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From how to have sex dreams to how to have sex, Google gave Teen Vogue a list of the top-searched questions about sex and sexual health using Google data from 2015. Next, we matched the top questions with our top resources. For some reason, it seems like when we need sex intel most, we don’t know where to turn for real answers. Good news is, now you don’t have to look through pages of uninformed message boards from 2003. Trust us, we feel your sexual health Google struggles. So, grab your notebooks and pencils (or just bookmark this page), because it’s time to get your sex ed on. This list does not indicate that we think you should be having sex or endorse sexual activity before you're ready. We just want to make sure that in case you're wondering about any of these questions, you have a well informed source to turn to. So here are the top-searched questions about sex and sexual health using 2015 Google data, plus the answers you've probably been been waiting for.
1. How do I have sex?
“It depends on what kind of sex you want to have! But if you are referring to intercourse, where one person inserts a body part into an orifice of another, the first thing you need is a partner who wants to do the same thing with you,” says Dr. Carol Queen, staff sexologist at Good Vibrations, founder of the Center for Sex & Culture, and author of THE Sex and Pleasure Book.
“You don’t have to read their mind; you can ask. Some partners will have specific desires or restrictions, including safer sex requirements. The next thing: Both people should get as aroused as possible, which means mentally AND physically desiring to connect in this way. Physical arousal makes penises hard, can make vaginas get wet, and can make the sensations of all the body parts involved feel better — but even so, it’s good to have some lubricant so that maximum comfort is possible, since vaginal and anal insertion can hurt if there isn’t enough lubrication. For many people, it takes time to get aroused enough, and insertion shouldn’t happen until the person being penetrated wants it.”
“Many things can be arousing: kissing, touching, embracing each other so your bodies are in close contact, rubbing against each other, genital touch, oral sex… and that’s just for starters! Once a penis or fingers are in a vagina or anus, generally people enjoy an in-and-out motion.. It’s possible to be too rough, or even (more rarely) too slow and gentle, depending on your partner’s desires, so ask what they like the best.”
2. What is sex?
“A lot of experts might define sex in terms of intercourse, or even in terms of physical things that two people can do together, and my definition includes those, but it’s broader,” explains Dr. Queen. “One reason for this is that people express their sexual feelings in so many different ways that in order to be inclusive, we have to be pretty far-reaching.”
“So I’d define sex as anything one or more people can do to evoke or satisfy erotic feelings, and we can define ‘erotic’ as that which makes you feel sexual desire and/or arousal. This definition of sex allows for masturbation (‘solo sex’), erotic experiences that two people can share including oral, manual (with hands), and intercourse (‘partner sex’).
“Most sexual experiences involve some degree of genital stimulation, though not all do; some people can feel sexually aroused, and even orgasm, without including direct genital touch. Some people choose to differentiate between ‘having sex’ and ‘being sexual’: the latter might not be as genitally focused or might not include intercourse, but is WAY more sexy than just shaking hands.”
3. What does sex feel like?
“Sex can feel many different ways, depending on what kind of sex it is and the degree of comfort and arousal of the people having it,” explains Dr. Queen. “Best-case, pleasurable sensations flood not just your genitals but your whole body, making you feel increasingly erotic and aroused, often to the point of having an orgasm (often called a ‘climax,’ which is a pretty good description of the result of these feelings that just get better and better). In this scenario, it can also amplify feelings of caring and love you have for your partner, so it can be an emotional experience and not just a physical one.”
“BUT! Worst-case, it can be painful, frightening, and unpleasant, especially if you don’t really want to do it and are not aroused. Many people have sex before they’re ready, without enthusiastic consent, or before they know what their body needs to have it be a pleasurable experience, and often have sex with partners who don’t know that information either. And it’s quite possible to have sex feel great for one partner and pretty terrible for the other — you can deal with this discrepancy through communication, caring, and learning more about sexuality, but for many people, sex doesn’t feel anywhere near as good as it could feel and as they hope it will feel.”
4. How can I have a sex dream?
Lauri Loewenberg, professional dream analyst and author of Dream On It: Unlock Your Dreams, Change Your Life, says there are two ways to have a sex dream: “Obsess about it and whom you'd like to do it with all day! We tend to dream about what is on our mind the most so if you occupy your mind all day, you are more likely to have a sex dream that night.”
According to Loewenberg, the second way to do this is to ovulate. She explains, “during ovulation we tend to be a bit more randy and this is precisely when you are more likely to have a sex dream. Start keeping track of your cycle. Ovulation usually happens about two weeks from the first day your period starts.”
Not everyone agrees that this is foolproof, though. “We don't know," says Dr. Steven J. Hanley, a psychologist well-versed in the psychoanalytic understanding of dreams. “Dreams are extremely difficult to study scientifically. We know a fair bit about the brain activity and dreams during the sleep cycle. We know much less — almost nothing — about the actual content of dreams. One theory views dreams as a set of symbolic and disguised images representing psychological conflicts and wishes. What one dream means to one person can mean something different to another. There is no evidence that one dream image, like sexual intercourse, has the same meaning for all.”
5. How can I have good sex?
See answer to question one.
6. How do I kiss?Lean in, tilt your head (in the opposite direction of your kissing partner), close your eyes (or don’t), touch lips, pull back, touch lips again. You’re kissing. If you're still unsure of how to proceed, we'll have a guide for you coming soon.
7. Why does sex feel good?“Our brains and endocrine systems are what create emotions, like being in love, which are one part of how sex feels," says Heather Corinna, author of S.E.X.: The All-You-Need-To-Know Progressive Sexuality Guide to Get You Through High School and College and founder of sex education site Scarleteen. "The brain and central nervous system are also responsible for sexual responses like orgasm: during sexual pleasure, all the nerve endings of your body (including your genitals, all linked to your nervous system) are in concert and communication with your brain, and vice-versa. Without everything going on in our brains, we wouldn’t have any interest in sex at all, nor find sex anything of interest. It's also important to note that not everyone is neurotypical, so on top of all the other ways we vary, all our nervous systems don't work in exactly the same way."
8. How many calories do you burn during sex?
“The number of calories burned depends on a number of factors including: your body weight, how long sex lasts, and how vigorous it is,” says Dr. Constance Young, assistant professor of obstetrics and gynecology at Columbia University Medical Center. “Best assumption would be that if you are drenched in sweat and totally exhausted after an hour of sex you could assume you have burned the calorie equivalent of an hour of Zumba or kickboxing.”
9. Why does it hurt when I have sex?
“Probably this question is really about intercourse, and probably it’s the receiving partner — the one whose vagina or anus is being inserted into — who’s asking it,” says Dr. Queen. “There are three main reasons for pain with vaginal or anal intercourse. The first is insufficient lubrication, especially an issue with anal sex — you MUST use lube for this activity. Not enough lubrication results in friction and pain.”
“The second is insufficient arousal. The body reacts to arousal with blood flow to the genitals (that’s where erections come from), and arousal changes the sensations of genital touch and insertion and helps them feel more pleasurable. For women, the clitoris, not generally inside the vagina, is the focal point of physical arousal. The third is size, especially penis length, since some women find it very painful when a long penis hits their cervix during intercourse. There are some health problems that might also result in pain, but these three are definitely the most common issues.”
10. How long does it take to get pregnant after sex?
“We know that Plan B, or the morning after pill, can prevent an unwanted pregnancy for up to five days after intercourse, but that it is most effective when taken immediately,” explains Dr. Young. “Without Plan B, if you have unprotected sex and are ovulating, conception probably takes place within 48 hours; but since your cervix stores sperm and releases it for about 48 hours after sex you could actually conceive four days after sex.”
11. How do I put on a condom?
12. How long does sex last?
Dr. Young take it away: “This varies greatly depending on the age of participants as well as the amount of time and energy they have available. Per a survey of sex therapists in 2008 ‘too short’ was 1-2 minutes, ‘adequate’ was 3-7 minutes, ‘desirable’ was 7-13 minutes and ‘too long’ was around 30 minutes. These numbers were for intercourse, not for foreplay, fooling around, kissing, or anything else.”
Related: 10 Things You Should Know Before Your First Gynecologist Appointment
