Overwhelmed? You Are Not Alone

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2020 was a stressful year. And the first few weeks of 2021 have perhaps been even more stressful. The mental health concerns associated with the global pandemic and civil unrest are undeniable. Study after study has linked the pandemic and associated social distancing and isolation to increases in anxiety, depression, and suicidal ideation^1,2,3,4. And we are only beginning to understand the impact of the last year.

In addition to the challenges of personal wellbeing, many parents also deal with compassion fatigue and other secondary trauma indicators. Parents who are also frontline workers, including healthcare professionals, educators, grocery workers, are particularly at risk for secondary trauma. The impact of secondary trauma on overall mental health can not be overstated. Educational research centered around educator burnout and secondary trauma before 2020 estimated that 93 percent of teachers reported significant job-related stress⁵. Other “essential workers” are experiencing similar stress and anxiety levels in the current situation. Our collective experience has led to significant levels of overwhelm, toxic stress, and diminished mental wellness for many adults and children.

To combat the negative impact of current events, parents must develop intentional resiliency strategies for themselves and their children⁶. The five tips below can help you and your children combat feelings of overwhelm and grow resilience:

1. Understand the symptoms of overwhelm and toxic levels of stress. When feelings of overwhelm continue over time, your ability to manage stress decreases. A normally adaptive stress response may become toxic, resulting in increased feelings of isolation, aggression, anxiety, depression, feelings of hopelessness, and more. But, you can’t manage what you can’t recognize and acknowledge. The first step is understanding the symptoms of overwhelm and toxic stress, recognizing them in yourself, and teaching your children to do the same. Here are a few signs that you or your family may be experiencing overwhelm: a) you are experiencing an increase in stomachaches, headaches, and body pains; b) you cry or yell more frequently; c) little things bother you more than usual; d) your motivation has decreased significantly; e) you are experiencing sleep disturbances; f) your patience has decreased; g) you experience an increase or onset of anxiety and/or panic attacks; h) your sensory system is easily overwhelmed (i.e., sounds, scents, tactile feelings are easily overwhelmed); i) you are experiencing increases in emotional distress.
2. Prioritize mental wellbeing. Mental health is still stigmatized in the United States, and prioritizing mental health and wellbeing isn’t always embraced. However, during this period of sustained trauma, you and your family must prioritize your mental wellbeing and self-care. Consciously put your self-care first on the priority list – above your daily chores and work needs. This may feel selfish or uncomfortable. But the only way to develop the habit of prioritizing mental health is to put it first. Develop a self-care plan and put it into action. Help your children do the same.
3. Create a self-care plan. Self-care often feels like a luxury. How can one build time for self-care when working, educating, parenting, and everything else right now? Given the research around mental health, how can you not? Self-care doesn’t have to mean taking bubble baths and engaging in beauty rituals. Self-care is just about caring for your emotions and mental wellbeing in the same way you care for your physical health. Just as you brush your teeth, eat healthy foods, and try to exercise, take time to engage in practices that care for your emotional-being. This could mean eating one meal together as a family weekly. Or finding something to be grateful for daily. Self-care can even mean taking social media or technology breaks as much as possible. Anything that healthily boosts your mood improves your mental wellbeing.
4. Commit to daily action. Once you have decided what activities can elevate your mood, commit to engaging in these activities over the next several weeks. Add them to your morning or evening rituals. Put them on your to-do lists before your chores and other obligations. Set reminders on your calendar. There is no point in a self-care plan if you cannot develop the habit of doing the actions.
5. Show grace. As important as it is to commit to taking action to improve your self-care routine, it is equally important to show yourself and others a little grace. Developing new habits is hard. This is particularly true during times of extreme stress and overwhelm. Make a small change – one thing that will boost your mood each day. Build on your successes and go easy on yourself when you experience setbacks.

Monitoring your mental health and wellness is important. Take the time to increase your awareness of your mental states, and then teach your children to do the same. The more you can prioritize this aspect of your life, the more you can develop the resilience needed to get through our current global and national crises.

For more strategies to improve your mental wellness and support your children, here are a few previous posts you may find helpful:

• Creating Calm from Chaos
• Healing the Heart During COVID-19
• Reassuring Children During the COVID-19 Pandemic