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The Golden Girls: The Lost Episodes, Vol. 4 – LOCKDOWN!

The Golden Girls: The Lost Episodes, Vol. 4 – LOCKDOWN!

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In response to the COVID-19 pandemic, Chicago’s Hell in a Handbag Productions will kick off summer with its very first digital production: The Golden Girls: The Lost Episodes, Vol. 4 – LOCKDOWN! Written by artistic director David Cerda, this episode revolves around Blanche, who returns from SantaCon with souvenirs, wild tales, and possibly Legionnaires disease. As a precaution, the doctor requires our fabulous gals to stay quarantined for 30 days. Will they make it out before killing each other? You have from June 25 to August 15 to find out.

OUT FRONT talked more with Cerda who not only wrote the episode, but also plays the role of Dorothy. Other cast members include Ed Jones as Rose, Grant Drager as Blanche, and Ryan Oates as Sophia. Tickets cost $20 and can be purchased at stage773.com and handbagproductions.org. Patrons will receive a link and password to view the performance via Vimeo.

Hi, David! Thank you so much for chatting with me about your new show The Golden Girls: The Lost Episodes, Vol. 4 – LOCKDOWN! What can audiences expect?
[Laughs] It is a mouthful. Well, they can expect the same girls, but sort of amplified version of them. Like, The Golden Girls on steroids. These are the same things you like about the original show, but in our show, since it’s a parody, and its four men, it’s sort of like you’re watching the show and thinking what they should have said sometimes. They curse; there are consequences sometimes for Blanche’s actions. You know, I always used to watch the show and wonder like, how does Blanche do all this in that time and never get syphilis? So, it’s just that. It’s a loving parody, but that doesn’t mean they get off easy. It’s got some edge to it, and we try to make it smart. Not just read old scripts from the TV show.

This show is produced by Hell in a Handbag Productions. Can you tell us more about the Chicago-based company, and how long have you been the artistic director?
I have been the artistic director now for 18 years, and Hell in a Handbag started in 2002. It was just a group of like-minded people who specializes in preserving camp and parody. A lot of times, camp is a bad word in theatre because they don’t want things to be too campy. We want things to be too campy. We celebrate all the gay cult films like Carrie.

Our first big hit was the Poseidon adventure. It was called POSEIDON! An Upside-Down Musical. A lot of our shows, men are women and women are men. There really are no sacred cows, which is getting harder to do these days. A lot of the original members are still with the company, and we’ve got a lot of young blood in the company as well.Golden-GirlsHow often do you put on a Golden Girls production?
We started in 2017. It was something that people had asked me to do for a while. There are Golden Girls productions all around the country. I think every major city has one. Finally, I was like, alright, how can I approach this our way? So, I gave it a go, and I really enjoyed it. I’m not a mega Golden Girls fan. I mean, I love the show, and I watched it, but I’m not, like, there are a lot of queens out there who can quote everything know what each one wore. Like, OK [laughs]. Once we got into it, we really enjoyed it, and the audiences loved it. These productions get the most diverse audience we’ve ever had. The gays, the grays, all ages, all ethnicities, all sexual orientations, people bring their moms and grandmas, and teenagers have come with their parent. It’s amazing.

Has it been the same cast since the beginning?
Almost, yeah. Since 2017, we have had a couple personnel changes, and people’s lives change. We had an actor who decided not to be an actor anymore, and then we had someone else that moved on to do other things. But basically, yeah. They are all original scripts, and we’ve got a storage space full of hideous 80s clothes. We get in our groove, but every show is a challenge. We don’t want to get too complacent.

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This will be Hell in a Handbag’s first digital online production. What are you looking forward to the most about it?
Getting it over with [laughs]. I didn’t want to just release a show that we did on the stage online because that doesn’t translate very well. And I wanted to address what’s going on now. So, I decided to make this in the format of like a Zoom call. They are quarantined. Since there was no coronavirus or Zoom in 1992, we’re setting it towards, like, the very final end of the show, they are quarantined because of Legionnaires disease. Blanche went to a Santa convention because she has a Santa fetish, and she made too many friends, and now everyone is under a 30-day quarantine as a precaution.

We justify Zoom by some old St. Olaf technology that Rose knows about, a system they used to monitor cows in St. Olaf, and they used to call it cow phone. So, that’s what our Zoom is. A version of St. Olaf’s Zoom. We are working with editing, graphics, we have a sound designer and a film editor; we are trying to make it as enjoyable as possible and keep the pacing going. It’s kind of a new beast for us because we have never done a show exclusively digital. As a company, we have to keep up with the times and do what the audience needs. So, I was really up for the challenge. It’s scary, but I am up for it. Hopefully it will succeed.

In addition to writing the show, you also play Dorothy. Is she your favorite?
She is. She always has been. I am a Dorothy. I am the one that will tell you what you need to know, even if it’s unsolicited. Although it’s hard for me because I do not have a poker face. I could never match Bea Arthur’s comedic timing. She’s a master at it, and it’s just like, if only I could achieve half of what she achieved.Golden GirlsHow do you take an infamous character like Dorothy Zbornak and make it your own?
I don’t try to look like her as much. If I tried to look like her, it would drive me crazy. I try to embody her personality and think Dorothy, and that’s a lot about eyebrows and her facial expressions. She did this thing where she would, like, clench her jaw with her lips closed, and I tried to do that. The Dorothy character to me, the costumes are the best because you just look for the weirdest monstrosities, and we found some great stuff. Now that we have been doing this for a while, people donate stuff. Like oh, my aunt just died, and she has a hideous collection of clothes. And I’m not kidding. People call and email me asking if I want this stuff, and it’s like yes!

What is the most fun about doing these Golden Girls productions?
Working with the cast. Like the person who plays Rose, Ed Jones, he has been my friend for over 20 years, and he is a brilliant Rose. And Grant and Ryan, we just really have fun together. Besides the four girls, in the Chicago Golden Girls world, we have, like, regular secondary characters that you wouldn’t know if you are outside of Chicago and didn’t see it live. We address it in the video. But yes, we just have a good time, and I write for them. One of the reasons I think our show is so successful is because I write for their beats, their personality. I know what they excel in.

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Of the actual series, which episode is your favorite?
I think I like the one where they go on the cruise and Dorothy yells condoms [laughs]. I mean, any episode where Dorothy is mean to people. I also like, we’ve done this before, we had an episode where Rose has restless leg syndrome. There would always be these serious episodes, like when Dorothy had chronic fatigue syndrome, and it’s like, oh brother. Then the next week, she didn’t have it. Ones like that where they address something really serious, then like the next week, everything is fine.

Why do you think The Golden Girls is such a staple in the LGBTQ community?
Because they said a lot of things that people weren’t saying when that show came out. They addressed gun violence, immigration; they said a lot of things, and the reason they got away with it was because they were old, white women. When old ladies say it, it’s funny, but it’s true. You could watch this with your family, and I get so many people that tell me oh my god, this is so great. They bring their grandmas, their moms, because they used to watch it when they were young. Or, if their grandmas have passed, this brings back so many memories. They were also very supportive of LGBTQ issues. As supportive as they could be in the 80s and 90s, but they brought it up. You know, Blanche’s brother was gay, Clayton, and he came out.

What’s next for you? Are they any other upcoming projects we should be on the lookout for?
Yes. We are doing the Tiger King parody. It’s called The Tiger Queen, and it’s a musical parody of The Tiger King, which when I saw it, I was like oh my god, this is right up our alley. So, the Tiger King is next. I’m working on it now, and God willing, we hope to produce that in September.

For more information, visit handbagproductions.org.

 Photos by Rick Aguilar Studios

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