The Forging of a Priest of Mary
By Fr. Ward William Bones, OrdP, PM
Some Early Visions
In 1997, my fiance left me. I was a designer, and sound designer for a Fox television show called, “The Visitor”. Every night, I would lay in bed and see her with a new man having sex. I couldn’t “not” see it. Finally, every day after work, I would come home and sit on the kitchen floor with a bottle of Jack Daniels and cry with my cat until I passed out.
I realised I needed a greater goal. Something for humankind. The show only ran one season… I had a lot of money and a beautiful Hollywood Hills view apartment but none of it mattered anymore.
I went to Diana’s new place one night after work. I had asked her to return “The Moon Ring” which was custom made by my grandfather Morrie, jewellery designer and diamond cutter for Peck and Peck in Chicago. Pure platinum and one carat, flawless, white diamond. He only charged me $1000. I had it with me and, on bended knee, proposed again. She said, “Nobody’s here, search the place, nobody’s here!!!” I said, “What? No. I don’t care.” She said, “Get OUT!”
A New Path
So, there I was. I turned down a design partnership offer from Meld, the Art Salon I belonged to and strung my ceiling with a cable. I tested the weight, put my neck in the noose where I could still stand; it held. Immediately, my hindbrain rejected all my authority. I was having my first panic attack. I called my mother but didn’t tell her what was going on. She suggested I get a cab, go to Union Station and take the train down to stay with my brother in San Diego for a while.
Soon, I decided I wanted to be a surgeon, maybe a psychiatrist. My cat and I moved to Phoenix. My sister was a nurse there and I wanted to be near her. I started at ASU. I worked as an Observational Behavioural Coder for the Psych Department. My partner and I matched over 90% of our observations, they had never seen that. But one day I asked some other coders if they wanted to go get a drink. They shushed me and said, Dr. Greene would freak out if she knew you drank. I said, “Goodness, I’m 27 years old.” The next day I came in Dr. Shannon Greene told me I was fired for missing a meeting. A meeting I was never informed of that apparently happened overnight.
The last class I took at ASU was suggested by the Pre-Med Advisor, Sherri Peterson, a 400 level course in Darwinian Medicine with Dr. Steven Rissing. Fascinating course. I had already taken Anthropology. I chose to study depression. Nobody wanted to partner with me or come anywhere near evolutionary psychiatry.
I researched all semester. Three days before the paper was due. I quit drinking and tobacco, thinking it might impede my work towards being a doctor.
The paper was hugely successful. I got an A in the course and thought this could actually happen. I decided to stay sober, and where does one go while sober? AA! So, I’m there one day in a circle sharing and the very woman I had dreamed of since I can remember was right in front of me, sharing, beautiful voice. Time stopped, she glowed. I was in love.
She blocked my way out the door and asked me over for lunch! I accepted and she drove me to her place. We ate some spaghetti, and talked for a while. I went to the bathroom and prayed on my kneesto God for the first time in my life. I said, exactly, “Morrie’s God (my grandfather was Jewish, I figured he must know), please don’t let me screw this up.” I did that three times in about eight hours.
Then the phone rang, it was Kelsey, her AA sponsor. We were invited to a “sober party” at Kelsey’s boyfriend, Bob’s, house.
On the way, I hear in my mind, “Well? Come on!” It’s her. So, I stumble out the words, “Would you like to go out to dinner next week?” She says, “Yes”, and I’m thrilled.
We get to Bob’s place and, to make a long story short, it’s a video orgy. They tell me I have to leave. Chistian and Kelsey drive me home. Christian was a virgin. They videod her being raped all night by all of them. She killed herself the next week.
So, there’s AA, that is really “How it works”.
I stayed sober and had no tobacco even a week later… Called her every day. I finally snapped and at midnight, the night of our date, I went to 7-11, bought beer and tobacco. I got drunk. Around 3am, my apartment manager knocked at my door, concerned, I opened the door and he rapes me till I pass out.
Is that “The Solution”?
To Chicago and The Gospels
My mom called and I told her what had happened. She said, “That could never happen in Chicago.” She asked me to come be the care-person for my grandmother and godmother while I finish college.
I take my tabby-cat and a few things in a U-Haul and drive there in two days. When I arrive, I ask my Godmother to tell me about Jesus. She says, “Boy! Go get my credit card out of my purse and buy yourself a Bible!” I do. When I read the Gospels and I felt like I had never read anything true in my entire life. I believed every word. I was Christian on the spot.
These were absolutely the best years of my life. It was the least I could do for the two women who had shown me love and respect all my whole life. I read two Psalms and a chapter in the Gospels to them, every night, and I took them to Grace Lutheran Church in Evanston every Sunday.
Five years later, Dr. Paul Ringle, my supervisor, decided they both needed skilled care. The house was empty, I was on Summer break at college and without much responsibility, I began to drink quite a lot. I rejoined Landmark Education and I found a therapist, Dr. Liz Hulsizer, PsyD, Ord.P. (Soto Zen). I was in Landmark’s self-actualization class. I was working with three elderly women there and was thinking I would really enjoy Geriatrics.
On 9/8/01, I began to hear my step-father’s voice threatening and berating me. He wants the house, 702 Florence Ave in Evanston. I start having waking dreams all day and night long. It becomes war. On 9/10/01 I vanquished it. I woke up around 9:30 AM the next day, finally having slept. All I can hear is Dr. Liz’s voice booming out to the whole neighbourhood, “Something went wrong, it’s going to be okay.” Over and over again. I wonder what could have gone wrong so I turn on the television to see the second plane hit the tower live.
I feel a breath on my neck and hear, “Do you see what you made me do?” I fell to my knees. Then it tells me to go to the bathroom, take the safety razor blade and slit my throat.
I don’t. I went to my church but the door was locked. I was in a bubble where one wrong move would collapse the entire universe. I went to the hospital and told them I did it. It was my fault. They took me into a room and placed a small plastic upside-down black cross in my left arm. No IV. I leaned back and said, “Here I come, Lord.” I didn’t die. They say, “We have a room for you upstairs.”
So began psychiatry and myself. I was told I could stay in the hospital as long as I like, until I felt safe again. I stayed all winter, four months.
When I asked to go they got me a free room at the Lakeview YMCA and welfare. Wonderful place, and my favourite city. I finished my degrees there.
Before I could take the last quarter classes I wanted; oil painting and calculus, my mother offered to fly me to Phoenix for Spring break. I went. While there, they offered me a free apartment if I stayed. They were tenured professors at my University so they went and finalised my degrees: Fine Art Major, Music Composition Minor and Pre-Med Minor.
Finding Mary and Becoming Catholic
Now, I began to feel worried about drinking, again. I drank, at that time, a half a fifth of vodka a day. No big deal but I went to AA again. Promptly I am raped by a guy named, maybe, Gary. I fought him off and he went to the bar down the street and told them all that was gay.
So… AA is out, but there is Mass at 6 AM down the street. I am given my first Rosary and asked to join the Rosary group. Wonderful, wonderful, wonderful. I give First Confession and take First Holy Communion. I heard the call. I got worried, I was not sure how I knew I was but I was in danger but I was. I sent my Bible and custom Rosary to my brother and asked him to care for them. I got an ordination from ULC Church as a priest. I was worried I wouldn’t be allowed to go to Seminary by my atheist family.
Kidnapped
I was invited to my “birthday party” on my family's yacht in San Diego. I drove out with my mother. It was actually a kidnapping. I was dropped off in front of an anti-Jesus cult in La Mesa where I was programmed and gaslighted, drugged and brainwashed. They threatened me and told me Jesus was a delusion and disallowed me from worshipping God. They said if I did, they were going to drop me off downtown homeless, indefinitely. I asked who to worship and they said, “us.” They forced me to confess I was bisexual under the same pretense. I was trapped there for four years.
I called the homeless shelter. I explained how long I’d been sober(two and a half years) and asked for a bed. Suddenly, they let me get a job. With my first $900 check I ran.
Sexual Abuse
Now, I had to undo all that programming. It took me seven years. I began to remember sexual abuse in my childhood. I told my therapist everything. I started searching the internet to find proof. I found myself, at about one year old, drugged, my arms and legs dangling while my father rapes me. It’s an animated gif from a Super-8 film. My first home, upstairs, windows open, daytime, in the summer. I could see my sister in the background and I had to assume my mother was on camera.
I sent it to the FBI.
So, my mother and I were talking every morning at 7am, again. She was coding me with NLP (Neuro Linguistic Programming). Every day I spoke to her, I acted out. I was having a really hard time. My landlord, after telling me I had the nicest apartment in the building, asked me to leave.
Vision of Mary
I went to the hospital, my mother is not offering help. So, I have no choice but to go to a drug-dealer flophouse. Meds are stolen and sold back to people, there were two dealers, one for prescription and one for illegal drugs.
I was lying in bed one night at 6:30pm. A tiny pin-point in the far wall opened and radiated white light. I read the KabbalahI years later and that is how true visions of God are described for the faithful. She was right the next to my bed in Her bridal dress and train; Our Lady and Queen, Mary. I began to weep. I had never seen any woman as beautiful or any sight so awe inspiring as that very moment. She began to explain all that had happened to me all my life. She repeatedly called me, “Her Personal Priest.” I ask, “Why?” She answered, “To dry my tears for eternity.” Then She told me I was in grave danger and to take my bag and coat and walk out the door. I did.
I followed a light in the sky that spoke to me. That voice was the Holy Spirit. About ten miles later, under a street lamp, after The Holy Spirit told me I was “walking the road to Perdition”, I found a white, dime-sized stone. Naturally etched in it was a perfect image of the Divine Mercy. I walked from exactly 7pm to 7am the next day and found myself, just after dawn, in front of my favourite hospital in La Mesa. I had been in National City. That’s twenty-seven miles. My shoes weren’t worn, I wasn’t tired. I never had to go to the bathroom. A van driver sees me and I go to confront the anti-Jesus cult up the street. The next morning I checked in at the hospital.
So this time, I guess the attorney for the estate forced my mother to find me a real place to live. I am still here. It’s safe and I wrote a lot of great music here.
Praying for My Family
Then I went into an intensive prayer period for my family. All I did was pray the Rosary and Divine Mercy Chaplet for three years. I went to Mass, weekly, I studied and questioned a hyper-intelligent, former physicist Catechist named Val. One day, she was just gone. They never welcomed me there at all. Right as Mass was over one day, the clearest voice I have ever heard said, “You never have to come here or listen to these priests again.” I said, “Mary?” But I knew it was Her right then.
Ephesus
I opened Ephesus. Mary’s church and she began to tell me what to tell the people. I spoke exactly all of Her words. This is when I really started to get death threats. She finally told me to take it down. The world had failed Her.
It was ame story all three times We opened Ephesus.
Shedding Medicine
When I had the meltdown on 9/11/01, I picked up a Schizophrenia diagnosis. I wrote a paper on the condition that brought me very far towards healing (“Why is Schizophrenia?: A Darwinian Perspective on Szizotypal Conditions”), but after 21 years of doctors and toxic medications, I didn’t quite know what to do. I realised my psychiatrist essentially asked me what meds I should be on and then sent in the scripts. What good is talking about being a sexually abused infant after a while? I became disenchanted with medicine all together. Also, during my last hospital stay, a policeman’s daughter was there who was beautiful and young, very sweet and gentle and glowed like a pregnant woman so I knew she’d never been with a man. But they kept her away from me and I started to have visions that she was being passed around and raped there while in the hospital. I didn’t know what to do. My “therapist” had lied quite loudly in the hall to allof the patients and said I was gay. So… I began to realise that she really was there for me to marry but they were going to take her for themselves. She hung herself the day I left. When I came home, I read my release paper. It said I checked in for cocaine (which I hadn’t used in 25 years), methamphetamine (which was also untrue), and marijuana (which I can’t ever do because I have panic attacks, everytime). I came in because I was very, very suicidal. So, they told that beautiful woman I was gay, raped her and then called me a drug addict to justify themselves.
So… Now, I’m done with medicine. Right? Thankfully, I went to Christian Science and read the first chapter of their book, I quit all medications and fired my doctor, therapist and psychiatrist. I became thin again (after a month) and clear headed, now, I sleep at night now. Anyway, oddly, medicine is all a lie. I told one of the guys from the hospital: “Who heals? Dr. Bob? Bill W.? Freud? Hippocrates? Doctors? How about Christ the Lord?”
Conclusion
I am Mary’s true and only priest. Many have claimed but always died, immediately.
And, here I am. All of that is behind me. I am quite blessed. I have had visions and bold dreams all my life, it seems the whole goal of all the abuse and mistreatment by my atheist family was an attempt to shut that down… “Beat” me and therefore: God. It didn’t work. Thanks be to Our Lady and Queen Mary, the Divine Queen of Heaven and the angels. I am in Her debt forever.
Father Ward William Bones, Ordained Priest of Mary