it has a practice option and three levels of difficulty too. Nice umpiring too!” says Bryan Coleman. Be warned, you’ll be a lot better in training than in the match ...
P45 rating: ***
Rong: It’s ping-pong Jim, but not as we know it. Rather ridiculously addictive
P45 rating: *****
The Optus tennis challenge: Keepy-uppy with a tennis ball, essentially - but pity the poor souls with time enough on their hands to notch up high scores of close to 2000.
P45 rating: ***
BOWLING
League Bowling: Enjoyably retro.
P45 rating: ***
Super Bowling: Ego-boostingly simple to play. Get that swerve on
P45 rating: ****
WINTER SPORTS
Snowboarding: We would like to say this game is, like, totally rad dude. But we’ve no idea how to retain control.
P45 rating: ***
PUB SPORTS
Lightning Break: Easy controls, simple objectives, endlessly entertaining.
P45 rating: ****
First2zero virtual darts: Pick an overweight, cartoon dartsmith and toss your ‘arras at the treble 20, simple. The only game that involves less effort than real darts.
P45 rating: ***
Blast Billiards: Ian Gale calls this “a fiendishly addictive way to waste an hour or three at work.” Even though we’re shamefully useless at this game, we’re inclined to agree. And they’ve added side spin options in the later versions, for anyone who just needs more control
P45 rating: *****
EQUESTRIAN
Steeplechase Challenge: There’s something deeply retro about this one. The secret is in judicious use of the whip and perfect timing in the jump.
P45 rating *** (***** if your betting syndicate is rumbled)
MOTOR SPORTS
Stunt Dirt Bike: A mix of impressive acceleration and chronic problems with staying vertical make this the Didier Drogba of internet sports games. Much more popular around the office though.
P45 rating: ****
Drag Racing: Sadly, no 15st blokes hotfooting it on heels here. But sneaking a win on the line in a Honda Civic is enjoyment enough.
P45 rating: ***
Moto Trial Fest: It certainly has similarities to other bike games online, but this 12-leveller is a little gem that makes you feel, if only slightly, like you’re braving the obstacles on the off-road courses yourself, writes Sean Monaghan. It’s up, down, left & right to control, and should keep you going until your lunch break at least. P45 rating **
OLD SCHOOL
3-D Pong: Just when you thought pong couldn’t get any better, they go and make it 3D. So hard you will inevitably spend hours of company time playing it.
P45 rating: ****
MISCELLANEOUS
OK, so these are not strictly sports. But they should be.
Crash Test Dummy Olympics: There’s not much to these events, but getting them right is infuriatingly tough. A guaranteed time-waster.
P45 rating: ***
Escapa: This has got office tournament written all over it. You are a red square trying to escape the accelerating wrath of some blue squares. Get anywhere near 20 and you’re doing well. 19.966 since you ask.
P45 rating: ***
Yeti Sports: All the Pingu smacking fun you can handle, on one site. Repetitive, but strangely pleasurable.
P45 rating: ***