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Anti-Asian Racism Is Taking a Mental and Emotional Toll on Me

It’s exhausting.
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While watching the new PBS documentary series Asian Americans, I started bawling. I enjoyed participating in the documentary and talking about classic Hollywood actors in the first episode. The topic fit perfectly into my wheelhouse as a sociologist studying actors of color. But the series also documents the discrimination Asian Americans have faced for generations. Seeing the history of racism against Asian Americans depicted onscreen triggered trauma that I was holding in.

Like so many of us, I was already dealing with social isolation, economic uncertainty, and a pandemic threat. This left me too depleted to cope with the uptick in hate crimes against Asian Americans after the coronavirus disease, COVID-19, was first identified in Wuhan, China. Every time I saw reports of Asians and Asian Americans getting spit and coughed on, beaten up, and attacked with acid, I retreated deeper into my home and into myself. This discrimination against Asian Americans is not only misdirected and wrong, but it also takes a toll on the overall physical and mental health and well-being of Asian Americans across the country.

These days I feel like I’m dealing with two pandemics: COVID-19 and anti-Asian racism. “In the United States, anti-Asian sentiment has become contagious,” Derald Wing Sue, Ph.D., professor of Psychology and Education at Columbia University, tells SELF, pointing to various studies indicating that bias can indeed spread from person to person much like a virus. “As an Asian, I sense it,” says Sue, adding that this “contagious effect” can be especially damaging when people in high positions of power with large platforms are spreading misinformation and bias.

Anti-Asian racism is one arm of what some are rightfully calling a double whammy facing broad swaths of the Asian American community. The other element (inextricable in many ways from the racism) is the pandemic’s effect on Asian businesses, which in turn hurts many owners and employees. According to a New York State Department of Labor report, the state saw a 10,210% year-over-year increase of unemployment filings among Asian Americans, the highest increase of any racial group.

Asians in the United States have long been targets of xenophobia. Under the Chinese Exclusion Act of 1882, Chinese immigrants became the first ethnic group to be barred from the United States, a ruling that lasted 61 years. Additional laws blocked immigrants from various other Asian countries during the same period. Anti-Asian fears surged after the 1941 bombing of Pearl Harbor by Japan, leading to the incarceration of Japanese Americans, including U.S. citizens, in concentration camps. The hate crime murder of Chinese American Vincent Chin in 1982 was the result of anti-Japanese racism during the decline of the U.S. automotive industry. Post-9/11, people of Middle Eastern, North African, and South Asian descent endured (and continue to endure) anti-Muslim bigotry and hate crimes. Then the COVID-19 pandemic began, and far too many people have used it as an excuse to stoke the flames of racism against Asian Americans.

Since March 19, 2020, more than 1,700 incidents of anti-Asian racism have been reported to Stop AAPI Hate, according to one of the site’s founders, Russell Jeong, Ph.D., chair and professor of Asian American Studies at San Francisco State University. This number represents only a fraction of anti-Asian racist acts, as many go unreported. Of these incidents, Jeong tells me, 60% were reported by Asian Americans of non-Chinese ethnicities. Alarmingly, a significant number of victims belonged to vulnerable populations, with 7.7% of the reports submitted by those over 60, and 11% of the reports citing youth as victims, says Jeong, adding that women were also 2.4 times more likely than men to get attacked.

As an Asian American woman, I am not new to racist and sexist attacks. In the past I’ve sometimes avoided engaging with perpetrators out of concern for my safety. Other times I have successfully set verbal boundaries with phrases like, “Stop talking to me,” and felt empowered as a result. But it can be hard to know what to do in the moment, especially when it feels like anti-Asian racism is more socially sanctioned than it has been in recent history.

If you’re in the same position and looking for guidance, I consulted with experts on what to do when facing random microaggressions and more deliberate acts of racism. Unsurprisingly, the decision that makes the most sense or feels right at the time depends on a number of factors.

There’s the option of saying something, as I have at times. “Speak up,” says Sue, who researches the impact of microaggressions. The cumulative effect of microaggressions can cause psychological and physiological consequences, he explains, and saying something in response may help you feel more in control. “Have a comeback not to just put this person on notice that you disagree with them (you may not change them), but also for your own good,” says Sue.

What does that look like in practice? If the person committing a racial microaggression is someone I know, I usually ask questions like, “Why did you ask me that?” or otherwise redirect the comment back to them to get them to reconsider their words. Sue calls these “micro-interventions.”

Of course, depending on the specific circumstances, speaking up can unfortunately be dangerous, especially when facing overt, purposeful acts of racism rather than more subtle (yet still harmful) microaggressions. I generally evaluate the situation and environment to determine whether or not I will speak up, and if it doesn’t feel safe, I don’t. You might also decide not to engage because you know the person being racist simply isn’t going to be reasonable, says Jeong. Engaging with them could also make you feel like “you’re only giving them more voice and more power,” he adds. If you think you’d feel that way afterward, deciding against saying anything might be a self-protective measure. Jeong also reframes anti-Asian racism as “not an Asian American issue or problem” but “other people’s problems” that “they need to address.”

For more insight on how to navigate potential responses to anti-Asian racism in the moment, I recommend looking into resources like Impact Bay Area’s online courses on how to set verbal boundaries and other self-defense strategies. In May and June the organization is running these courses specifically for Asian Americans and Pacific Islanders facing race-based harassment.

No matter what you decide to do, Jeong urges anyone who has experienced this kind of discrimination to report it to Stop AAPI Hate. “Unless we have a collective voice,” he says, “it’s going to happen again to someone else.”

I agree with Jeong that taking collective action to fight against hate is both powerful and essential. To that end, I’ve joined online campaigns such as #WashTheHate to bring attention to the discrimination faced by the Asian American community and #HateIsAVirus to raise awareness and funds for Asian American businesses hurt by racism. I have also listened to conversations hosted by Act to Change to address bullying and racism against the AAPI community and recently participated in a bystander intervention training provided by Asian Americans Advancing Justice in collaboration with Hollaback! I recommend this training for anyone who wants to help protect victims of bigotry in public spaces and online.

For more inspiration, I started investigating how other Asian Americans are taking action in the face of more public anti-Asian racism. Harry Budisidharta—the executive director of the Asian Pacific Development Center—tells me he is working with city councils and mayors in Colorado to condemn hate crimes against Asian Americans and also with law enforcement to disseminate information on hate crime reporting in different Asian languages. Sociologists Vivian Shaw and Christina Ong began the AAPI COVID-19 Project to research the impact of COVID-19 on AAPI communities beyond hate crimes. And senators Mazie Hirono and Tammy Duckworth, along with Senator Elizabeth Warren, who helped spearhead the effort, convinced the U.S. Commission on Civil Rights to take “robust” action against acts of racism towards Asians.

While fighting hate collectively is empowering, especially with other Asian Americans, I also need to attend to my own well-being on this journey. The Healing Justice Toolkit, which was developed by Dignity & Power NOW and Justice Teams Network to provide assistance to those affected by trauma as a result of state law enforcement, defines healing as “an ongoing process of mending as well as building power, resilience, and resistance to transform systems of oppression.” Here are a few tips I adapted from the tool kit to help all of us move toward healing, resilience, and empowerment.

  • Identify habits that make you feel safe, and do them at least weekly if possible. I find hiking and clearing my mind in nature a soothing practice and try to do this at least four times a week.
  • Share a traumatic experience in a safe environment with others who have been through similar trauma. Talking with trusted Asian American women and women of color who have experienced similar racial trauma has been empowering and comforting for me. Though I also often share on social media, it’s not always a source of comfort given the risk of trolls, so having that safe space is essential.
  • Try to find modes of healing that you think might work for you and help you process trauma, such as meditation.
  • Reduce how harmful potential triggers can be by composing a list of triggers alongside a list of people you trust and can turn to in order to feel safe after encountering a trigger. And if you have to be in a potentially racist environment or situation, try to always be with (or at least be in contact with) someone who helps you feel safe.
  • Organize with others to combat racism (here’s that collective action again!). This is especially important when it comes to holding governments and corporations accountable for racism, says Jeong.
  • Consult and share additional resources for Asian Americans experiencing racism during this time. Other resources I like include The Asian Pacific Policy and Planning Council’s COVID-19 Resources, Stand Against Hatred, and Asian American Feminist Antibodies: Care in the Time of Coronavirus.
  • Make sure to do something healing after taking action against racism. I regularly meet with a group of Asian American women academics and we play a charades game but with dance moves that one of the members, Christina Lee Kim, Ph.D., invented. (We now do it on Zoom.) It’s extremely healing to release tensions in our bodies and minds through movement and laughter.

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