continued from: Part 1: Malaise <----click click--="">
OK! you've read Part 1 and you're now aware of what's going on. Hopefully. Now you're thinking, "Damn. Do I have a chance?" Um. Yes.
See the thing is- for MOST men- I'll say 83% of them, (made up statistic) the friend zone simply means that they done GOOFED. You had a chance in the beginning, but you did something. Somewhere along the way, you fucked up by saying something or doing something. Whatever you did, you're now here, and you want to get out. Most people will tell you that it's a complicated process and there's all these steps and you have to do this, and that and the third. Totally untrue. Well... maybe not. But I've really thought about this and I think I've simplified this as much as it can be.
STEP 1: ACCEPT THE STATUS OF THE SITUATION.
aka You ARE her friend. Deal with it.
It's like this. She's made a conscious decision NOT to be with you, and no amount of persuading or rather, begging and pleading is going to change her mind. Well, maybe it will- but rarely it does. If you beg or plead with her then you only look soft in her eyes and whiny. I don't believe any of those attributes are going to help you. You should respond as stoically as you can, because if you respond by acting hostile or depressed it will ALWAYS work against you. If you take the rejection personally she'll most likely see it that you DO believe you're not good enough for her, or better yet: a total lack of confidence. That thought almost always equals: Unattractive.
Instead, try spending a little time figuring out why she put you there in the first place. Get out of your feelings and realize that a LOT of the time women do this shit and it has very little to do with you.
When she puts you in the friend zone she has officially passed you up and is now open for business from other guys. This is where you do the same thing with other women. If you're so foolishly in love with this chick that you can't be with any other woman, then you better damn pretend and be convincing. This maneuver shows her that you don't think she's too good for you, she's NOT that special, and you aren't infatuated with her. (Even though you think you are. wink wink) If other women will happily date you, then natural law says she's gonna become interested in you- she probably won't be beating down your door anytime soon- but she'll definitely show a greater interest in you than she did before you put her on the reserve list.
OK. Here's the thing. Hopefully you aren't sensitive and you didn't go home crying because she rejected you the first time. Because in order to get out of the friend zone, you're going to have to make the first move. (again) She won't.
She will not.
Trust me. I'm comfortable enough in writing this to say 100% (another bullshit, but dangerously accurate statistic) of the time she will standby and let you fail if you miss the opportunity. You want an ommelette? You gotta break some eggs, homie. However she will give you hints that it's okay to make this move. Open the door. Opportunity's on your porch. But play it cool, guy. If she finds out that your variables weren't legitimate threats, then you're screwed.
OK! you've read Part 1 and you're now aware of what's going on. Hopefully. Now you're thinking, "Damn. Do I have a chance?" Um. Yes.
See the thing is- for MOST men- I'll say 83% of them, (made up statistic) the friend zone simply means that they done GOOFED. You had a chance in the beginning, but you did something. Somewhere along the way, you fucked up by saying something or doing something. Whatever you did, you're now here, and you want to get out. Most people will tell you that it's a complicated process and there's all these steps and you have to do this, and that and the third. Totally untrue. Well... maybe not. But I've really thought about this and I think I've simplified this as much as it can be.
STEP 1: ACCEPT THE STATUS OF THE SITUATION.
aka You ARE her friend. Deal with it.
It's like this. She's made a conscious decision NOT to be with you, and no amount of persuading or rather, begging and pleading is going to change her mind. Well, maybe it will- but rarely it does. If you beg or plead with her then you only look soft in her eyes and whiny. I don't believe any of those attributes are going to help you. You should respond as stoically as you can, because if you respond by acting hostile or depressed it will ALWAYS work against you. If you take the rejection personally she'll most likely see it that you DO believe you're not good enough for her, or better yet: a total lack of confidence. That thought almost always equals: Unattractive.Instead, try spending a little time figuring out why she put you there in the first place. Get out of your feelings and realize that a LOT of the time women do this shit and it has very little to do with you.
She could be:
- too busy with her personal life to deal with a relationship right now.
- recovering from a prior relationship (Very Common)
- she has commitment issues (which, in a way- she's doing you a favor)
- recovering from some mental shit (laugh if you want- there's some crazy wimmens out there)
- You're never gonna have another chance with this broad.
- You kinda just gave her power over YOUR emotions. (I'm anti THAT no matter the situation)
- You're GOING to look childish AND immature
Because if you pimp this shit right, you can walk away with some very promising rewards. (See Part 3: Perspicacity)
STEP 2: BUILD SOME SYMMETRY
aka It's time for equal opportunity
When she puts you in the friend zone she has officially passed you up and is now open for business from other guys. This is where you do the same thing with other women. If you're so foolishly in love with this chick that you can't be with any other woman, then you better damn pretend and be convincing. This maneuver shows her that you don't think she's too good for you, she's NOT that special, and you aren't infatuated with her. (Even though you think you are. wink wink) If other women will happily date you, then natural law says she's gonna become interested in you- she probably won't be beating down your door anytime soon- but she'll definitely show a greater interest in you than she did before you put her on the reserve list.
If you want my honest opinion (and you probably do, since you're reading this) you should never EVER put all your eggs in one basket, so work social circles. Your friends have friends and they have friends of their own. In one of these circles is a suitable collection of 'variables' (other women) that can be used to draw the attention of Girl A, friend zone Sally. Date them. Level the playing field. If you notice that Girl A has taken a sudden interest in you, now it's time to really show her that you've taken her suggestion to be friends to heart. Ask her out on a non-date. Let her accompany you somewhere that can be seen as a date to others but not to her. Book store trips, and shopping for clothes are tactics I've used before successfully. It's all in how you play your cards. But don't over do this because you may dig yourself too deep in this area. Oh, and if you two do talk about other people- the variables you both are seeing- keep it light. (Light enough to show that you're interested in conversing and spending time with her, but you don't wanna be her confidant.) Also try playfully flirting with her. Shit talking. Purposefully place no actual validity in what you're saying because 'your attention is actually on your variables'- the key here is to just build a comfort zone. If she flirts back then you've established that comfort zone/fair game, son.
Once you have established fair game then there's only one thing left to do.
STEP 3: THE KILL SHOT
Make your move, Chief
OK. Here's the thing. Hopefully you aren't sensitive and you didn't go home crying because she rejected you the first time. Because in order to get out of the friend zone, you're going to have to make the first move. (again) She won't. She will not.
Trust me. I'm comfortable enough in writing this to say 100% (another bullshit, but dangerously accurate statistic) of the time she will standby and let you fail if you miss the opportunity. You want an ommelette? You gotta break some eggs, homie. However she will give you hints that it's okay to make this move. Open the door. Opportunity's on your porch. But play it cool, guy. If she finds out that your variables weren't legitimate threats, then you're screwed.
Now, if you followed step 1 and 2 correctly, then you've shown her that you won't get hostile or upset if she rejects you again and you have other options. But here's what she won't factor in. You have the odds stacked in your favor now. I am not saying that you're guaranteed to succeed. I'm saying that you should.
However...if she puts you in the friend zone AGAIN, then don't sweat it because you now have other dating prospects and can move on without skipping a beat.
and... If you did put all your eggs in one basket with this one and you did fail again... well, I can only hope that you somehow get the fuck over it and STOP PURSUING HER. You'll come off as needy, pathetic and probably creepy. You and her ending up with you only works on TV. (I'm looking at YOU, Urkel)
Now if you've been rejected (again?) and you're okay- and you're over her- then I think it's time to move on to part three...
Part THREE (<----click)
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