My (25M) wife (25F) miscarried what would have been our third child. It happened right after we started telling people, at the tail end of the first trimester.
My sister in law drove my wife to the hospital, but during that time, me and our two kids ( 4F, 2M) were at my mom's house, and my mom (44F) is also pregnant and has been extremely sick during her entire pregnancy.
This will be my 6th sibling, with me being my mom and dad's oldest. My mom and dad are not getting along at the moment because a lot of my mom's family became very outspoken against the LDS church and she continues to acknowledge their birthdays and my dad and his church friends have been publicly insulted by my uncles. My other adult siblings are all very busy with their families, or are working hard to keep themselves afloat.
My mom had severe health problems starting with Baby Number 5, who is now 10M. Just a lot of autoimmune issues cropped up that caused her to have brain fog, hair loss, fatigue, weight issues. After my current youngest sibling, 5F was born, basically any amount of housework leaves her in severe joint pain and my dad has been a monster about it.
So my wife and I have been taking over most of the household administration, along with another sibling of mine, 24F, until she had her daughter and started struggling with depression. Usually my wife understands me having to go over to my parent's house and has been my mom's advocate, especially with regards to my dad being too close with his receptionist (24F), to the point where everybody is questioning how she affords a very nice apartment, but never having solid proof of anything.
Yet during her pregnancy she has been very upset and made comments about me always being there and that we needed to draw lines between family and extended family, which upset me. I feel like my wife likes being self sufficient and I don't do well when there's problems I cannot solve.
So when she began bleeding and was taken to the hospital I did go over to the hospital, but she was still bleeding. I felt very helpless and when my mom called to express her sympathies she also told me my dad heard the news and started blaming everybody and saying really nasty things. So she was crying and I felt like at least I could help her around the house, with my siblings and my kids at the house, and go grieve with her.
So I left the hospital and my wife is now very upset because apparently somebody she didn't like tried to visit and I wasn't there to advocate for her. I feel very bad but felt like I was no use since the baby was gone and at least I could help my mom live out her pregnancy in some comfort and shield her from my disgusting excuse for a dad, who my mom is only holding on to since they grew up together and because our family and social circle at least makes him respect her as the mom of his kids. AITA?
YTA. You prioritized your mother over your own wife while she was having a fucking miscarriage of your child! You are absolutely an enormous asshole shame on you .
YTA. You prioritize your mother over your own wife while she was having a fucking miscarriage of your child! You are absolutely an enormous asshole shame on you .
He’s doing to his wife what his dad is doing to his mom
OP! OP! LOOK HERE OP! THIS IS YOU OP, You're becoming your dad by being a 100% useless slab of meat that your wife has to deal with like another kid. Speaking of which, get a vasectomy until you grow up - stop having children until you get some therapy & stop the weird relationship with your mother. How TF does an adult leave their spouse who just miscarried, we don't understand your unhealthy relationship with your unhealthy mother, it's not your responsibility that your mother is choosing to keep bringing children into such a dead marriage. You don't sound mature enough to rent a video let alone be responsible for the 2 kids you've already made. YTA x a million. Mama's Boys Are Babies.
100% agree! OP Your wife was vulnerable and grieving the lost of your child, but instead you chose your mum, who is very self centred! Because if I had a son who's wife was miscarried I wouldn't even let him in my house despite whatever is going on with me. OP if you want to end up being a single divorced dad of 2 keep doing what you are doing, you will end up there soon! Massive YTA! Enjoy looking in the mirror and seeing your dad looking back!
Exactly! My mil lost her husband at the same time that I had the most horrendous shock of a lifetime. I was not ill, and had been with my now husband not even 3 months at that point (not even met mil) and she told him to come be with me.
Op, YTA for leaving your wife. What if something went wrong like a haemorrhage and you weren't there? Whereas your mother is bringing another child into an abusive environment. She might need support but unless she's going to leave imminently she has to come second to someone who is actually losing a child.
She should come second to his wife period, not just when she's losing a child
I don't understand people in marriages who don't understand this. You marry someone, they become your partner, your number one above all others.
This. 👆👆👆👆👆
My husband, for example, who tells me “family days are important” and will spend his 1 free day with his mom and siblings while I spend yet another day of the week alone with our twin babies. My family lives 1400 miles away. I got real sick of that real fast when they were born and flew them home to my parents’ and we spent the winter with them. Now we are doing the same thing this year. Some boys just never realize that your “family” becomes the one you create as an adult. They stay little mommy’s boys forever.
Maybe his mom could use her brain and some common sense and STOP birthing kids. As you said; it’s an abusive and unhealthy environment. It especially makes no sense given her increasing health issues.
I very loudly, said, “you’re absolutely the asshole”. She had health issues after number five, but is having number six with a shitty dad. But wants you to wait on her hand and foot? ABSOLUTELY YTA
Number 7….. it’s his 6th sibling🙄
The title alone was bad, but the story itself is even worse. He wants us to say "nah, not the AH dear, she shouldn't nag, you showed your face so you're all good." No, doesn't work that way. He's the AH big time, and the mother too for even bringing her own woes up in a time like that.
ETA: I just realise that she's bringing up the negatives of her own pregnancy to her son and daughter-in-law who are in the process of losing her very own grandchild.
No no, number seven! Even after acquiring yet more health issues from the sixth!
Yeah, frankly, if his mum is getting pregnant despite having serious health issues that mean she cannot care for her own kids, she kind of put herself in this situation - I wonder if it's some weird anti-birth control religious thing, because I sure wouldn't put myself or the kid through that. It sounds like her body is screaming at her to stop having kids. Sure, maybe she needed emotional support, but it was hardly 'my child just died' emotional support, and she also was not actively in the hospital receiving urgent medical treatment. It's bonkers to prioritise mum over his own wife.
LDS does believe in birth control. It’s a matter of as many as you can monetarily afford and healthily take care of. It’s it one, so be it. Heck, if it’s zero, that’s good too. They may be misinterpreting something. I know a family when I was growing up that they felt it was their duty to multiply and replenish the earth sort of thing. (I’m sure I’m putting everything wrong, but the LDS church is definitely not against birth control.). Numbers one and two were twins. They were convinced to end with numbers 12 and 13 because it was a sign to start and end with twins. They needed help from the church to feed and clothe the kids, and they were crammed into bedrooms. So far as I know, none of the kids have had kids of their own beyond three. Mainly one. But they were the exception rather than the rule. Our family was considered large with five kids. This was in the South Bay Area in the 1980s
Maybe they're part of the Quiverfull sect.
It's also a way to keeping control over the family. I'm helpless, you have to take care of me. Creating a crisis whenever you can.
This is number 7
Even if she was in an accident & needed a transfusion or had emergency surgery, who goes to help someone vacuum & put the newspapers in a neat pile? Not for nothing, but that 'someone' has Severe health issues from her last pregnancy 10 years ago. This whole mishegoss is such an advertisement against Abrahamic religions/Cults: women have kids, women lose kids- gods will & all. Women have babies, women die in childbirth- gods will & all. He'd get remarried in a heartbeat if his wife unexpectedly died, because he's clueless to the depths of the human hearts capacity for love. Women, children & pets (although sometimes they love their pets most) are replaceable & his mom has trained him to be a stand in for his golem of a father, to do 'dad stuff' around the house. OP says his other siblings have their own lives & families & he's the only one to help mom. We don't need to guess where OP will be all day, every free moment of every day when his severely ill mother attempts & fails to care for an infant & her 10 yr old when she can barely take care of herself, according to OP. Dad's checked out & schtupping his 24 yr old secretary so there's no one else AND OPs wife will be knocked up again soon too! You don't expect him to wait 6 weeks for sex do you? (Yes, I'm extremely against the "pedophile homeland" that is organized religion & Xtian mythology.)
I love how you used an offshoot of the Abrahamic languages to argue this point. Quite honestly, it is a strike of genius! As for what you said, I can only agree.
Hahaha yeah I noticed that, too. And even as a member of said Abrahamic religion, it made me actually lol
I was a raised member of said religion, and I haven’t heard most of these words since the passing of my grandmother 20+ years ago. The fact I read the whole comment and understood without any hesitation made it even more brilliant to me. It was a work of art!
It really was!! And frankly after a re-read, I really don’t think any other words could be used in their place. They just make sense.
Exactly! I honestly wish English had half as many awesome words that just describe things you don’t think to describe unless you are, in that precise moment, trying to express it. In English, there is no equivalent as sleek and eloquent as machatunim - it’s just clunky and cumbersome work arounds utilized because the word simply does not exist (that I know of).
I really enjoyed reading this! Absolutely brilliant. 🥰
Well written and golem is an accurate description.
Agreed I got fired up lol
Cowbell has seen some shit, for sure🤩
I too use Xtian and Xtianity. Got called a racist for my trouble.
Also…his siblings are busy with their own lives and families and can’t help? Why the hell does OP think he’s not in the same position?! He’s got a home and kids too! And his wife is miscarrying ffs, I’m pretty sure that counts as a situation where he should be even more busy with his own immediate family than his siblings are with theirs.
You must have skimmed over the fact that she pushed out another child 5F after her health went to shiite and caused more illness. Her husband needs to be castrated. It's weird that they have a 25, 23, 10, 5, and now an infant on the way for pregnancy #5? Is this like a polygamist church? Where they have many moms?
Boom!
That was awesome!
This all sounds like that Duggar family!
Just gross and unhealthy.
She had another baby 5 years ago. I agree with you, I just wanted to point that out
The mom already has an infant. She has a 10 month old and a five year old plus this one on the way which is baby number 7. She got pregnant pretty much immediately after giving birth the last time.
He worded it poorly. She had problems with the baby number 5 (aka his 4th sibling), who's 10 y.o. now and a male (hence "10M"), then she had the baby number 6 (his 5th sibling), who's 5 y.o. now and a female (5F). Now she's pregnant with the baby number 7 (his 6th sibling)
100x yes to everything. ...like I didn't wanna say it, but I'm gonna say it..why is his mom having another baby at 44 when she clearly had issues with the last one 5 years ago and her husband isn't even in the picture hardly? I knew reading this that they were probably one of those "don't believe in birth control" religions, like you said, God's will this and God's will that..it becomes just ridiculous at a certain point. If you can't take care of yourself and you can't take care of the kids you have/the home as it is now..um, is having another child really the best idea? Is that really "God's will"?? 🤔 hm..
While you aren't wrong on any of this, LDS is not really an Abrahamic religion. It's just a cult loosely inspired by Christianity.
Hate to be the one to break it to you but, Christianity, in all it's 40,000 sects is a big ole Cult.
The mom also has a 5 year old
YTA x infinity! Let me be sure I have this right: Your mom called to say how upset she was that your wife was having a miscarriage - so you LEFT YOUR WIFE HAVING A MISCARRIAGE to go comfort your mom. Do I have that right? My ex-husband left me at the hospital while I was having a miscarriage too. Well, he was my husband at the time. Hint, hint. Do better!
Many LDS people feel like miscarriages show they are not worthy. So his mom could have been thinking that. Hence her willingness to keep spawning abused children.
😖
And for him to say he could grieve the loss with his mother by LEAVING his wife who literally just miscarried is so incredibly back-ass-wards I had to read it several times to comprehend it.
Hell she could have come to the hospital and been there to support her DIL.
I too would not let my boys in, I would tell them they better get back to the hospital immediately. OP’s mom is truly a bad person, just like her son and husband.
I was thinking the same exact thing about the mother.
I would never ask anything remotely like this of my son.
That’s just nuts.
If anything I would be asking how I could help him and his wife regardless of what was going on with me.
Like keep the other kids while he could take care of his wife.
What a disaster!
I'd take the grandkids to help, then tell him to get his ass back to the hospital to support his wife. He doesn't get to opt out of being there for her through something this horrible.
Yeah, as OP was going on about his shitty father all I could think was, he can’t be too bad. She keeps popping out his babies/is currently pregnant.
OP, YTA. You left your grieving wife to go grieve with your mother?! Wtf?? You started your own nuclear family, it’s way past the time to cut the cord with your mother. She shouldn’t be leaning on you so hard, it’s her messy life that she continues to make worse. No amount of ‘household administration’ you do for her is going to fix that. Maybe if you stop trying to fix her life and make her man up and deal with it herself, she’ll do whatever she needs to do to fix her situation. That will free you up to be a husband to your wife, you know, the woman you made vows to.
I mean if they're still LDS which it sounds like they are, Mom probably doesn't have much of a choice of popping out babies. Dad sucks. Op sucks.
OP YTA and you treat women as valuable only for their wombs. "well my kid is dead so I might as well focus all my attention on my mommy who still has that live kid in there. Screw my wife having a medical emergency and actively miscarrying, she's no good to me now not pregnant."
Edit just for clarification LDS are Mormons.
Mormons can use birth control.
Sounds like OP needs to marry his mom
Better yet, what the bloody hell was his mother grieving? Her down the drain marriage that she ALREADY knew was flashed before inviting his dad with open legs for chance to traumatize another child.
No. He left his grieving wife while she was still loosing the child, and in a state where she could easily and quickly take a turn for the worse. To be with his upset mom. The amount of betrayal there is astounding.
She was still bleeding, he didn’t stick around to wait and see, support his wife, he left While she was still bleeding. This sentence makes me nauseous,
I've read the post a paragrah at a time & as each new section is revealed, OP just looks worse & worse. I'm no trying to be melodramatic here, he really is clueless and immature, with the ethics & responsibility you'd expect from a cheeky 6 yr old who gets bored of waiting around because it's not all about him, so he walks off. OPs immaturity is what gobsmacks me. Christian mythology/LDS nonsense is responsible for this mess, start to finish.
He didn't even DRIVE her there, the sister in law did.
OP is a horrible husband. YTA.
Perhaps mother is pregnant with son's child! That's the only plausible reason for his abandonment of his own wife after her miscarriage. I find his thought process throughout the post to be totally unbelievable. If I were his wife I would NEVER entertain having another child with this guy--he's a stone-cold idiot.
Unbelievable for sure. There are a lot of discrepancies like mom's pregnancy is going to be 6th baby, but then later says health issues started with #5 a 10M but the youngest sibling is 5F. Not sure if its a typo, but it doesn't math the way mathing should.... 🤔
But either way, yes... OP YTA. Your wife was in trauma and needed your support and you failed her EPICLY!
I was confused because he said they're Latter Day Saints (Mormon) but she gets in trouble for celebrating birthdays. LDS is fine about bdays. It's Jehovah's Witness that refuses to acknowledge them. (I am not LDS but had a good college friend who was.)
I noticed the age thing too and did a double take.
I don’t think celebrating birthdays is the problem, it sounds like she is celebrating the birthdays of her children who have renounced the LDS church and thus are supposed to be essentially dead to them because cult.
Not her children, her brothers. Who are speaking out against the church and insulting her husband. Who is acting like a baby and then taking it out on his wife because she refuses to shun them.
I do feel sorry for OP's mum, but at the same time, OP is a massive AH for abandoning his wife with her trauma.
That's also Jehovah's Witness and not Mormon. It can be very difficult to socialize with heavy-duty Mormons when you have left the church, simply because so very many activities and conversations revolve around the church, but there is no rule of shunning the way there is for JW. Of course, anyone can choose to shun family for religious or any other reasons, but it's not a thing with Mormons the way it is with JW. Which makes me think this person posted a very sloppy false story.
There may be no hard and fast rule for shunning the way there is with JW’s, but that doesn’t mean individual families within the Mormon church don’t choose to cut off family members for that reason. They absolutely do.
It means every 5 years or so, father knocks up mother to keep her chained. She won't get an abortion because she won't think for herself. The Only solution is to be deprogrammed from this Cult & Pay for a nanny & housekeeper (no females under 30 around daddy). OP should get a vasectomy & move to Europe w/his wife & 2 kids.
I think the issue with birthdays is they belong to people OP’s father doesn’t like.
Them Mormon birthday thing made me scratch my head too.
Like what? Plus what does it have to do with literally anything else?
That threw me too, but he said his 6th sibling so baby no 7 counting him. But he's still an idiot
OP is Baby Number 1 and has six siblings (including the pregnancy), so 10M is Baby Number 5, 5F is Baby Number 6 and the pregnancy is Baby Number 7.
Either way, it doesn't matter. OP is TA for acting like his wife needs zero physical and emotional support, while insisting that his mother needs both.
He said pregnancy is 6th sibling, meaning 7th baby. Pregnancy #5 is sibling number 4, youngest siblung is 5th sibling and pregnancy 6th
My ex had an emotional incestuous relationship with his mother. It ruined the relationship.
Sounds like they're fundies and having babies is all their women do.
OP and dad can both book a joint vasectomy!!
Like I should have said it my self! OP, you’r a big, big AH!
And the cats in the cradle…
Ha ha ha So my first husband hated his father because his father cheated on his mother. Still despises him till this day! Then a few years after we got married I find out he had been cheating on me the whole time! And I never understood why his mom stayed with his dad and he said it was because she told him Catholics can't get divorced. And this is the day I found out that he married me because I was " a safe bet" and part of that had to do with my involvement in my church!
And the day I told him that he is his father, that he's become the very thing he hates... I literally thought was going to be my last day on earth! He LOST IT! I'm still not sure if he realizes it was true. But apparently that happens a whole lot more than we think... And that's why I'm always in here saying to these people that being in these horrible relationships teaches their children to accept it and to even perpetuate it! OP is his dad. Lol Even though he hates him
Omg. My ex husband’s dad abandoned him when he was 4, got back in touch when he was 18 and they had a rocky relationship, more like acquaintances than like father and son.
Our whole marriage this man complained about his heartbreak and trauma from being abandoned. Used it to justify so much abuse and violence, until I eventually left him.
Now the man’s abandoned his own children. Moved to another country to avoid having to see them. Full circle smh
Isn't it crazy when they become the exact thing they hate? They don't even realize it! Mind-blowing!
I hope you left him. Did you?
Yes! Divorced after almost 10 years of marriage.
Better late than never.
Just a bit of advice for anyone reading, when you confront partners for truly shitty behaviour, have back up, take them somewhere safe or call friend/family to be in the house in the next room ready to help out.
Confronting pieces of shit is kinda the same situaiton as backing a criminal with a gun into a corner, they might see their life slipping away and go scorched earth.
NO matter how safe you've believed yoru partner is, have a safety net. If the partner goes psycho call friends/family in and shove them out the door call the cops and either they calm down themselves or hte police will take them away to.
While obviously men are much more likely to commit domestic violence, women can just as easily grab a knife or anything else at hand and go apeshit in the moment. Have protection, which also gives you witnesses.
Too many people stayed in relationships because of being told that. While the church may “frown upon it”, catholics absolutely can and do get divorced.
YTA OP, possibly the biggest one I’ve seen EVER on this sub, and you need to read this. You are literally becoming your abusive dad. You NEED therapy for your wife’s sake
u/Throwawayodeg
Look here. Please. With your actions you're only going to ruin the relationship your wife and your mom has.
The wife should start looking for A divorce attorney now!
THIS, EXACTLY.
I’m going to pray his wife has the strength to move to the other side of the country away from these people.
I had the same thought!
Fucking right?
OP calls his dad a monster while doing the same shit
Yep I thought that same. His dad is a trash husband and taught him to also be a trash husband.
Their entire family is dysfunctional and the entire story sounds so gross to me to the point that I can't believe there are people like them!
Right? And why the hell is she still having kids at 44? Sheesh.
Especially if she is already having problems doing things on her own. Wtf.
Nature is trying to tell her "bruh, really, stop" but she won't take a hint.
Either that or big Daddy is using his churches belief to crank out kids as the lords will till the mom dies. Edited for grammar.
Either that or big Daddy is using his churches belief to crank out kids is the lords will to the mom dies.
Sounds like he's already got the replacement model lined up. The secretary is so cliché.
Actually women in their 20’s have miscarriages…should they stop?
I think the comment was directed at OPs mother's health issues
Keep up with the conversation if your going to make snide comments, so you don't look like an idiot, like what just happened
If you’re on your 5th pregnancy in your 20’s and incapable of being a person, ya. Stop.
This is the real head scratcher for me
Because religion? I'll never understand it.
Can't take care of herself or kids she already has but wants more. Okay then.
Massive health issues as a result of a 5th at 38-39, then health issues during and after pregnancies fucking skyrocket after 40, as does chance of unhealthy child itself. Just straight up selfish at that point, she's apparently so ill she can't help out around the house without severe pain, so she's probably barely able to help out a 5yr old let alone another new born let, let alone a new kid who has a much higher chance of major health issues, let alone if she has even more health issues as a result of another pregnancy.
Also her husband has been a dick for 5 years and is 'probably' cheating with the sexretaary...... have another child, that will make things better. People are fucking crazy. Then op ignores an actual acute emergency with his wife to go take care of his mother because dad was mean... again, as he has been for 5 years, in a situation the mother put herself in and is just another day.
sounds like they're mormon (specifically members of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints), so there's a non-zero chance that OP's parents have similar beliefs to the quiverfull movement (basically "we don't believe in birth control; God will give us as many children as He sees fit")
Technically the quiverfull movement’s ideology is based on the racist replacement theory. They feel they are at war with creeping masses of non-believes and non-whites who seek to replace them by out breeding them.
There are so many ways it’s toxic to pretty much everyone who isn’t a white Christian male that it’s hard to know where to start condemning them.
TeChNiCaLlY
They will just keep on having kids until they can't anymore, even if it isn't in the best interest of the mother, if the pregnancies become increasingly complicated, or that the babies will be born with some kind of issue or disability.
As someone raised Mormon, this was my first thought lol. Sadly my reaction was “what, 44 isn’t that old?”
LDS is Mormons. She sees it as a religious obligation. It's going to kill her - I'll never understand why religions cannot see reality.
That or her husband is trying to kill her this way. She dies in childbirth or after and he gets to be the hero grieving widowed father in the eyes of the church and community.
And get to have his side piece of a receptionist to boot
Me either. I could never let a religion dictate my life.
I'm fine with people trying to be loving or compassionate because of religion, i get upset when their religion is used as an excuse to be nasty or causes self harm.
I will never understand it.
They don’t care. Women are replaceable..,
That's probably the funniest statement I've ever read.
Women are incubators, that's why.
And pregnant in eternity. Sounds fun!
If your wife is smart, she's already making plans to leave you.
Hopefully
Wtf? I don't have a wife, I'm a chick, a straight chick, lol.
Yup. Time to shut down that factory.
Stupid is as stupid does. If you belong to one of the religions who condemn birth control (just ridiculous), then keep your fucking legs closed.
She keeps CHOOSING to have children with a man who seems to hate her and her kids, and uses her oldest son as her therapist to discuss her marital issues. AND knowing that her daughter in law was actively miscarrying, she still couldn’t resist wielding that emotional bludgeon and telling her son how bad HER situation. Even if it was his decision to go to her, as a mother and mistreated wife, she should have sent him right back to his wife, who OBVIOUSLY NEEDED HIM MORE. What a disgustingly selfish woman. No wonder she raised a spineless coward and failure of a husband and father.
LDS women are often brainwashed and controlled. They make very few choices on their own. This "religion" is a cult and needs to be abolished. Bet they live in Utah.
This woman was raised in an abusive religion and was married off as a teenager (she was 19 when OP was born). She was taught her only value is from child bearing and that she us not allowed to say no to sex with her husband. She is being raped and controlled
Exactly. "Religious" people generally suck like that.
It may not be exactly free choice.
Mormon. LDS. No birth control. Mysogyny. Fun times!
And women always pay the price.
The kids do too. It's a disgusting fucking cult.
Seriously. Sounds like that mom is going to breed herself into an early grave and you know the dad won't take care of the children and I doubt his side piece is going to want to start raising a passel of kids that aren't hers. I suspect the OP's wife will get saddled with having to help raise them. Such a messed up religion.
Lds church said it all. 😂
She's LDS and maybe didn't get pregnant of her own free will, if what he says about his dad is true
Probably r@pe within marriage. So sad that some women don't respect themselves enough to walk away.
yes that's what I was hinting at, but your comment is victim blaming.
What victim?
The victim of a cult and of an abusive situation
Mormons, catholics and quiverfull AHs.
That’s not exactly the truth anymore. 76% of Catholic are pro choice. The church I grew up in (don’t really practice anymore) was fine with bc and was more pro choice. Looking back I think was a very forward thinking Catholic Church from the 90s and early 00s
55% of AMERICANS are pro-choice, but here we are.
True. Catholics are not pumping out tons of kids nowadays.
Ridiculous. So many atrocities have been committed in the name of religion
Because she's married to a religious zealot who's forcing her to? That seemed pretty obvious. The worst part of all this is his mom didnt even ASK him to come over. He just wanted an excuse to bail on his wife.
He's definitely an asshole, but mom has the choice to keep her legs closed. If she doesn't then she should leave. This is beyond fucked up in this day and age.
She has lots of kids, chronic illness, and very likely no income of her own. But yeah, let's blame her for being raped by her husband
Ok, let's try to be an independent human. I have no sympathy for women who put their welfare above their children's or their own. There are ways out, if you want it.
LDS. She has no choice about anything. THE MAN is everything, decides everything, and nobody can say a word.
As an LDS woman I say unequivocally your statement is wrong. It’s laughable that you think that.
LDS are big on lots of kids
LDS. That explains everything in this post
Because menopause doesn’t start till your 50’s…not 29 like idiots made up.
religious trauma
Wasn't raised religious, but I do have friends that have religious trauma. I'll never understand it.
LDS. Which must be a strict sect
Because crazy? I could never imagine letting a religious sect dictate my life.
I'm 44. My daughter is 20. I cannot even fathom being pregnant and having a newborn at this age. 😒
AND that she just had one 10 months ago! Poor lady barely got a break
Fucking ridiculous. I wasn't raised religious and I'm glad.
YTA- You can’t help those that don’t want to be helped which in this case its your mother.
Her religion….🙄
From reading OP's post the family is LDS.
I read that. I know that the Catholic Church is against birth control, and I didn't know LDS was. I have never been religious and can't fathom a religion dictating my life.
44 alone isn't a bad age to have kids, many women have kids laterin life now. Atleast where I'm from. It's no biggie.
Biggie is she clearly can't even cope with the kids she already has and is trying to squeeze out even more of them. It's very risky and very unfair to everyone involved.
His mom needs to start Crossing her legs. If they're part of that religion he mentions that's why she still having kids she's going to keep getting pregnant till she can't or until one of these kids kills her.
She's married to someone who doesn't like her speaking to relatives that left the religion. The poor woman very likely doesn't have a choice regarding intercourse and pregnancy. Lots of religious extremists are rapists in marriage
Exactly. I will never understand people who let a religion dictate their life to their detriment.
why you shaming someone for having kids later in life?
Because she can't cope currently and needs her son at her beck and call because she's not able to manage to the point he's abandoning his own family.
Edit typo
Beck and call....
Thanks, I'll update that now im somewhat tipsy, so thanks for the correct x
Because she already has 5, if she waited until later in life and this was number 1 or 2 then no problem, but number 6, that's ridiculous.
There is nothing wrong with having a child at 44
There IS if your relationship is rocky!
Especially with serious health issues that are getting worse
And relying on your oldest children to take care the house and younger children to the detriment of their own families.
There is if your health is so bad you have to rely on your other kids to take care of the house because you can’t and you already have 5 children.
Yes there is when is the sixth.
This is their 7th. Not cool to do that if it’s so negatively affecting your health and you depend on your older kids to do everything
There is when your husband is fucking his secretary and your health is so bad you need your adult children to do all your admin for you
Unless it is number SIX and number 5 was risky, duh. Number 1 or 2 because you put it off, no problem. But if you're having complicated pregnancies when your older kids are having kids, then that's a problem.
8 paragraphs of excuses when the answer was obvious
Exactly. You have abandoned your wife during an acute emergency and should be ashamed.
I am very pro therapy and working it out in most cases (excluding abuse,etc) but this is something I would divorce over.
OP, apologize your ass off and do everything you possibly can to prove to her that you will never do something that stupid again.
Yeah…sounds like something his dad would do…..
And OP has the nerve to call his father a "disgusting excuse of a father." Dude needs to look in the mirror and accept the fact that he's a disgusting excuse for a husband.
LOL and he doesn’t even see the irony that he is an equal of not worse monster than his dad by ditching his wife during her miscarriage. Honestly I would NEVER forgive that.
I am literally sitting here like, "You left your wife in the hospital WHILE YOUR CHILD WAS DYING so you could go clean your mom's (who has a whole husband and a bunch of kids) house and you're asking us if that was an asshole move????"
Like did he even think this post through before posting it? Read it back to himself aloud???
YTA
I get that OP wants to be somewhere where he can fix things, but, OP, grown ups understand that you can't always fix things, and you need to be able to sit in grief and loss with the people closest to you. Grieving together, LOSING together, brings you closer to a person. You lost out on a huge opportunity to bond with your wife and support her, not to mention GET her support. YTA, and a huge child as well.
Absolutely.
OP also points out that his siblings can't do it because they're all busy taking care of their own families, but it never crossed his mind that maybe he should be doing the same. And regardless of whether his parents are getting along or not, it is still his Dad's responsibility to take care of his wife when she's sick. Especially since she is pregnant with his child.
👆🚩👆🚩THIS!🚩👆🚩👆🚩
PRIORITIES OUT OF WHACK‼️
It doesn’t matter if you felt ineffective or helpless there; it’s your WIFE!
You.Had.One.Job.
Epic fail.
👎👎👎👎👎👎👎👎👎👎
Totally!
The TLDR should read that I abandoned my wife, who was losing our 3rd child to go be a mommy's boy and get caught up in family drama
OP YTA
The nerve for him to call his own father a disgusting excuse for a dad and not recognize that he himself is a disgusting excuse of a husband is astounding.
Sorry to hop on the top post but surely this is a rage bait post. There is no sane person who would do this and then ask if they weren't the biggest AH ever.
And the mom sounds awful. She finds out her son and DIL are losing their child and she makes it all about herself! To the point that he has to go over and comfort and take care of HER for the death of his own child!
“I feel very bad but felt like I was no use since the baby was gone and at least I could help my mom live out her pregnancy so in some comfort and shield her from my disgusting excuse for a dad…..”
Yeah, the baby is gone so why stay there? Really? Like wtf! How about to COMFORT AND GRIEF WITH YOUR WIFE!!!
What you did is so heartless. Your Mother should have let you have that moment with your wife too. You’re not her husband, you’re her son and she should have told you to stay with your wife. All the People that are saying you’re behaving just like your father…are absolutely right.
YTA, a giant one!
Well, how do you say it any better than u/GonnaBeOverIt
Let’s also add that his mom’s problems are her own doing, she knows her complications and continues to have kids with her POS husband.
LOL and he doesn’t even see the irony that he is an equal of not worse monster than his dad by ditching his wife during her miscarriage. Honestly I would NEVER forgive that.
Yta. You left your wife alone in one of the most heartbreaking and vulnerable times in a woman's life. You can excuse yourself and bring your parent's abusive marriage into it all you want, but at the end of the day you abandoned your wife in a time when she needed you most. I see divorce in your future.
This Op Yta, your marriage isn’t going to last if you don’t prioritize your family that you choose to create.
They're Mormons. She won't divorce him. She is going to spend the rest of her life resenting and hating her husband and she dm well should. But if she tries to leave she will be ostracized by both his family and hers.
It's fuckin disgusting.
And she’ll continue having babies with him until she can’t have babies anymore.
Source: just look at his mom 🤷♀️
Yeap, he is doing to his wife what his father is doing to his mom! He is as abusive as his father!
Perfectly said... *And, the abusive cycle continues...
BINGO.
Exactly. He’s just repeating the cycle, no healing has happened at all.
Or dies trying.
I would rather be dead than be with this idiot. Hopefully she leaves even though they are Mormon.
Exactly.
That’s why he’s starting up with the Secretary.
or she'll get too sick to do anything and still have another baby in her mid 40s
Like OP’s mom. :(
Then, just like his Mom... she will have more babies, even tho she shouldn't. Because she is a breeder. No more, no less
Mornoms get divorced all the time. His mom is just dumber than most Mormon women.
Can confirm. Am Mormon, am divorced.
Me too! Not ostracized, no kids, not a big deal.
I remember when Marie Osmond got a divorce; her husband was cheating on her. She got a lot of grief for that.
The church is extremely cruel towards divorced women, to the point where leaving the church is probably easier than leaving her husband. And leaving the church isn’t technically possible, since they’ll never recognize her choices.
As a divorced Mormon woman, I would have to disagree with this. I got nothing but support when I left my ex husband.
As an ex Mormon, I have not seen this to be the case at all.
And she will be better off without the lot of them.. I just wish she could see that...
Right. Get away now before she has too many babies to take with her...
My Mormon friend just got divorced! So it happens!
Standard Mormons support divorce when abuse is involved. It’s the FLDS cult where you see problems like this, and that group is NOT supported or condoned by LDS. I have LDS family and friends and yes, there are divorces that have occurred. Each time, they were absolutely warranted, and each time, the families still remained supportive and united for the sake of the children. Of course not everyone is like this, but family is the #1 priority of LDS culture so a “Good Mormon” will conduct themselves accordingly.
My in-laws are almost all Mormon. I have come to realize there are different levels of Mormon. While California Mormons generally are more supportive of divorce, Utah Mormons are not going to be as kind.
Agreed, my sister’s experience as a divorced LDS woman in Utah was very challenging. Plenty of support and commiseration for her ex, not so much for her.
Right? The mom is getting pulled through the wringer for acknowledging the birthdays of her family members how have defected.
Plus seeing as everyone knows the dad is having an affair and funding his mistress yet no-one is doing anything, what the chances that OP will end up doing the same thing. Wife needs to run far far away.
At least until the husband dies and she can sigh in relief.
The Mommy will dump even more on OP who has no spine.
Mormons, they seem to end up here a lot.
Mormons get divorced all the time and they’re definitely not ostracized. Maybe you’re thinking of FLDS; they are very different
some mormon women do wake up, and for her sake i hope she does
Seems like being ostracized from both families seems like a huge plus, from what she’s living like now, but like you’ve said, those things don’t change
Religion is disgusting
Especially the ones who subjugate women. Basically the only thing that they want women to do is keep house and pop out babies, no matter the cost to the woman. What do you want to bet OPs dear mother was told after her last pregnancy it was not advised to have another.
Maybe she'll really wake up and leave the cult, too?
I don't think this is acceptable. OP Your spouse requires legal advice, and you both require counseling. Either sort out your priorities or prepare to have your mother by your side for the rest of your days. Yup.
I actually read a similar story to this, where the OP was going through a miscarriage and her husband left her to deal with it alone, to go play house with his mummy. His mummy wasn't even pregnant. She said she was traumatised by what OP was going through. So her husband told her to go clean up the blood, while he took his mother home. He even left her with his young children from his first marriage, and the OP had to call their mum to come get them, and it was the ex who took her to the hospital. Guess what? They're now divorced. Hopefully, this OP's wife has the sense to get out of there with her kids, Mormon or not. OP is 100% the AH. It's his father's job to look after the woman he impregnated. It's OP's job to look after the woman that HE impregnated. OP is a joke. That poor woman.
"I don't well when there are problems I can't solve." WELL. There's something to work on. You need to be able to support your spouse through unsolvable problems.
OP's marriage is lasting. He's married to his mom afterall. His wife is just a side chick. This kind of man is so in love with their moms, it's disgusting.
I hope she leave him over this. I really did. What an AH. Biggest AH I’ve seen in this sub for a LONG TIME.
If I was his mom I’d tell him to get his ass back to the hospital! This family is a mess and I hope the wife leaves him.
Unfortunately, it sounds like he has taken over the role of “emotional husband” for his mother, who is probably basking in it because she has no real way to communicate with her own husband.
But she keeps getting pregnant by him ...
Constant pregnancies are part of the religious culture
Women buy their way into heaven by having lots of babies
Ah yes. The “number of blessings” or something isn’t it?
Something like that 😑
To the detriment of her health and marriage, she keeps having babies. Unreasonable and irresponsible decisions in the name of religion.
marital rape is pretty common in super religious households
Isn’t that what good Mormons do?/S
Ironically, my sister and I were talking about the local LDS Church yesterday and the time she was asked to not come back to the youth group. This was at least 25 years ago, but it's still funny to hear the story.
Short version was she was at the youth group and they were getting a lecture on not being allowed to alter your body in Any way, No Exceptions. The lecture was because one of the girl's had her ears pierced and all the kids admitted to drinking caffeine. My sister, being a smart ass, asked if the bishop's daughter's abortion would be considered altering her body or is a better example the bishop's wife coloring her hair? She just needed clarification because it was so "confusing". "Abortion and coloring hair is ok, but I can't pierce my ears or drink coke?"🤣
Somewhere in there are also quoted the Bible when Jesus turned water to wine and said to his followers to have fun.
Oh my God, this is so funny! I love your sister! I love people who call out hypocrites on their shit.
The /s isn't even needed...it is what good Mormons do
As if she has a choice
I think the mother is being grossly selfish with her son’s time, but she might not really have a choice about having children.
I think she also needs to stop having children with him.
If they're mormons they probably don't use contraception.
He is an abusive partner to his wife too.
He learned it from his dad.
👆👆👆👆👆👆👆👆👆👆👆
This.
Some of the things he says about his father are simply a darker shade of OP.
The only specifics of the “abuse” are not helping mommy around the house, not being around much and possibly fucking his secretary.
OP is sure as fuck not helping his wife around the house and with his kids. He is too busy playing house with his mommy.
Espousal of a child takes years, and is very insidious. The forms of manipulation are very subtle - one of the reasons it is so difficult to ID.
I agree 💯 OP is an AH, just trying to address red flags as they come.
The guy is stupid and messed up majorly but for God's sake not everything is abuse.
Have you had a miscarriage? Not your partner but you personally? If not, you need to sit down.
Something can be terribly wrong and horrible without being “abuse”.
Yes more than one and at one time my ex kicked me in the stomach so my baby would and it did... I've also been raped and sodomized do I fit your little box of criteria???
Then maybe you should actually have more empathy for other people
I'm not going to label a man an abuser for being a fallible human being you talk about empathy well what about the fact that grief affects ppl differently yeah he messed up big but he also suffered a loss. I think maybe you shouldn't try to leverage my pain against me to try and manipulate me into believing my opinion isn't valid... talk about emotional abuse on your part.
I'm so sorry that happened. I know it can be tough when you've suffered abuse like that, and you keep seeing people use the word "abuse" to describe lesser acts of harm and neglect, and it's also tough to have compassion for others when you feel like you're not getting the support you need. That said, you're not the arbiter of what constitutes abuse and what doesn't, and when you police people's use of the word they are going to question why you feel qualified to do so.
Please get therapy if you're not already doing so.
I will never label a man an abuser for being a fallible human being who was grieving a loss as well men aren't robots and deserve consideration after losing a child too.
The audacity of him judging his father for being a bad husband while he perpetuated the very cycle.
At least he sees his father being an asshole, too many Mormon men do that, being TA. But yeah, still sounds like typical Mormon male not knowing his priorities.
It's so much better being on the outside of that cluster fuck of a cult.
This! YTA. Surely with all of these kids, one of your siblings could be stepping up to help your mom. If you want to salvage your own marriage you need to apologize to your wife and start spending more time with her and your own children. Your mother is an adult. Let her handle her own problems.
OP is busy committing emotional incest with his mother.
Yeah, this entire situation seems extremely odd... For example, if OP's Mother had so many children, why wouldn't the other children help Mom while he's dealing with his own issues??? Especially issues such as miscarriages and infant death. You'd think that if they were so involved with a church or a religion that those people would reach out to help, too... I don't know, though.
You have decided that your mom's emotional fragility is more important than your wife's hospitalization. That's what you decided.
Then you explained that you can't cope with problems you can't solve. So I'm hearing that if your wife became disabled, you "couldn't cope". You don't have that luxury.
This is just so stupid of op. No one likes problems they can't solve?! It doesn't mean you leave!
I’m pretty sure they’re Mormon so unfortunately she probably won’t divorce him. I hope she heals enough mentally and emotionally before they try again.
That’s part of the problem, he knows he can do this douchey stuff and not have any real repercussions, besides his wife begging him to act like he has some sense. I feel so bad for her.
Just because she won’t leave him doesn’t mean there can’t be serious consequences. She can make him so incredibly miserable just like he’s doing to her.
My family is Mormon/LDS and my mum is twice divorced. She can divorce him and I hope she does for this act of despicable neglect.
Yeah I hope they won't try anytime soon. OPs mom is about to kick the bucket so who do you think is gonna need to take care of the younger siblings?
I have a feeling "they" aren't trying.
What he did is pretty unforgiveable.
I am hoping she kicks him to the curb. He is already brain-washed both by religion and his over dependence on his mother. I see no hope here at all.
Miscarriage is devastating. My hubby was with me the entire time. YTA.
YTA, OP. She will never forgive you or forget.
The spouse always comes first. Always. Your mother already has her husband and an OBGYN to take care of her.
I'm not Mormon, but I believe the church of LDS still follows the Bible, yes? Perhaps read the part in Genesis about how a man leaves his father and mother and clings to his wife. If you believe Scripture is the inspired word of God, take your cue from this.
Consider yourself fortunate if your wife ever forgives you for this. YTA.
My ex husband abandoned me after I lost a baby. He told me to get over it when I was still grieving.
He later abandoned me in the hospital when our first was born. She wasn’t breathing properly and he left the delivery room to be with his mommy in the waiting room. Left me with the struggling baby and medical team.
Notice I said ex. Good luck to you. Hope you get a clue.
I’m glad he is your ex. That makes me so mad.
Like it’s their baby too how do they not feel anything?!
OP - you’re using your parents’ situation as an excuse; you noped out on your wife in her most dire time of need and you should be deeply ashamed. You need to apologize because YTA. BIG time. Also - grow up and set some boundaries for crying out loud; your parents are toxic.
Very sad and heartbreaking for you wife. YTA. I think once the tears and crippling pain finished, I’d have the divorce papers ready quickly thereafter. More thumbs down for MIL too, she should have demanded you return to your wife to comfort her.
So pregnancies are super hard on her, yet she’s pregnant again? You’re definitely TA. Cut those apron strings and support your immediate family.
Right? He runs to his mother’s side because of her heartless husband; but what about OP’s wife’s heartless husband? And who does OP’s wife have to lean on when things are rough??
I just want to chime in that’s totally f’d up you’d do that. Get a life dude.
Gotta love that his mom is pregnant with another fricken kid while in an abusive relationship too. Im sure that childs life will be totally normal.
I try not to say this, but i hope the wife leaves him
Agreed YTA, but it shouldn't be the most heartbreaking and vulnerable times in a just woman's life. Every male family member that I had was absolutely devastated when they lost their child. Not sure why OP isn't.
Unfortunately… as they are LDS, his wife probably has learned to expect nothing more than this from a spouse. She’s just a baby making machine, and when she proves not to be that good at it, the husband has no reason to pay attention to her.
YTA. Your mother has her own husband, and if she does not get along with him, that's not your problem to solve.
Your job is to stick by your wife. PERIOD. Abandoning her when she is miscarrying is appalling behavior.
Apologize to your wife. Sincerely and abjectly. And get your priorities straight, or you're going to find yourself single.
Exactly. OP is perpetuating his childhood. His kids will be saying the same about him one day, talking about what a horrible husband he is and that because of this they need to take of their mother.
YTA and I hope your wife finds a better partner.
I was looking for this comment.
Huge asshole. Seems to me like OP needs to go marry his mom.
OP's wife has one husband, him. She needed him. OP's Mom has 6 other kids besides him to support her. Four of which he said are between 10-24 (not counting the 2 younger siblings who are 5 and 10). OPs mother shouldn't have mentioned anything about his father's tirade. I bet this isn't the first time OPs mom 'needed' him so he abandoned his wife. Nor will it be the last.
OP's wife has one husband, him. She needed him. OP's Mom has 6 other kids besides him to support her. Four of which he said are older than 10.
OPs mother shouldn't have mentioned anything about his father's tirade. I bet this isn't the first time OPs mom needed him so he abandoned his wife.
I don’t think an apology is going to fix it. I would have left from the hospital and filed for divorce that day if my husband ever did this.
If she's disabled she can get a caretaker and a housekeeper. And she can for sure get her tubes tied and stop having more children that she can't take care of. The ones she has are already being her full-time caretakers. Children should not have to grow up taking care of their parents. I can say from experience it REALLY messes you up and destroys your ability to have relationships with others. Op can say that from experience too, if they're ever willing to acknowledge it. Which I doubt at this point. OP is currently his mother's doormat and is blaming his father for it. News flash OP, BOTH of your parents are treating you like a doormat.
Precisely. OP cannot step in and be his mother’s husband. It definitely sounds like he’s trying.
And 4 other kids, too
I am older than your mother, OP and if any of my sons left his wife's side during a miscarriage for anything less than me being on my deathbed, I would disown him.
Saying you "couldn't do anything" is an emotional cop-out. You could hold her hand and cry with her, or let her cry. Just because your wife is a capable, independent person, doesn't mean she doesn't need and deserve your support.
You should be doing everything for her in her time of need since it sounds like she is very tolerant of and supportive of you and your family's mess.
You are in a codependent relationship with your mother. I have had chronic illness, I get it. And dealing with an abusive spouse is not cut and dry... but your mother made the choices that led to her getting pregnant-again! She will not take steps to help herself when her adult children constantly step in to help her.
YTA---how is this even a question?
He “couldn’t do anything” for his wife but somehow could for his mom.
💯% this, couldn’t have said it better if I tried.
OP you are YTA!!!
Having a miscarriage or giving birth to a stillborn baby are two of the most traumatic and emotionally devastating experiences a woman could have but you thought it was acceptable to abandon your wife when she needed you the most. Your number 1 priorities should be your wife and your children, not your mother who you clearly have an unhealthy codependent relationship with. If you don’t get your priorities straight it will damage your marriage and you may eventually end up alone.
The fact you even thought about leaving your wife’s side at this time for anything other than caring for your other two children shows how little you care about her. You should have wanted to be there with her to grieve for your loss together and support her anyway she needed even if it was just sitting there holding her hand. Sometimes after a tragedy happens you just need to feel like you’re not alone and that your partner loves you. My heart goes out to your wife and she deserves better.
*standing ovation
Well said! Hope OP sees this.
Shit, I think even if I were on my deathbed I would want my son to support his wife at a time like that. I would die happy knowing I raised him to be a loving, supportive husband and father.
you would, cause you're a kind human being, but the wife would probably also want him with his mom...
I have no idea why but I read this as standing ovulation. I was like, is that some obscure form of bc I’ve never of? 😂
Someone tag OP
Exactly this!
OP, I’m chronically ill and also a very capable, independent person. I don’t need a partner to fix it for me, but I DO need them to be emotionally supportive. I need them to listen to me, and accept that my reality is different from theirs. I need them to hug me or hold my hand when I hit the point of crying. I need little kindnesses, like grabbing me a beverage or snack when I’m having trouble standing - yes, I can get it myself by clinging to the wall, but it means a lot to have someone give me that little help.
The reality is… you can’t fix your mom, either. Your mom is going to have to change her life situation or drown; right now, you’re drowning yourself and your wife by trying to save your mom.
I know that it’s counterintuitive for a codependent rescuer to start being there for their capable partner, instead of focusing on the perpetually drowning person, but you need to do it. For your wife, for your relationship, for you. Maybe even a little bit for your mother, because having a codependent rescuer allows her to stay in the toxic mess she’s living now.
Seriously, that shouldn’t even be a question And why would he be grieving with his mom? This is just so ridiculous
OP please read this one
All of this!!
Hell yes, exactly!
Is this for real? Who does this? If you actually did this you’re totally YTA. Your mother is too, for that matter, though it’s clear there’s so much dysfunction going on here your whole family would probably benefit from some professional interventions to set you all straight.
If my son left his miscarrying wife at the hospital to come be with me I would try to get him institutionalized because clearly something is not right in his head
But I'm guessing you wouldn't ring your son crying about how his miscarriage is effecting you.
Mormons. That's who.
Wow... YTA you left your wife alone, in a Hospital, during a miscarriage to comfort your mom? Are you serious
You left your supposed Partner during an emergency, there are honestly no words to describe how I would feel in this Situation. That is serious divorce territory!
Do you care about your wife? Where is your sickness and in health?
His mom who was sad about the miscarriage. As if his wife wasn’t sad while she was going through it. Truly pathetic.
I wouldn't be surprised if Mom is competing with wife for his attentions. Women who are meek tend to be passive aggressive. She is dumping her problems on her son.
Oh, for sure. There's way too much going on between OP and his mom, it's not a healthy relationship and it's ensuring that no other relationship for OP is healthy either.
RAGE BAIT. THANK GOODNESS!
Oh god, I was kind of hoping but I also do know some people who would be like this so...phew.
yeah but it's like he said, baby was already dead so who gives a shit, it's gone she needs to get over it quick cos mummy needs him
(i guess /s in case it wasn't obvious lol)
Exactly and making the miscarriage about herself. He talks crap about his father but the mom ain’t any better. She should have told him to take his ass back to the hospital and be with his wife. But no…she couldn’t do that! Hopefully she’ll leave him.
But but but daddy said mean things to mom because OPs wifes baby is dead. So obviously mom needs to be comforted and help with grief! Wife is just bleeding in a hospital and baby is dead already anyway so why stay there?
/s
And don’t forget: he can’t “help” his already-dead-baby, so why stay with his wife when he can go be “useful” to his mom? The amount of ways OP makes this about him (and his mom) is disgusting.
It’s fucking creepy how much he’s treating his mother like a wife, and his wife like a stranger.
Just vile.
He just fucks his wife and impregnates her, for breeding. But he LOVES his mom.
shudder
This. Unfortunately I have seen this up close , a lifetime ago. It leaves no room for a normal / healthy marital relationship.
He was raised LDS, wives don't matter.
“Come coddle me because I’m so upset over this awful thing that is happening to someone else”
This is what is getting me! I realize she’s in an abusive situation, but what mother would let her child abandon his wife who was having a miscarriage?
You put /s at the end of that but it's almost precisely what OP said. Which makes him even more gobsmackingly pathetic and clueless.
No obviously he doesn’t care about his wife. She needs to rethink her relationship because his mother and his family will always come first.
Wife should leave him over this
I would leave my husband, no questions asked, seriously I know sometimes it's so "easy" to say this but this is one of those times that I would just leave.
I thought he was going to say his mom was sick, having a scare with the baby, or something urgent. HE LEFT TO DO MOMMY'S CHORES. WTF MAN. I hope she runs. YTA.
Not to mention miscarriages are effing PAINFUL! In addition to the emotional trauma, you are experiencing awful cramping and bleeding and you usually don’t get any kind of pain medication to help you through it. Plus there can be complications like hemorrhaging and infections- especially if she miscarried later in the first trimester. You wouldn’t leave your wife alone during childbirth, the same standard needs to apply to miscarriages (but of course someone like OP probably would leave his wife alone in childbirth if mommy needed him)
Oh but the baby was gone so there was nothing he could do! /s
Mf talk about mom being on bad terms while doing exact same shit as his dad. his mom is having problems yet there's no acknowledgement that she still is having another babies(also having more and more babies in the age where your son is having 3rd kid). Everything op wrote in the post is just excuses. Sad
YOU ARE ABSOLUTELY THE ASSHOLE. Calling your dad a disgusting excuse for a dad all while you’re a disgusting excuse for a husband and partner. GET THE SAWDUST OUT OF YOUR EYE!!
He's become his dad, bc that's what's expected of LDS men.
YTA - you know how you’re saying your dad is a disgusting excuse of a man ? You’re just like him . You’re willing to comfort and shield your mother but to hell with your wife cause the baby is gone right ? My heart goes out to your wife for being saddled with the likes of you . You are literally the epitome of the kind of man we warn women to stay away from .Youre the perfect example of why women choose to rather stay single . And if you still don’t get it - you are seriously yucky .
He’s Mormon. Women are only there to bear children. They aren’t actual people with lives and feelings. Not pregnant? Well, “I can’t do anything”.
He literally said "ope well my baby carrier is empty now might as well go home"
Another baby carrier wants comfort! Bye previous baby carrier!
OCCUPIED baby carrier. That's the most important part.
Oh please! There is plenty to do. Husband needs 3 meals a day and a clean house. Also who else is gonna look after the children? Certainly not the man!!!
But if wife #? Well wife # can make up the difference!
See we have worth.
/s
Seriously. OP left his poor wife alone and vulnerable because mommy was crying? I bet he doesn’t even let her recover before trying to pump another baby in her.
Any women who marries a mormon should expect to be treated this way and then decide to look for someone else who doesn't follow an ideology that's as sick
Worse as at least dad is sticking around and son is running away
And mom likes to have that type of husband if she didn't she would not be still having kids with someone that's cheating on her
So your mother is carrying your child too or your just wishing she was? Jesus Christ I wish your wife would leave you. No one ever comes before your wife and especially not when she is having a miscarriage. You heartless loveless asshole. I'm surprised she married you and honestly I hope she leaves you. How are you even asking this question. Cut your mom off now. I swear to God that is the only way you will save your marriage and I really hope she leaves you anyway. You don't deserve to be married to anyone except your true love, your mommy.
That first sentence. Because why is he there more for his mother’s unborn baby than his own whom his wife was carrying.
If it’s not actual incest, it’s definitely emotional incest. And his awful mother has brainwashed him into making her his priority. I imagine he is too far gone to be ashamed about this.
Exactly! There is at least some emotional incest going on 🤮
Daymn!
Agree though.
Best comment
Thank you! This post has “Mommy will you marry me” vibes, and it’s just gross.
exactly, I question if he is not the father of this upcoming sibling, seeing how close he is to his mother. Like he ditched his own dead child, to go fold laundry and do dishes for his mother, lest her own pregnancy get a little tiring. He chose a future sibling, over his own child. Seems super sus
The wife doesn't just deserve better. She deserves ANYTHING BUT this asshole at this point. An angry pack of squirrels makes more sense.
But like… genuinely this. This is just too much and I’m getting serious Bates Motel vibes.
100% agree. His Mother doesnt want to leave her husband and it looks like she is maxing excuses to not leave cause her son will always fill in.
👌🏻 oh he definitely wants to fuck his mom.
YTA. Your mom is hanging on to a terrible husband, hopefully your wife doesn’t make the same mistake.
I pray his wife goes through his phone and sees this^
Dear OP’s wife,
Leave him and find a partner who will prioritize you. He is not the one!!
Are you fucking your mother? Cause it sounds like you are. You failed your wife. Big time.
that's what I wanted to comment but thought I would get banned lol
it sounds like she stepped him up as husband number 2. GROSS!
Cult behavior so probably.
YTA and your wife should dump your ass and take mommy’s boy to the cleaners. You have one wife and 2 kids meanwhile your mommy has six kids and yet you think you’re the one responsible for her over your own wife and kids. You should hang your head in shame instead of kissing your siblings and mommy’s ass.
YTA
Your wife needed you for moral support and comfort. SHE JUST LOST HER BABY FFS!
Your mom's support wasn't an immediate need. She could have waited for you to go over and help her or ask a sibling to go over.
Your reasons are pathetic. This isn't your Mom's first rodeo. She would have coped.
OMFG if this isn’t rage bait, YTA! Why don’t you just divorce your wife & marry your mother. That is how disfunctional your relationship with your mother is. If she is having so many health problems she need to get her tubes tied or get on bc to stop having children when she can’t take care of herself. You should be ashamed of yourself!! Don’t kid yourself you are no better of a husband than your father.
I REALLY hope this is rage bait, I hate imagining people like this are out here even though I know they are ugh
YTA and a cult member!
Ty people need to realize that Mormons and the lds church are indeed a cult. << coming from an ex mormen who was raised in the cult and had no choice in the matter till I was an adult.
Take it from someone who was raised as a Southern Baptist and a man with good friends of all faiths: they’re all cults.
yep!
what is wrong with you?
I’ve read all the big rants but this is all it really needs..
Sigmund Freud would’ve had some input on this
YTA
No wonder you say your wife likes being self sufficient - she has to be, because she clearly doesn't have a partner for her husband
You failed as a husband and a father and a human being
Especially as a human being, OP.
Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints, YTA…and creepy. How many of your mom’s kids are yours?
😂😂😂😂😂
Yea, straight cult mentality.
Girl fr. Mindboggling
YTA - You weren't going to help your mom. You were RUNNING AWAY. And all you're doing is trying to make up excuses by bringing up the religion and your dad and relatives. You have other siblings that can care for your mother and care for the home. Your place was with your wife, and you know it.
Yta
People like you shouldn't have kids. Or a wife.
They are mormons. They have lots of both.
Mormons don't do plural marriage and haven't for a long long time. You're thinking FLDS, which is different
I know, I was twisting reality to make a silly joke.
Seems like your mother is more your wife than your actual wife is. Just because you “felt like you were no use” doesn’t mean she feels the same way. She MISCARRIED. Yours and hers baby! You’re HER husband, even if you feel helpless just being there to comfort and grieve together helps. But you seriously went to grieve with your mother? TO GRIEVE YOUR BABY! YOUR WIFES BABY! WITH YOUR MOTHER?? I just need to know, like seriously I need to know did your mother lose the baby? Or did your wife? Why the hell do you think picking your mother, who’s “sick”, over your wife who just lost a life she was growing in her womb is not an asshole move? Your mother is 44 years old and in an unhappy marriage, she’s choosing to stay with your father. She chose to continue the pregnancy (that hers belief, I respect it) so that’s her responsibility to deal with the consequences of getting pregnant. If she’s extremely sick I feel bad for her but gah damn, you have your own family, start prioritizing them. You’re not married to your mother, you’re not having a baby with your mother, your family is not with your mother. Your family is with your wife. When you got married they forfeited the title of immediate family to extended family. Your immediate family is your wife and your kids.
This post just got me sooo heated, I was in a similar situation with an a surprise pregnancy from mom at 42. We helped her as much as we could but at the end of the day that is her baby and my sibling. I shouldn’t have to do more than be a sibling. Just because I’m older (18 att) doesn’t mean I absolutely have to take care of them, I didn’t open my legs and get pregnant or get someone pregnant with them so they are not my responsibility. This goes to you dude. She’s having your sibling and she’s a grown ass woman. She’s fine dealing with her situation herself, back the hell up from your mothers tit and take care of your wife, your kids, your family.
If it wasn’t obvious you are a giant ASSHOLE. (YTA!)
Also I’m not saying don’t help your mother at all but you’re doing what your father should be doing. You’re not your father so stop acting and filling the role HE should be. This is for now during the pregnancy and in general life, just back off and let her actually be the parent she signed up to be. Help when she absolutely(!!) needs it, you need to be a last resort at this point, you’ve been giving your body instead of your hand. (Helping hand)
Omg youre just 18?! This response is great!!! Youre awesome!
You’re the asshole. You have your own family now. They are your first responsibility. I can guarantee that you will be reminded often that you fucked up by not being there to support your wife.
It is in the Bible that a man should cleave to his wife not his mother. I am sorry for your wife's loss. Just because the baby was gone doesn't mean your wife didn't need you. I'm sorry your mother has such a bad husband, but you are not responsible for their marriage problems.
Yeah I have memorized the verse because of Reddit and will be using it liberally when I see crap like this. Start using their words against them especially religious momma boys who allow their mothers to interfere with their marriages.
(It’s Matthew 19:5-6 in case you need it)
This is unforgivable in my book. You need therapy and your wife needs a consultation with a lawyer. Get your priorities in line, or get used to spending the rest of your life with your mom by your side. YTA.
You are absolutely the asshole. Your wife just miscarried and you ran off to take care of mommy. Your mom sounds like a narcissist and makes everything about herself. When she called, she should have given her sympathies and been there for you and your wife but instead she starts crying and you run to your mommy. This has to be made up or you are about to be divorced.
This has to be fake.
Everything sounds fake when you’re in a cult religion…lol
It’s so true. This entire family needs to stop having babies for a second to address the elephant in the room: they’re in a cult and the father is abusive.
It actually made me angry reading that the mother is also pregnant.
This is simply…. Mormon.
I wish it were, but my LDS ex-BIL is just like this.
I hope so
YTA - what's wrong with you? Your place was with your wife.
I'm confused by the logic. So your mom has a crappy husband so you've decided your wife should have one too?
YTAH. You’re going to end up divorced and getting your arse handed to you via child support if you carry on. But hey, at least you’ll be able to move back home with mummy and be even more of a surrogate husband to her while your dad is out banging anything that moves
You are absolutely TA! You left your wife during an emotional, heartbreaking situation! She's your WIFE! She and your children should ALWAYS be your first priority over everyone else. Including your mom. Your wife has every right to be angry and hurt. You need to apologize immediately and start putting her first!
Your mother has an awful husband, and so does your wife. At least the men in your wildly dysfunctional family are consistent. YTA.
YTA So you’re siblings are decent human beings who seem to be prioritizing THEIR families and spouses over shouldering the problems of your abusive parents marriage ? Problems that aren’t yours to be solved. Your wife deserved better here. If she doesn’t divorce you, please consider counselling for your trauma bond and possible hero complex in trying to care for your mother over your wife. “I feel useless” You leaving offering zero support = USELESS
Omg YTA! You walked out on your wife, while she was bleeding through a miscarriage, because Mommy called whining and you like to solve problems?
WTAF is wrong with you?
Grow up and let your mother handle her own stupid decisions. And YES, not preventing pregnancy after severe complications with an advanced maternal age and a broken marriage IS indeed a stupid decision. Her life is her problem. Not your place to run it.
Dig through that box under the bed in your childhood bedroom. See if you can find a spine in there. Use it. Then find a pair of scissors and cut the umbilical cord so Mommy can maybe live her life.
You'll be lucky if your wife doesn't leave you. Can't blame her if she does.
r/rareinsults and cannot agree more.
Are you really asking?
YTA
You are slowly turning into your dad. YTA
Rage bait. No one is this big of an asshole.
You're gonna be surprised at the universe's ability to make assholes then & you're fortunate if you've never known anyone this selfish & so religious that they're unaware of empathy & how real men handle an EXTREME medical emergency. In OPs world, women have lots of babies, women lose lots of babies too, it's not a man's business. To OP, it's as nothing to HIM as her having a wisdom tooth removed. This is who we expect will even understand the depth of his shallowness, he's a walking LDS stereotype.
You must not have seen the one of the woman who posted about how her husband saw her actively having a miscarriage on the bathroom floor and be left because his mommy needed help moving some shit.
I was in labor with my stillborn son and my ex left to go fuck someone else, be was also a good Mormon boy :/
Oh goodness.. I’m so damn sorry hun. How disgusting of him. I hope you’ve found some peace 🤍
Glad he is your ex now. He didn’t deserve you.
Never met a Mormon, huh?
Yeah, he hasn’t commented on anything here either.
I’ve never commented on a thread on this forum before but YTA. Your poor wife sat there mourning your lost child alone :( heartbreaking
YTA. I was with you in the setup and was expecting a “mom and wife having severe pregnancy issues at once and I can only be in one place” finale but… your dad was “being mean” and you dk if that’s a legitimate enough reason to leave your bleeding miscarriaging wife in the hospital? Is this a serious post?
Yikes YTA 100%. This sucks for your mother, but your wife is miscarrying your child! How is this even a question?
Sorry, but yes, you are indeed an asshole just like your father. With your mother's illnesses, she needs to stop having children with your sob of a father. LDS? LDS fathers don't usually have affairs, nor do they treat their wives the way he does your mom. Total hypocrite and you, as much as you love mom your wife really needs you . Your siblings need to step up to the plate.
You are now a viable candidate for Worst Husband of the Year, congratulations. YTA
You voted wrong. N T A means he’s not the asshole - aka you just said his wife is the asshole.
Fyi op, you’re the biggest asshole in the whole universe. YTA YTA YTA
SORRY! What a slip- he's TA
WTF? I'm from a third world country and have never heard such a fucked up family story. Man, get therapy AND a vasectomy.
ESH except your wife
You do not abandon your wife for your mommy
Your mom can deal with her own fucked-up marriage, instead of relying on her children to deal with it
Your dad is worthless
YTA Your wife was having a miscarriage, you should not have left her side. You are making this seem like it’s your wife’s fault she feels this way. Let me make it clear, your wife is a SAINT for putting up with all this for this long! No woman will want to put up with this. This is a you problem and my best advice is to get into therapy and work on this ASAP. If your wife forgives you for leaving her during one of her most vulnerable moments, she is probably not going to put up with this for much longer. It’s great to be family oriented. What you described however, sounds like unhealthy co-dependency. Your wife is your partner for life. She relies on you to be there for her when she really needs you. Like having a miscarriage, for one example. If you can’t be there for her during those times because you are constantly running to your family when they call, how are you being a good partner to your wife? When you have kids and your kid is in the hospital, will you leave your child if your Mom is sad? Your Mom made her choice with your Dad. What he is doing is awful, but your Mom chose to stay. You’re being a bad husband to your wife, trying to makeup for your Dad being a bad husband to your Mom. Don’t lose a good woman trying to fix a bad man.
YTA. Hopefully your wife recovers and takes your children far away from your toxic family.
Your a monster.
YTA, you don't give a damn about your wife!! It's funny that your mom and dad aren't getting along but can lay down together long enough to make kid after kid.
You should've stayed by your wife's side. Your mom had her husband to help her. You should've been there to help your wife. This is a woman you claim to love start showing it before you lose her
Ummm..your mom is manipulating the shit out of you! Calling to express sympathy then spewing her “poor me”?!? YOUR WIFE LOST YOUR BABY!!! You stay your ass there! You don’t run home to help mommy around the house! “She was still bleeding and I felt helpless. At least I could do help her around the house with my siblings and grieve with her”. GRIEVE WITH YOUR MOM when it was YOUR WIFE that was going through a miscarriage?!? Who exactly are you married to?? Your mom keeps getting pregnant over and over and over despite health issues. I’m sorry, I’m gonna be the AH and say that’s on her! There’s like 1000 different forms of birth control. Pick one and take care of your health.
You are the AH. I’ve had 3 miscarriages and my EX-husband acted the same (not mama but work) and I never forgot or forgave!
YTA and I hope she divorces you over this. You've shown her where she stands in your life and that's below your mommy. She's not your priority, especially in this trying time when she needed you most, you weren't there for her. Do you even like her?
If I was your wife, this would draw a definitive line in the sand for me. I’m not sure I would be able to stay married to you. I had a miscarriage myself and it was a dark and devastating time; I wouldn’t have been able to get through it without my husband. How DARE you say that you prioritized your mom to help her “live out her pregnancy in comfort” while abandoning your wife because “the baby was already gone”. This is one of the most disgusting things I’ve read on here. Not only are YTA, you’re also a piece of shit.
Completely agree. When I read "the baby was already gone" I couldn't believe it! Its difficult knowing where to begin with addressing the shock and disgust at what OP's written. Too infuriating.
YTA. Everyone in this story needs to slow down and stop popping out babies. Your mom having issues with baby 5 and it’s only 10m old and she’s already preggo with another?
YTA YTA YTA YTA
YTA.. time for your mother to stop having kids especially since her husband isn't a good guy.. and yeah he's probably dating his serectary or whomever she'll be pregnant next .... Dad needs to get fix as well... You left your wife to be with your mother your wife needed you more... Dont be shock when you get divorce papers
yta for prioritizing your moms tears over your wife’s medical emergency.
All hail the KING of asshole husbands! Bend your knees and show respect
Oh. So your ego as the family hero was more important than being an emotional support to your miscarrying wife.
I TOTALLY get it.
YTA. And, in your grand family tradition, a bad husband.
Oh. So you’re ego as the family hero was more important than being an emotional support to your miscarrying wife.
Your mom has her own husband. Your wife needed hers. YTA
YTA, a massive one at that. Your wife takes priority over your mother, so her boundaries she wants to set are completely valid. Your mother's poor choices are not your problem. You say you went to your mother's to grieve with her. Are you fucking joking??? What about your wife who is alone in the hospital? Who has just lost her child and is going through a lot of pain and trauma on her body due to this??? You also don't seem to see WTF you did wrong so any apology to your wife is empty. If you continue to prioritize your mother and siblings over your wife and children, she will leave you and move on. As she should. No woman should be in second place when she's your wifem Do better OP. You're currently unworthy of the title of husband.
Wtf did I just read? So your wife in is the hospital, miscarrying YOUR child, but your mom started crying because your dad is having a affair with his receptionist who is the same age as your sister but your mom wound up pregnant even though he’s having a affair and you feel like it’s more important to take care of your mom who knowingly got pregnant with her cheating husbands baby? And somehow your wife’s miscarriage was terribly upsetting to her??
Has it never occurred to you that your other siblings are staying out of this mess for a reason? In case you’ve forgotten, your wife, though she may not be for much longer, is also your immediate family.
Your mom is manipulative and YTA.
Edit because grammar
YTA, one of the biggest ones ever. Your mom is too old to keep pumping out kids into a dead marriage. Her health is not your responsibility. YOU ABANDONED YOUR WIFE WHILE SHE WAS LOSING YOUR CHILD. To cater to your mother who just doesn't feel well. Honestly, if I were your wife, I'd be gone. You're acting like your monstrous father.
You’re far past being the asshole on this one.
YTA WOW. You made a vow to be there for your WIFE.
You are absolutely the worst person on Reddit this month.
Hopefully your ex-wifes next husband will do better. Don't even fight the divorce.
How fucking weird and bizarre. Your poor wife. I hope she doesn’t end up having a child with you, jfc. YTA and a big weirdo
YTA as everyone else said here. But also your mom is a big A. Not only shes bringing another child to a world who I am not sure will be well taken care of, but also doesnt tell you to stay with your wife!!!! Selfish selfish person.
You better buy flowers and go apologise and pray she wants to stay with you and she will ever touch you.
Omg this is going to boom on reddit!
YTA. You opted out of grieving the loss of your child with the woman you've vowed to love and cherish during good and bad. You opted out of protecting HER during her most vulnerable state as she went through something so so traumatic that she had no control over - to comfort a woman who's made a choice to stay with an ass and is upset about him being an ass.
You ABANDONED your wife during a gigantic loss and a traumatic medical situation TO DO SOME CHORES.
YTA Your mum is having a sixth baby, your wife was losing her third, where are your priorities? Losing a baby is so traumatic that she really needed you. However, you chose to stay with your mum. Yes, family is important, but your mum chooses to continue to have children with your POS of a father, and you chose to leave your wife, your wife whom you made vows to, to suffer a miscarriage without you.
Now, you come to Reddit to find some vindication for your shitty behaviour. Let me tell you this you ferret, you are a huge arse and deserve to feel her wrath.
It's the mom's 7th baby... 6th sibling for op.
Giant YTA. Your wife was having a miscarriage you don't think she needed your emotional support. No you choose your mom while yea your dad sounds like an AH but your mom didn't need medical attention. Your wife deserves better than you as a crappy husband.
Yta. Yeah I smell a divorce coming your way you just proved to your wife who is morr important sadly your little family would never have been put before mommy dearest.
YTA
This has to be rage bait because no one is that big of an asshole to leave their wife during a miscarriage to comfort their mother .
Yta. If you want to be your mom's new husband just say so. You abandoned your wife for mommy. Say that loudly and hear it. YOU ABANDONED YOUR WIFE DURING A MEDICAL EMERGENCY FOR YOUR MOMMY.
100% I would absolutely, without hesitation, immediately divorce my husband over this. This is one of the shittier things I’ve ever seen on this subreddit
YTA. Your wife deserves better and your mother needs to emotionally mature.
BTW you need to google "emotional incest" and understand that that's you and your mom. Get help.
YTA this can't be real?? Troll? YTA...If real... is your mom's baby yours as well? I hope your wife leaves you and finds a better partner
YTA, didn’t you think about your wife’s emotional health, grief, and pain?
YTA. Your wife was losing your child. After telling you for her entire pregnancy that she needed you to support her and put her first for a while.
Instead, you abandoned her to be taken care of by her sister, not her partner and the father of that child. In the hospital. While your child was dying inside her body.
Full disclosure, but if you were my spouse, I would tell you not to come home and file for divorce.
YTA
Your priorities are so screwed up.
Grieve with your wife, not your mom. The fact she is still pregnant is triggering for your wife likely, but you’re more concerned with being around mommy than your wife who just miscarried your child.
You have a lot of insults for your dad, but you’re being a shitty husband to your wife!
YTA, holy hell. You absolutely suck and hopefully your wife sees that and divorces you.
So your dad, who I assume is "religious", is banging his secretary who is younger than you, and no one in your church or immediate family is doing anything to get your mom out of the situation. And somehow, her family who is speaking up about the utter toxicity she is trapped in are the bad guys. And then you LEAVE YOUR WIFE ALONE IN THE HOSPITAL, to run home and be your mother's emotional husband. Wow, I hope your wife cuts and runs. She does not deserve this at all. YTA.
You’re a AH. Your wife had just had a miscarriage and you went to comfort your mother, because she was crying? I would love to call you a few more things but we aren’t suppose to here. Get back to your wife ask for forgiveness and let your mother deal with her problems. Your mother is a grown woman and if her marriage to your father isn’t good then she has to make a decision on what to do about it.
Wow... 100% YTA. How are you responsible for your mom but feel no responsibility to your wife? What's even worse is you mirrored your dad's behavior by being so blind to what your partner needs and acting without realizing how your actions affect someone else. Do better. Your mom made her choices in a partner, do you want to be a shitty partner in turn?
YTA dude. She is YOUR wife this is YOUR child with her and you should be there with her. She is not asking you to solve her problems, stop the bleeding or any of that. Being there for her and making her (and your own family with her) feel like a priority is your duty. Your only job in this is being there for her and you failed her.
YTA. So basically, you’re on your way to becoming your father.
YTA - just the “I was no use since the baby was gone”. Big fucking yikes for the way you even see this situation.
You're an absolute failure of a husband, man and human being. Your wife will never, ever forgive you for what you've done, nor should she.
YTA and a full-on monster. Get a divorce and marry your mom you piece of shit. Your wife should marry somebody who actually cares about her, not somebody who abandons her when she needs support the most.
Don't procreate. You're a fuck-up and shouldn't be responsible for other human beings.
You are a terrible dreadful husband and you should be ashamed of yourself. You weren’t with your wife when she needed your love and support so badly whilst in pain and grieving.
You denigrate your dad, yet you have no respect for your own wife, the apple doesn’t fall far from the tree.
Your mother had plenty of people round her, your place was with your wife. Your mother has her own husband, they can’t be that estranged if she’s still having children together.
Get your priorities sorted before you end up being the ex husband
Yes YTAH shame on you
YTA - your logic that now the baby has gone there is no need to support your wife? Wtf is wrong with you! You are not your mums advocate and she is choosing to keep having children with a shitty husband and already had complications with her health! Your wife needs you and you put her last!
YTA
Good luck trying to salvage your marriage. You just showed your wife that she means very little to you and you can’t be bothered for the loss of your child.
If I were your wife I’d be filing for divorce immediately. You need to learn that as a grown man your priorities in life change. It’s nice that you want to be there for your mom, but not to the exclusion of your wife and (unborn) child. You’re just not a good person imo if you think it’s okay to let the woman you supposedly love go through a miscarriage by herself. The audacity.
Congrats OP you get to join your dad as a POS husband and father. Hope your wife leaves you because you dont deserve her. Yta
YTFA - what in the actual fuck are you doing leaving your bleeding wife in the hospital to go see you mother because she’s sad?
WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU THINK YOUR WIFE IS???
oh lawd i just read the rest of you post.
There was ”no use” in you staying at the hospital because the baby was gone……!?………
You’re an asshole and a complete moron.
YTA
You seem to have no real empathy for your wife, or the ability even to prioritize her over your own, and your mom's, wishes.
You sound like a horrible husband and dad to be honest.
YTA. this is the officially the worst AITAH i've ever seen my life, hands down. how can u even ask this? i don't even have words for what a terrible husband you are lol .. hopefully the rest of reddit does. you don't deserve to be married, let alone have kids. get psychological help.
YTA mostly because you're Mormon and this is the type of shit Mormons pull constantly. So glad I left the Mormon church, fuck you for staying. Fuck you for being a terrible person, man, husband, and father.
YTA. You want to shield your mom from your disgusting excuse for a dad. Who’s shielding your wife from you, whom is acting like a disgusting excuse for a husband.
Is the baby your mother is having yours by any chance? Some incest shit going on here, YTA
YTA your wife is your priority period. A miscarriage is one of the hardest things a woman can go through, you should have been there for her! My heart breaks at how lonely and abandoned she must of felt in her grief. I went through a similar thing and miscarried at 3 months so I know from first hand experience what I am talking about. Let your mom and dad work out their own problems, it's not your job to fix their marriage. Your wife and kids are YOUR responsibility.
YTA, your wife is absolutely right, take your mom to the hospital if you must, but how dare you leave her alone in that moment, it's beyond comprehension.
Is this a real question? YTA 100%
YTA. Stop trying to be your mom’s husband to make up for having a shit father. It is only causing you to be a shit husband and father within your own family, pushing the cycle onwards.
Wtf is this pile of crazy rubbish that I just read. YTA first of all. Second of y’all need to see some therapists and get some damn birth control because baby number 6 when baby number 5 caused all these issues and all the older kids are being parentified to the point them losing their own children is irrelevant is so disgusting I can’t even begin to understand how you think that’s normal or okay. Go back to your wife and ask what you can do to fix this if you even can and you do it. And don’t you dare pick mummy first. From the sounds of it she has a small army there to help her.
YTA - That woman in the hospital is your wife, not your mother.
Your relationship with your mother is unhealthy that you would put her first in this situation.
Insane.
When your wife needed your support, when your baby was dying - you weren't there.
Don't expect her to stick around.
And by the way...
Why is your mother continuing to have babies in her 40s?!
When she has a shitty marriage...
And when she unable to care for the kids he has?!
I hope this is a troll post.
I legit think I would divorce you. And I’m not the type to scream “leave his ass!” Your poor, poor wife, left all alone while she lost her child… I could never imagine my husband, or any husband worth anything, doing that.
You truly are an asshole.
Eta because I’m that damn disgusted: you left your wife so you could go grieve with mommy dearest, and because there was nothing to do because the baby was already gone? Seriously you have to ask if you’re a vile piece of crap instead of just knowing that you are? Your mom has a shit excuse for a husband, and it would appear that her poor daughter in law has a shit excuse for a husband, too.
YTA. Is this rage bait?
MASSIVE ASSHOLE. Not gonna sugarcoat… you left your wife while she was having a miscarriage… you are awful
What the fuck is wrong with you? You abandoned your wife in the middle of an emotional medical emergency to go hold the hand of your mom, who makes shitty decisions to keep popping out more kids when she us unwell and her husband may be cheating on her? You are a TERRIBLE husband. And yes YTA.
Yes yta dumbass
YTA and a pathetic excuse of a husband! Do your wife a favor and move in with your side piece AKA your mom. Your wife deserves better!
holy fuck why is your mom still having kids?
Yta. Wow. That you don't see it is disturbing.
r/exmormon But also: YTA There’s also triangulation going on with your parents putting you in the middle of it. Your mom is in a crappy situation, but yes she is also putting you in the middle of her problems. And now you can’t be there for your wife. It isn’t right that you’re at the mercy of your parents drama. And now by not having boundaries you’re inviting that drama in your own household. Figure out your priorities and hold them with such importance that your family isn’t compromised. Your wife did not sign up for your parents issues. She signed up for a life partner. I’m sorry this is happening to you and I wish you all the best.
MEGA YTA. You needed to be there for your wife & you failed.
YTA maybe you should marry your mother.
Holy shit. I hope this story is fake. :(
YTA 100%! Your wife is so supportive of you constantly putting your mom first and the one time she needs you to choose her you didn't! Women don't talk about it enough, but I know my SIL years later has days where she is still heartbroken over her past miscarriages. You have FIVE other siblings that could've been there for your mother. You say they have lots of other stress and things going on but I doubt any of them have something so pressing as their wife bleeding out and in severe emotional turmoil! You even said your mom was surrounded by other people!!! Sounds to me like you just didn't know how to comfort your wife so you chose not to. Shame on you. You bash on your dad as a husband but what makes you think you're any better???
YTA. You said you don’t do well when there’s a problem you can’t solve, as if that excuses you abandoning your wife to deal with the loss by herself. Unfortunately, she doesn’t have the luxury to just duck out of that situation, regardless of how helpless it feels, but thanks to you, she was left feeling both helpless and alone. Everything else in your post comes across as deflecting from what you did, but bringing up every other family issue.
Surely your wife wouldn’t need any comfort while this was happening, right? I mean, just a miscarriage, meh. I’d also do some dishes and wipe mommy’s tears instead. After all, mommy was sad about mean daddy! Definitely trumps wife’s miscarriage.
YTA.
Info: OP—why did you not provide comfort to your wife?
YTA. I’ve had a miscarriage and if my husband left me alone at the hospital during it I would have divorced him. You are a giant steaming AH.
YTA big time. Your wife is struggling emotionally as your child is dying inside of her and as soon as mommy calls crying you flee to her and prioritize her over your wife. You cannot be that obtuse and idiotic. “ I couldn’t do anything anyways.” Yes, you could. Hold her hand. Distract and comfort her. Support your wife!!! On another note, Your fathers adultery needs to be exposed to the church sooner or later because if he doesn’t believe in birth control, you will have yet another sibling.
Please go see a therapist and just show them this post. They’ll know what to do.
You seriously have to ask? YTA. YTA.. YTA!
Lere guess, you're a part of the LDS church as well. So, women are just fucking baby making factories.
I just can’t!!!! WTF is wrong with you!!! YTA
YTA
Your mom has 4 other children 10 and older. Those siblings are all self sufficient and should be able to help her especially if they live with her. Her being upset about her husband being “close” with his secretary and him being a jerk (yet she is having a 6th child with him at 44 🤦♀️) doesn’t mean you need to drop everything to comfort her.
Your wife was having a miscarriage!! Why would you even think it’s okay to leave her during such a painful and vulnerable time. Your kids were safe. Your wife needed you. Your mom didn’t, she’s just feeling sorry for herself. 3 of your siblings (since your sister can’t help since she just had a baby). Sure they are busy, but some of them live with her (you said siblings at her house).
Wow. I've read alot of douchey delivery/loss stories, but OP, you are a special kind of AH. There is a whole lot of "I feel/felt" and not one damn thing about your wife other than her RIGHTFULLY being angry you abandoned her.
Hard YTA
This is the messiest thing I've read in a while. YTA. You picked your mom over your wife during a time she needed you the most.
Also as an exmo- that's gonna stay that messy. I've tried to make my own family see how toxic and shitty and based on just lies the LDS faith is and they are fully aware but choose to ignore it.
YTA I hope she leaves you
YTA
And this whole “family” situation is fucking gross.
You people are entirely unnecessary.
YTA
YTA I can’t even right now. Your wife deserves better than you what you did was beyond selfish and shitty. You should be ashamed of yourself you mommas boy
YTA. You should have dropped everything and gone to your wife and stayed with your wife. You majorly screwed up.
So.many.obvious.fakes.again. like wifey is mad because visitors while loosing baby. Since when people visit during that Time. And the minute it's done, you're out. Not to mention many others détails....
You are without a doubt a huge fucking asshole! YTA
WOW.. just wow .. since the baby was gone.. you were no use? How about supporting your wife while she watchs her child bleed out of her? How about showing her the support she desperately needs as she loses the child ypu conceived together? "Help your mom live out her pregnancy".. so since your wifes baby died.. what.. she doesnt matter anymore. Oh.. moms still pregnant.. Ill go there while my wife bleeds out her baby all by herself. You abandoned your wife when she needed you most. During one of the most heartbreaking, devastating, tragic, emotionally and mentally difficult loses a person can experience. You abandoned her.
You are disgusting. I would divorce you. YTA.
She was bleeding and there was nothing I could do. Yes there is, you could hold her damn hand. You could stop nosey people from trying to insinuate themselves. You could bring her a drink. You could do a lot, if you just wanted to. How dare you talk about how your father has done your mother when you are doing the same thing!
I’m so sad for your wife. She needed you, so badly, and you weren’t there.
There WAS something you could have done. You could have held her, told her how sad you were, and mourned your little baby with her. Instead, you let her go through the first shock of a profound loss by yourself.
I’m sorry for your loss, too.
Listen to your wife.
Oh Lord. Huuuuuuuge YTA. You are not your mum's husband, you are your wifes husband. This poor woman should run as fast as she can. This was the worst day in her life. Trust me. And you are staying with mommy, because she felt uncomfortable. What kind of man are you?
Info: who’s gonna shield YOUR kids from their “disgusting excuse for a dad”?
YTA
This post is all about you. Where's your care & concern for your wife?
Your wife went through a miscarriage but your post is all about you.
YTA
Your wife was the one that lost the baby. She was the one that needed support. Not your mother.
I hope she leaves you.
I can’t think of a single reason why you wouldn’t be the AH. Not a one. Your spouse comes before literally anyone else. Yikes, and side eye.
This is the most despicable, throw-up-in-mouth post I've ever read. Your relationship with your mother is disgusting. My heart breaks for your poor poor wife and child, who in a way was lucky to dodge having you as a parent. YTA. YTA a million times.
Not you calling your father a "disgusting excuse for a dad" when you're cut from the exact same cloth LMAO
YTA
YTA, I felt like I was having a fever dream reading this, the levels of dysfunction and enabling and codependency is so unhealthy.
Wow. Of course YTA. You are a married man now, right? Your pregnant wife comes before your pregnant mother. Ridiculous to even have to say.
Yta.
YTA in every way, shape, form, and manner.
YTA
YTA. Your mom? Not your wife. Your mom has other people. It’s your job to support your wife when she needs you, not bounce to hold your mom’s hand because she’s sad about your wife.
I don’t know how you come back from this. Y’all may be LDS, but I do know Mormons who divorced. Even Utah Mormons.
If you want to repair your relationship, you’d better be legit remorseful and ready to “leave and cleave.” If you aren’t, well, I guess in 20 years, your oldest children can repeat your mistake of trying to help Mom at the expense of their own marriages and children; someone has to pick up the slack of a shitty husband and father that should have been booted ages ago.
YTA
YTA !!! You chose your mum over your own wife when she needed you the most. You are saying it upset you when she asked you to prioritise your own family ??? Your parents are grown and need to solve their own problems and you need to concentrate on your own family because if you carry on this way, you might not have one to go back to.
…..
YTA. The family you make should always take priority over the family you came from. Your wife was losing YOUR child! And you left them to make your mom more comfortable. Take a more active role in your own marriage before someone else’s.
Being members of LDS and not take any Birthcontroll even when every pregnancy is more difficult is the (stupid) decision of your mother and SHE has to deal with the problem following.
Not being there FOR YOUR WIFE during miscarriage because you think your mother who has a lot more kids who can help (as good members of your holy church!) is more important than YOUR WIFE who is loosing your kid in this moment is so unbelievably stupid that you should thank every god on earth if she doesn’t divorce and leave you after coming home. I would leave my husband. Even after over 10 years marriage for something like this.
And YTA for sure.
Mormons use birth control. They actually say you shouldn't have children you can't afford.
Both the Mormon men I worked with had vasectomies.
Sorry but as soon as I would be able to get out of the hospital and be “normal” ( is there being normal after something like this?) you’d be served divorce papers…. Morman or not. Good luck sucking up and TRYING to make things right with your wife I wouldn’t be very forgiving if at all.
YTA- OP, please look up parentification. Because of your family dynamics, your mother has placed you in this role and you feel responsible. You need to realize that you need to put your wife first in your family. You are a unit. Your wife chose you, she depends on you to be her husband and to stand up for her and support her. You have let her down more than any of us can tell you. Please seek therapy and help yourself and your wife.
YTA! How could you leave your wife at hospital while she was miscarrying to go to your mom??? I would really struggle to forgive that!
YTA worse than your dad.
YTA, your mom was crying and upset which isn’t exactly nice but your wife was in hospital, losing your baby and bleeding. You should have stayed with your wife man.
YTA, your mom was crying and upset which isn’t exactly nice but your wife was in hospital, looking your baby and bleeding. You should have stayed with your wife man.
YTA ..when I had a miscarriage my husband stayed by my side the entire time providing me with comfort.
I didn’t need to read it to know YTA. but out of curiosity I finally did and I was horrified. You left your miscarried wife alone. She miscarried your child. And you abandoned her for your mom who had a whole a$$ husband of her OWN to comfort her and other children. So. Your mom has a husband and , children,and has you-Who does your wife have after marrying you…? Who is her husband to be by her side in sickness and health…? I would leave you so quick your head would spend. And I’d tell you go make a family with your mother.
YTA for being like your father and abandoning your pregnant wife in her desperate time of need.
YTA That’s your wife. Period.
Ew. Just ew.
YTA so bad
YT(massive)A You are a Shyte husband and father. You basically said your mother is more Important than your wife and unborn child. If she values herself; you will find yourself a part time, single dad. At least this way you can live with mommy and play house full time.
YTA you can’t come back from this
Did you marry your mom or your wife?
Who did you make wedding vows to here?
How could you abandon your wife during a miscarriage?!!!
Your child died!! Your wife went through something incredibly more traumatic then being yelled at by her shitty husband (seriously your wife is in pain, her life is at risk, and just lost the child she was carrying inside her; who do think was more upset?)
Just because your dad is a shitty doesn’t mean you have to follow in his footsteps and be a shitty husband to your wife
How much family do you have nearby that could have watched your mom while you were at the hospital?
You are unbelievable in your selfishness, you lack grace and clearly take your wife for granted and your wife will never forget the day she was abandoned by her husband during a crisis
(way treat wife like your dad treats your mom; by being shittier husband than your dad. Who’s going to be there for wife? Who’s going her support in her time of need)
Your mom is a grown woman with grown children who chooses to stay married and keep having children to a shitty husband. It is not your job or place to enable your mother’s bad decisions
Now for your wife, I wish her a quick and swift recovery so she can divorce your ass so you continue being mom’s emotional husband/crutch while your hopefully soon to be ex wife finds someone to treat her right
Someone who is not a codependent mama’s boy. Someone who doesn’t abandon her while she’s in a crisis
You’re not replying to anyone. What were you expecting? People to be crying about your ‘noble’ (shitty) sacrifice? Did you really think being upset and crying was more serious then a miscarriage?
Your wife was in the hospital bleeding out after losing your child, in agony emotional, mentally and physically and you abandoned her and left her VULNERABLE because your dad yelled at your at risk pregnancy mom, and hurt her feelings
If only you had the same dedication to your wife. Disgusting behavior and garbage actions is what you gave your wife that day
Congratulations for becoming a shitty husband like your father before you! Like father like son
Edited to add: this is clearly about your ego, you couldn’t stand be powerless and instead of being a good husband, a rock for your wife, you took the first opportunity to go be a big man to someone else and abandon your wife in the hospital
Who did you make wedding vows here?
Your wife was in the hospital bleeding out after losing your child, in agony emotional, mentally and physically and you abandoned her VULNERABLE because your dad yelled at your at risk pregnancy mom, and hurt her feelings
YTA. Your wife is correct that you need to start drawing a line between your family and your extended family. Who the hell do you think you are to leave your bleeding wife alone in the hospital to have a misscarriage with nobody but strangers around to go see your mom when she has 5 other kids who can be there for her if you say "sorry mom, my wife needs me right now, I need to get off the phone"?
Bluntly, you are treating her like a commodity to be used, like your dad does your mom. Your mom has her reasons for not leaving your dad... your wife may not feel those same reasons.
YTA, YOUR BABY DIED, AND YOU ABANDONED YOUR WIFE IN HER SORROW. YOU ABSOLUTELY ARE A POS IN YOUR OWN RIGHT, GO JOIN YOUR FATHER.
Tell your mother to close the oven to anymore buns sired by a good for nothing, possibly cheating POS.
I have no empathy or sympathy for you, obviously your mother is more important to you than your grieving wife.
I truly and honestly pray for her to send back to Mama and find herself a partner that places her above any extended family in any kind of situation that her needs him there for support and love, because it is obvious that you can't, because you need to cater to your disfuncional mother by taking your father's place.
Your wife is your family and you literally abandoned her during a heartbreaking moment to comfort your mother from freaking words. And your mom is definitely manipulating you because she knows you will come running when she mentions your crap dad. It’s like she literally could not stand for your wife to have your attention. It sucks your dad is ish, but your mom continues to stay with him knowing this. She continues to PROCREATE with him knowing this. You’re her son, not her boyfriend. She doesn’t get to be the priority in your life anymore.
And now YOU are becoming your father by being a crappy husband to your wife and prioritizing another woman. YTA.
YTA. Who comforts your wife when her asshole husband runs to comfort his mommy? You’re a piece of work, buddy. Your baby passed away but your wife is alive and grieving alone. She’s not going to want to go through that alone again. You’ll be lucky if she stays. My heart breaks for your wife.
YTA. every adult except your wife in this post in one too.
OP please look up parentification and get yourself into therapy ASAP.
So you left your wife in her moment of need because you felt useless? To grieve with your mom? How do you think your wife felt as her child, her blood and joy and little infant, died inside of her womb and she couldn’t do anything? Your mom is a grown ass adult who is making the decision to be a baby factory for an abusive man, she made her choice. And you made a really shitty choice. YTA, make better choices and put the family you decided to create first, let your parents figure their shit out. It doesn’t mean you can’t support your mom and siblings, but put your wife and kids first.
" I feel very bad but felt like I was no use since the baby was gone"
But your wife was NOT gone. She was very much not gone, living with her grief and loss without a husband with the common sense to support his wife at that very painful time. You have 3 siblings, presumably one of them or another member of your family could have supported your mom that day. Undoubtedly, YTA.
YTA. Why the fuck would you leave your wife in the hospital while she’s having a miscarriage?!
YTA
YTA. “Felt like I was no use since the baby was gone…” What about your wife, dude? You COULD HAVE been “of use” emotionally (and physically, considering she’s likely in pain) supporting YOUR WIFE.
You showed how very little you value her feelings and well being.
You aint shit, my dude. Is your mom carrying your child? No. (Or, i hope not)
Man up. Learn how to sit with uncomfortable things and show up for the most important person in your life. And that isnt your mom fyi.
YTA.
Your role as a husband and a support person to your bleeding, miscarrying wife is more important than supporting your mother.
Your family or origin sounds like a very dysfunctional, toxic mess. You're too close to it and too enmeshed to even understand that you made a terrible decision and deeply hurt your wife by choosing your mother over her in a crisis.
You need distance from your family of origin, to beg forgiveness from your wife, and to seek non-LDS therapy for yourself.
Now.
Yes, you most definitely are the AH. What you did can easily kill any love or respect your wife had for you. You left her to go help your mommy when she had just lost your child! She is your wife who you are supposed to love and support, not some broodmare. Can you really be that insensitive? I sincerely hope she dumps you for this. LDS or not. Just like your mom should dump your dad for doing the 24 year old secretary and for treating her like a broodmare. I know plenty of LDS that have been divorced. I wish your wife good luck.
YTA you obviously know you did the wrong thing bested solely on the way you justify your behavior. Like you think it’s okay because the baby was already gone, what!? Your behavior toward your wife is callous. Based on the way your dad is, and how you’ve been treating your wife during her pregnancy and now traumatic event, I wouldn’t be surprised if she was considering her options because your neglect toward her is similar to your fathers neglect toward your mother. No way I’d want to stick it out for another 20 years with you, with that type of make behavior to look forward to.
YTA. You say you’re protecting your mom from your “disgusting excuse of a dad” by becoming a disgusting excuse of a dad your wife needs protection from….make it make sense
YTA Stay with your mom as replacement husband. Let your wife meet a man whose priorities are straight. You’re no better than your dad.
YTA. Your wife comes first and you should not have left her side after she miscarried your baby.
Your mom is irresponsible for getting pregnant with a sixth child with so many health issues but that would be another post.
Cut the apron springs or she’ll be your ex wife. Leaving her at this time is unforgivable.
YTA. If my husband had left me in pain and bleeding in the hospital during our miscarriage in March for anything short of an emergency with our son, I’d have started working my way out of the marriage.
What the fuck dude.
AH*1000
I didn't even have to read the whole post, first sentence was enough. Your wife, your chosen life partner, was going through one of the most traumatising emotional experiences possible. YTA.
YTA. You are a sorry excuse of a husband. Shame on you.
YTA many, many times over.
Oooooof this is a bad one boys. YTA for sure
No need to worry about any problems with future pregnancies…at least not with this wife. If I were her I’d pack your things and send you home to your mother…permanently. How dare you try and justify yourself. Of course YTA…stop pretending you aren’t
YTA. You married your wife, not your mother. Your marriage vows were to forsake all others.
YTA - you are treating your wife the way your father is treating your mother. If you don’t want to be like him, be there for your wife. Your presence was what she needed. You failed.
Maybe I shouldn't have read this after I smoked but yta
YTA. You left your WIFE during her most horrific time. Read that again. Your mom is an adult and not your responsibility. What happens in her marriage is her responsibility to deal with. She can leave if she doesn’t feel it’s a good marriage. You need to focus on your marriage. Hopefully your wife won’t divorce you over this, because I sure would.
Enjoy your marriage to your mother because I don’t think your marriage to your wife will last much longer.
YTA
It’s “in sickness and in health” not “whenever mommy doesn’t need me”
Gotta be fake. No way would someone be this big of an asshole and not know it
YTA
I can’t believe you even need to ask. If your dad is “a monster”, cheating with his 24yr old secretary, seemingly absent why is your mom pregnant again? 6th kid? You’re obviously very close with your mom (choosing her over your wife and the loss of your own child) how about you tell her to stop having kids and get whatever help she needs to be able to properly care for the ones she’s already got.
I can't believe you even have to ask if you are the AH! You left your wife, at arguably one of the most traumatic times in her life, to go be with mommy. Jesus. Either cut the cord or get a divorce and move back home. Time to man up, dude. Definitely the AH!
So, you're doing to your wife what your dad is doing to your mom, and you really have to ask?
YTA. Smh.
YTA. Trying to paint your dad as a bigger ah doesn't make you less of one. You've been making your pregnant wife manage your kids, your siblings, cleaning your mom's house and cook food for their family then also dealing with cooking and cleaning at yours. You don't think overworking and over stressing her contributed to this miscarriage? Dude, she deserves better.
I am aghast. If my son came over to support me while his WIFE was actively miscarrying in the hospital, I would tell him to turn his ass around and race back to the hospital and BEG for forgiveness with flowers and snacks in hand.
The fact that your mother didn't send you back to the hospital tells me everything I need to know about her.
The fact that you somehow think it's reasonable to support your mother's needs ahead of your wife's tells me everything I need to know about you.
being a mormon you may not know this, but wives aren't just baby factories, she should be your priority even if she is not actively pregnant
yta
YTA. Let me put it to you this way, in Mathew it is written that a man will leave his father and mother and hold fast to his wife and that the two will be joined as one flesh.
This was in response to a question about divorce, but the answer is very specific. Your parents should not come between you and your wife. You and your wife are the head cornerstone of a new family, YOUR family. You have no other family before the one you have created. There is no other woman you comfort before your wife. There is no house you tidy unless your house is in order. You can’t maintain two households and you cannot replace your father. Your job as a son is complete, anything you do as their son is extra on top of your role as husband and father.
YTA and if you want a successful marriage you go throw yourself at your wife’s feet and BEG for her forgiveness, you promise to NEVER even think about leaving her side when she’s in distress or need ever again and you keep that promise. I don’t care if she would never leave you or what anyone tells you she owes you, you control yourself and you go be a good husband from now on. Your mother knows all this and at her age has watched dozens of families suffer and fall apart because of husbands acting like you just did. She shouldn’t have even let you through the door.
YTA.
I don't think this needs any explanation. But your behavior towards your wife is not too unlike what your dad is doing to your mom. Your mom is choosing to stay, your wife might not. When you married your wife, she should have become your top priority, ALWAYS, over your family.
Whenever one of you is hospitalized for anything, your job is to be there as an advocate and to love. Of course you don't have the medical knowledge and can't do anything to fix the situation. But in a healthy loving supportive relationship, your presence is what you are doing to help. You BEING THERE is the help.
I reiterate your mom is choosing to stay in a dysfunctional marriage. You are more like your dad than you realize, because leaving someone in a vulnerable state by themselves in the hospital is very much like your dad leaving your mom to do everything on her own.
YTA.
I hope at some point it dawns on you the cruelty of your actions of leaving your wife ALONE while going through an extremely traumatic experience for the sake of family drama that, frankly, one of your FIVE OTHER SIBLINGS could have helped with.
"Felt like I was no use SINCE THE BABY WAS GONE" - that is one of the cruelest things I've read on this forum and clearly, there's a lot. THIS MOMENT ISN'T ABOUT YOU. You have no idea what being in a partnership means. I really hope she does divorce you, because she deserves better and you clearly are better of moving into your family's house and playing mediator long term. You have no respect for the family that you CHOSE to start. Shame on you.
This post makes me so angry, I can't even. Please don't try to have another child-you clearly are not father material at this moment in time.
YTA. I would divorce you. Not being there for your wife during one of the most devastating times of her life is absolutely despicable. You felt the need to “grieve” with your mother because your father said some shitty things? That is unbelievable. YOUR WIFE WAS THE GRIEVING ONE AND YOU ABANDON AND BETRAYED HER. That will stick with her the rest of her life and I wouldn’t be surprised if she holds it against you the rest of your life. You sir are a HUGE ASSHOLE. I hope you don’t disappoint your children like you do your wife.
You prioritized your mom over your wife ? While your wife was in hospital having a miscarriage? You are a complete ass. That is incredibly thoughtless and cruel of you
YTA. Your loyalty remains with “your family” aka your mommy.
Your mom is putting all of her marital problems on her kids which shouldn’t be happening and is not your issue to solve. Being there for your wife during an extremely vulnerable and traumatic time is what you should’ve and could’ve done but chose to abandon her.
Hopefully your wife comes to her senses and puts her and her kids first since you’re not doing that and willingly becoming your dad instead.
Your pregnant mom made your wife's miscarriage about her and you decided to do that too. Your adult siblings have wives and families? Newsflash! So do you! And tonight your wife needed you. I know lds isnt as strict about no additional wives but surely a wife in hospital bleeding is still not usually second place to mum.
You're having an incestuous emotional affair and couldn't even put your wife first when she's never needed you more.
Also, your mums selfishness may have been a large part in why your sister has depression.
Kinda seems like your mum has used her kids to fill the gaps that her husband has made. Which is gross.
Resounding hell yes YTA
The LDS cult
It's a cult, and it's why your dad and now you are monsters who mistreat their wives.
I hope you wife divorces you and finds someone who supports her. She deserves better.
????
My dude, are you well?
Is there something in your head or is it empty??
Whoa. YTA Your family comes before your mom now. Man up.
Being present even if you can’t see any output is still doing something. Your wife needs you to be nearby, and she is telling you she needs you to keep visitors at bay. You failed. YTA.
I think it's ironic that you call your father disgusting and horrible. But you have no self-awareness about your own abhorrent behavior. Hopefully, your wife's son will stand up for her against you. And maybe he'll be a better father to his siblings. By the way this is all behavior you're teaching your children. That their wives and children are secondary to their parents and siblings.
YTA
YTA. My miscarriage was the worst day of my life. If my husband had left because his mom was upset about something, he wouldn't be my husband anymore. She needed you and you put her dead last.
YTA, You’re second in line for biggest POS husband in your family next to your father. Congratulations! I feel bad for your wife.
This story is so effing Mormon. A bunch of women whose health/mental health issues mean they shouldn’t be having more babies having babies anyway while men provide little support.
Sick.
Any of you ladies want to join the Mormon church and be a baby factory? It sounds enticing, I know.
YTA and it's funny that you don't see the irony here. You're calling your dad a sorry excuse of a husband for abandoning his wife when she needs him when you're doing the same to your wife... What's that about the apple and the tree?
This has nothing to do with church or anything else, all of those symptoms that your mom is having are likely C-PTSD from being with a narcissist. And everything that you’re saying about your dad sounds like that’s exactly what she’s dealing with. That being said, it was ABSOLUTELY not appropriate for you to fill in as her husband because she won’t leave her’s. You are your wife’s husband. And she needed you. So yes, YTA, but it sounds like your dad is also a real asshole and that your mom needs to get her shit together and leave him, instead making it your problem.
YTA, you called your dad a disgusting excuse of a dad? Well, like father like son, you disgusting excuse for a husband. And I really hope you are not raising your kids in LDS because then you are also a POS father.
His mom is also the AH for calling him during his wife's miscarriage to vent to him about his dad. What the actual fuck? I hope OP's wife leaves him AND the LDS church.
Dude, your entire family except for your wife sounds like a dramatic bundle of assholes. But yes, in the specific instance of 'I left my wife in a traumatic situation just in case my mom needed me', YTA. But also you're probably TA in other aspects because again, I'm not related to you and /I'm/ sick of your family's bullshit after one fucking post.
Of course you're Mormon 🙄 don't forget your cult teaches that God counts every tear you make a woman cry. So imagine all the tears you've caused your wife over this. Good luck facing your God now
YTA
YTA taking a play right out your dad's playbook. Do you have any idea what a miscarriage does to a woman, ya it hurts to the father but we arnt carrying the baby. Your wife was at her absolute lowest, one of the worst days of her life, and needed you there. She needed her partner, her support, and you were with your mommy. When you married her she became your partner and your family above all others, well that is how it is supposed to be. What the hell is wrong with you? Everything you hate about your Dad you have become!!
To me it sounds like you’re exactly like your dad
YTA WTF is a 44 yo woman doing having kids still!!!!! More often than not, complications and danger, indicative of poor chouces and judgement by your mom YTA for CHOOSING HER OVER YOUR SPOUSE LET HER LIVE WITH HER BAD CHOICES AND PUT YOUR FAMILY FIRST WTH is wrong with you, you are no better at choosing than her or your dad Learn now before you lose your own family
You wrote all that detailed information about your mother, father, his secretary, your sister & others but nothing about your wife other than “the baby was gone & i was no use to her”.
All that information is to make YOU feel justified. You’re trying to convince yourself that you aren’t the asshole but buddy you are a major ass to your poor wife.
She needed you a hell of a lot more than your mommy and her issues. Mommy called knowing what your wife was going through and manipulated you so you would come home because she was jealous of your wife getting the attention she deserved from you. She knew exactly what she was doing when she called. You should have consoled your wife and held her.
I cut contact w my narcissist, manipulative mother decades ago because of the mistreatment she dealt to my wife & daughter.
YOUR CHILD DIED ! But you felt your mommy & her household chores needed you more.
When my wife & i miscarried our 1st & i was beside myself because I couldn’t be in the room w her. To this day 23 years later i still beat myself up because I couldn’t be in the room holding her hand. The dr wouldn’t allow me to go inside & it was out of my hands. I stood by the door listening to her cry & it haunts me still. I still feel horrible that she had to go through that alone. She was alone for about 20 minutes but I was there. No one else existed to me in that moment. She was about as far along as your wife.
You definitely need to prioritize your family, immediate family wife & kids, before you struggle to help anyone else.
If she had to experience the death of your baby alone why does she need you if you’re just gonna support your mom over her anyway? If she’s gonna be alone she should be single.
You are the biggest AH ever, and I honestly hope she reevaluates the marriage and what’s actually best for her.
Yikes yikes yikes YTA, big time. Your #1 job is emotional support for your partner, not your mother. She needs to stop breeding babies for your father for her physical and emotional health but that’s not on you to figure out.
You are a weak excuse for a husband.
YTA
YTA and you know it. You are not your mom’s partner and not responsible for bad decision making. This is such a messed up family dynamic and you’ll be lucky you if your marriage survives this. I would leave you
Wow. You’re SO MUCH the AH. You left your wife in the hospital to process the mental, emotional and physical trauma of losing a child without her PARTNER by her side. Losing a child to miscarriage can be an extremely traumatic event, and having to face it without your partner by your side can leave her feeling isolated, unsupported, insignificant, unloved, and forgotten. Great job! You speak poorly of your father, but it sounds like you’re following in his ass-hat footsteps.
Is this a joke? If so, it’s disgusting.
If you’re serious, then YTA! YOUR WIFE was IN THE HOSPITAL and YOUR CHILD DIED, and you couldn’t be bothered to comfort her or even hold her hand?
My condolences to your wife on the loss of her child.
Please !UpdateMe and the rest of us if she decides to stay with your unreliable self.
YTA. You left your WIFE, who is miscarrying your child, to go hold your mommy’s hand. You suck.
YTA, asshole.
Look real close into your mirror, because you are a disgusting excuse of a husband. You are just like your father, deserting your mom, by deserting your wife when she needed you the most.
Too busy focusing on his mom’s clown car having a 10 month old and already pregnant again. Duggars be everywhere.
YTA just on religious principle
YTA. You should feel ashamed. This is so bad.
OMFG how is this even a question? Are you that dense? YTA. Repeat after me, "I'm the asshole and I need to apologize profusely to my wife who I abandoned during her miscarriage."
Next, get into individual and marriage counseling STAT. You need to learn to put your nuclear family first, which is your WIFE AND CHILDREN, and let your extended family learn to manage their lives. You need to lean to HEAR YOUR WIFE. Plus, your mother is manipulating you and causing strife in your marriage. I honestly won't be surprised if we see an update that your wife left you over this and you just don't have any idea why. 🙄🙄🙄
YTA. I hope your wife leaves your ass and gets out of that cult
YTA. The worlds biggest. You abandoned your wife when she actually needed you the most, and you’re asking? And, another thing, your mother needs to stop getting pregnant…a pregnancy at her age is both selfish and irresponsible. Edit: There are men out there wondering why women do t want to bother with men and marriage anymore…men like you are the reason. Being single is far preferable to a husband who couldn’t care less if their child is dying, leaving her to take care of it on her own.
Unless your house is on fire with your kids inside, no man should leave their wife DURING the miscarriage
“Since the baby was gone”… your wife was still there fvcking going through a miscarriage and you went to help your mom because your father started making nasty comments about your wife and her miscarriage…? Like, i can’t really comprehend in which state of mind you decided to write this post and expect someone to side with you. Big AH.
“I was of no use since the baby was gone” dawg you don’t deserve to be married or have children. And your mom having a child when you’re 25 is crazy. Your family is wacked out. I hope your wife dips in the dead of night.
YTA I can’t believe you typed all that out and then posted it. Your wife deserves better.
“I was no use since the baby was gone”
Riiiight I forgot you need a medical degree to comfort your wife during a miscarriage.
YTA
YTA. Your excuse of “I was of no use” is garbage. You could have been of use to your WIFE who you should have stayed with and comforted. That’s just pathetic behavior on your part.
I read till the end waiting for a valid reason. Did not find it. YTA
Yes you are
What a cunt act
YTA you blew it mate. When your wife needed you the most, you left. No doubt your wife will "keep sweet" but she will never trust you again or consider you the priesthood.
YTA YTA YTA YTA YTA You LEFT your wife in the hospital.
You prioritize your spouse over mother! No question! You love both BUT prioritize your wife and kids over your parents and your siblings! It's unfortunate your mom's situation but unless she risks leaving then there is nothing more you personally can do. Your mom should get her tubes tied at this point ! BUT YOUR WIFE JUST LOST A BABY AND IS BLEEDING IN THE HOSPITAL. This is absolutely heartbreaking and can be risky!! You go be with her!! Your mom can deal for at least the time your wife is in the hospital. It's not much of "fixing" anything, it's being there to support your wife.
YTA YTA YTA YTA YTA
YTA.
And purely as an aside, have you been screened for autism? Your lack of emotional awareness is absolutely jaw-dropping.
Massive, massive, MASSIVE YTA
Holy shit you’re the asshole. Your wife could’ve died and you went to your moms house? Because, at least her pregnancy is still viable Dude, when you got married you PROMISED to stay with your wife in sickness and health. Your wife is more than an incubator, she has feelings. These poor, poor LDS women.
I’m laughing because something similar happened to me many moons ago with an ex. You and my ex are complete and utter arseholes. Here’s his number in case you want to compare your arsehole-ness over a few beers 1-800-OMG-YTA
YTA
Your wife was miscarrying. You left her alone to deal with what was happening to her body and the grief she was going through, and you went to help your mom instead. You literally chose your mom's pain over your wife's.
Your wife should be your first priority. You need to rethink your approach here. Whether you could take action to help your wife didn't matter, she needed you to be there for her. You should've been grieving with her, not with your mom.
Oh my god
YTA
You did not actually say “since the baby was gone and at least I could help my mom live out her pregnancy in some comfort” and think you aren’t a complete disgrace as a father. You left your wife who is going through an unimaginable loss to go babysit your mother in her sixth pregnancy at 44 years old???
Yeah. YTA do you want to become your father? Your children will see everything that's going on, and they won't forget. Kids are smart and know when a dynamic is breaking/broken, if you want them to grow up with an example of a healthy relationship you need to make some changes.
Wrap it up, all you're doing is putting further strain financially and emotionally on your family. Go to therapy before you start trying again.
In therapy, tell them about your parents. I'm sorry to hear your mom isn't doing well OP but you're her son and not her partner. This emotional dependency is NOT healthy.
APOLOGIZE to your wife. She carried YOUR CHILD and lost YOUR BABY together, and she went through it alone. I wouldn't stay a second after that, an entire human just died INSIDE OF HER. and you LEFT. Get some help, man.
If you don't want to be an asshole, if you don't want to feel the shame that belongs on your shoulders right now; be a better person. Don't do anything to feel bad about and you won't feel bad.
100% YTA.
I've had 5 miscarriages. My husband was by my side in that hospital room holding my hand the whole way for each and every one.
It's called supporting your spouse. You might want to try it!
You're not only the asshole, you're absolutely heartless. I'd be getting a divorce SO fast.
YTA - BIG TIME!!! Unbelievable. There is nothing more a woman needs than her HUSBAND THERE for emotional and moral support when she is losing your child. You are such a giant A, I would actually advise her to leave you if I knew her AND I am LDS. The insane irony here? You are becoming similar to your own father for neglecting your wife. Your mom’s problems are not yours to fix. Call her RS President and the Bishop and get them to organize people to help you mother, stop trying to rescue her and GO SAVE YOUR MARRIAGE. I would literally leave my spouse over this. You guys needs therapy ASAP and don’t you dare go to Life Star and who a bishop recommends. Get a real therapist. What is wrong with you? Who gives a crap if the baby already died?!!?! Seriously dude, you have have something wrong in the head to abandon your life like this. SMH
YTA omg you left your wife as your baby died, I just can’t think how you ever thought that was right, you literally chose your mum over your wife when your wife was having an emergency and she needed you! I think this is disgusting I just can’t see how you can ever make this up to her.
YTA! YTA! YTA! As someone traumatized by 2 miscarriages myself, I am DISGUSTED BY YOU! You are NO MAN! NO MAN to your wife, no man in general! My husband would NEVER abandon me the way you ABANDONED YOUR WIFE! How dare you!
You're a monster dude.
YTA. You left your wife in one of the hardest times in her life because you “felt like you couldn’t do anything”. All you had to do was be there with her. I can’t imagine how she felt being all alone.
YTA and I hope your wife divorces you over this. Your wife is supposed to be your new immediate family and she had to process this ALONE.
YTA. It was interesting to read 'my other adult siblings are busy with their families' which is why they couldn't help your mother. 'Their families' Don't you have one, too? Your wife is going through a miscarriage!! Your mom could wait, and tell her to stop with the play for your sympathy.
Omg. YTA. On an entirely new AITA level. I can't even remotely fathom how you can see what you did as ok. It's quite frankly disgusting.
Prioritizing your mother over your wife, the mother of your kids, during the miscarriage of your own child. Your parents are grown ass adults that can lay down and make children, they are the ones that need to deal with the consequences of those pregnancies, births, and children. You noted that your other adult siblings were busy with their families, so what about yours?
YTA, majorly
YTA…So your pregnant mom who has a husband takes priority I’ve your wife who is miscarrying your child??? You can’t be serious.
YTA. You felt bad your dad was saying nasty things and thought cleaning would help? Fine but coupled with the fact your wife was miscarrying you chose your mother.
You abandoned your wife in a desperate time of need.
She will never forget. Ever.
Yta. Like father like son.
You felt like you were no use? Emotional support is extremely important. People don’t want to be alone when they’re going through something difficult. It’s your wife for gosh sakes. Apologize and put your big kid pants on and be a husband.
It doesn’t make sense that OP went to support the mother, but didn’t care about supporting the miscarrying wife. Something is very wrong there, imo.
YTA. Like, enormously.
YTA
YTA. I’d never speak to you again. Period.
YTA and I sincerely hope you find a way to make this up to your wife. You fucked up massively, boyo. If I were your wife, I'd leave you for this.
You are the F#### AH. I’m rather hoping this story is bull shit be a
Did you feel all helpless at the hospital so went to see mummy? Well what the fuck do you think your wife felt? You ignorant, self-centred twat. You are a major AH who your wife should divorce over this. You are a disgusting and despicable excuse for a sperm donor (no, I'm not even going to refer to you as a man, because you aren't one). What you have done is inexcusable, you major AH. YTA YTA YTA YTA YTA YTA
Your wife should be your priority, not your mother. Your mother and father have some problems, but they are not your problems. Go be with your wife. She needs your support. I’m sorry for your loss as well. I know it might seem like you are useless, but being around, even if you are just sitting, is important.
YTA.
You abandoned your wife at the hospital to grieve the loss of the baby by herself because you didn't feel useful. Being present for your wife is more important that your damn ego. Holding her hand and being a shoulder to cry on IS doing something.
YTA. your wife comes first man.
Fuck you
YTA. You’re continuing the family tradition.
Wtf is wrong with you.
YTA!!!!!! Probably one of the absolute worst Ive ever seen on here ! You belong with mommy, mama’s boy. And I hope your wife finds a real man.
I’ve had two miscarriages. They are traumatic, even in the first trimester. You should have been with your wife. She needed you. You are her #1, her life partner. She should be able to count on you above everyone else. Understandably your mom is going through stuff too, but this is where you delegate the second oldest to go help mom.
ESH except your wife! Your siblings need to step up, your mum should have kicked your ass for leaving your wife, and your dad clearly uses your mum as a baby machine. You should have a hard think about how you perceive relationships because you are more influenced by your dad than you realise.
YTA. I know the LDS church scares women into staying with their horrible partners by convincing them their children won’t belong to them in the afterlife, but I really REALLY hope your wife (and your mother for that matter) have a wake up call and walk away from husbands who do nothing but make them feel alone.
W-O-W. I legit just screamed "F YOU!" quite loudly in this smoothie place and about threw my phone across the room.
YTA
Congratulations. You're probably going to be getting divorce papers soon too. Then you can really spend time with your mom. I hope you're happy with your decision. I have miscarried multiple times. It feels like your soul is leaving your body. My husband is right next to me. Your mother should NOT be the other woman in this relationship. Good Lord.
YTA and I really hope this is fake…
Gross behaviour. Grow up Peter Pan, you should of been their for your wife.
YTA- If you know the biblical meaning of marriage, you just FAILED big time!
Your Mother is taking over YOUR life because hers is sloppy and honestly, IRRESPONSIBLE. She’s a full grown adult leaning on her adult children, instead of letting them have their OWN LIVES!
You either need to back away from your Mother or get a divorce. Because right now, you’re being a better husband to your Mother than your own WIFE!
You should be ashamed!
I literally cried reading this imagining going through this one day.
You are the biggest as hole I’ve ever saw here on reddit and your wife just lived most woman’s worst nightmare.
I HONESTLY preferred the pain of loosing both arms than the pain of my husband abandoning me while I’m at the hospital loosing a child.
You hurt her so bad you should be ashamed, there is no way you are a better man then your father because you are on the lowest of the lowest class of man that could hurt a woman emotionally so bad and still have the audacity of thinking you may be right.
Congrats you just became a major asshole and a mini version of the man who treats your mother like shit.
The baby was already gone, BUT YOUR WIFE WASN’T. Jeez, a miscarriage is a process and it’s happening in your very much alive wife. It’s not your responsibility that your mom chose to marry this a-hole and continues to stay, but your wife is your responsibility. She chose you, and you’re choosing your mother. Do your mom a favor and tell her to have her tubes tied after this next one if she won’t use birth control. YTA
What a long-winded story to try and bury just how much of a butthole you are. YTA
YTA. But let me tell you, as a former Mama’s boy, that Mom’s claws can be sunk in so deep you can’t even see they are there. My Mom passed 9 years ago and I am still discovering ways she raised and manipulated me to replace my father who divorced her when I was three. The value system was if I didn’t help her I was as bad as my “terrible father” who left her. It was very toxic. She also had substance abuse problems, and her refusal to quit allowed me to walk away (in the hopes of scaring her straight. It didn’t work: she died about 5 years later of complications related to breast cancer). So if you’re feeling conflicted, remind yourself that when you got married, you started your commitment to one woman above all others. Your mom is a grownup. Make your wife feel loved and appreciated. It’s important.
YTA. Your wife just miscarried and you left her in the hospital while she's physically and emotionally unwell?! I could understand dropping the kids off at your parents' house and then coming back to tend to her, but leaving her when she needs you the most? Nah, fam. You should really reevaluate your priorities moving forward.
YTA
Here's what I hear- my wife is so self-sufficient she can go through losing our child through miscarriage all by herself.
Your poor wife, she needs a better husband.
YTA
Omg, so YTA. First of all, you wife is BLEEDING and you leave her alone in the hospital when she needs you the most. Second, why is your mother having another child with someone you call a “monster” and is clearly cheating on her. Your mother has multiple adult children, I’m sure you could have been able to get her away from him by now. Also, if she had complication after the last birth, why put herself through it? She has enough children and she can’t seem to handle more kids without relying on her other children which is such an irresponsible thing to do. Lastly, YTA
YTA. You left your wife, who was suffering a painful and tragic loss, to make your mother feel better.
Draw more lines.
You are a big AH. As a wife and mother. I would not be going home once I left the hospital. I would be going to my mom’s house and having you drop my kids off there. Not sure if I would divorce you but I would be separating form you from a while and would be going to therapy.
This is absolutely a troll post. What kind of rage bait is this? No one is this much of a complete & total asshole and an idiot, to boot. I call bullshit.
YTA. Like father, like son.
YTA.
You are in desperate need of therapy. You think you're supposed to be your mother's emotional support animal, or even her stand-in husband, which is a grossly dysfunctional dynamic for a parent-adult child relationship. You're married yet believe your mother is number one over your own wife, the woman you made vows to.
Yeah, the baby was gone, but your wife's agony and grief over losing your child will probably never go away. You left her to go through that horrendous trama alone to go hold your mommy's hand. Oh, she was crying because your father was saying nasty things!? How on earth is that more important than what your wife was enduring? Man, your mother has messed you up badly.
ARE YOU OUT OF YOUR MIND???? Do you really think that beeing there was unimportant? Did you not think your wife might need your presence?
YTA
YTA you are a terrible husband oh my gosh I hope she finds better. Her baby just died and you left her? And your mom was ok with that? Then she’s the AH too. A good mom would have made you turn around and go support your wife. Wow just wow
the only people in this whole sh*t show who aren't TA are ur wife and SIL. U should have absolutely stayed with ur wife during this time it wasn’t a problem to solve ffs she needed emotional support. This is the latest thing u have messed up. Ur mother and father need to stop having children if it makes her so ill she is unable to care for her house and children they are not ur or ur wife’s problem. helping out occasionally is fine but u can’t care for 2 families ur wife’s miscarriage should have made this beyond obvious. All the other family drama is irrelevant tell them all to get in their own lanes and keep u out of it. Ur family sound exhausting if i was ur wife I would have filed for divorce and left u to be ur mom’s pseudo husband and got out of all that toxic drama
YTA mommy boy, you left your wife alone while she was going through hell both mentally and phisically, you are unworthy of being a husband, you will always prioritize your mommy over your wife and children, i hope she divorces you.
YTA. Please tell us that this is rage bait.
Because if it isn’t, I’m gonna be surprised if you remain married much longer. But that’s OK, because then you can continue your semi-incestuous relationship with your mom.
And you saying that you feel bad, because you felt like you were no you, since the baby was gone… Let me correct that….
You are no use. You were literally taking up space for your wife that’s all. You do fucking realize that if they couldn’t stop that bleeding, your wife could’ve died.
But that’s OK. Cause poor mommy who chooses to stay in a god awful relationship needed her baby to come and help because dad he was being mean.
JFC… do you realize how stupid that sounds? Do you realize how useless you actually were? Your mommy was having a bad day basically. I’m sorry that your dad is such a dick and that you have fallen into the trap of allowing yourself to become your mother pseudo husband.
You have an actual wife who needed you. Not only could she have died. She was losing a baby, and she needed your emotional support. And she is supposed to be the one you go with first. But it’s OK since the baby was dead anyway. I’m sure your wife is just fine.
You’re either a troll or an idiot. And if you’re not a troll, I fully expect to see your next post, whining because your wife left you for “helping your mom” without giving any other context. Jerk.
YTA. No question.
Dude yes YTA - how can you even ask? You have failed as a husband
I can't believe you have to ask if you're the AH...you went to help your mother while YOUR WIFE was losing your baby. You are the biggest AH and I hope she sends you and all your belongings back to your precious mommy
Yes you are leaving your wife to grieve the loss of your unborn child to go cater to your mother you need to cut them apron strings your wife needs and deserves a supportive man who will be by her side now if you said your other children were sick and you had to stay back to care for them because they are I'll that's different but going to take care of your grown mother who has a husband is bad decision making on your part. And I think maybe your mom may want to consider closing the baby making shop down she's 44 already dealing with alot and putting her baby at higher risks for developmental disabilities among other things
Your parents are cultish assholes.
You are just an asshole for treating your wife that way. Her baby, YOUR baby, was dead inside of here and she needed YOUR support.
YTA
You left your wife at her most vulnerable to go be with your mom (who is so sick she can't clean her own house, but is still having sex and getting pregnant at 44 by your abusive dad)?
WTF is wrong with you?
Frankly, your entire family sounds like a cult dumpster fire.
Yta, you left your wife at the hospital? Just wow!!
YTA
This is ragebait, right? You're just a troll making up an awful husband story?
Are you freaking kidding me??? You wife is losing a pregnancy, in pain, bleeding and you leave her? What the heck dude?!? Pregnancy loss is traumatic, depressing, and can overall destroy a person for a long time. She needed you to be by her side and you chose someone else. You couldn’t fix it. She didn’t need you to. She needed you to be with her, grieve with her, support and protect her and instead she learned she doesn’t matter.
You better get ready to beg for forgiveness and do whatever it takes to earn back her trust or you marriage is not long for this world!
YTA big time!
I hope your wife now realizes what a completely awful man you are and divorced your ass. If she does, please do the world a favor and do not inflict yourself on any more women. You have your mommy who apparently is the most important person in your life. You lied when you spoke your vows to put your wife before all others
YTA
Your wife should come before your mommy. She just lost a baby and needs your presence.
YTA. your mom seems to have a lot of problems saying no to your father if she's in her 40s and on child #6 with a deadbeat abusive man. you left your wife during her time of crisis and prioritized your mom over her. I hope she understands nows that you'll never put her and your children first, and that she has the balls to leave you.
YTA, I hope this is the wake up call your wife needs to divorce you
YTA and a mommas boy. Wife comes before mother.
YTA— to say YTA is an understatement. Your wife was having a miscarriage and you couldn’t stay with her for that short time because you had to go to mommy’s house? You even seem to say that you don’t like being somewhere where you there aren’t “problems to solve”. So it’s a you problem— very selfish.
YTA such a massive mommy's boy AH. That was a total garbage thing to do to your wife. You should be ashamed of yourself. You wife will forever see you as "less than". Less of a husband, less of a father, and absolutely les of a man.
YTA - If your wife does not divorce you immediately and go NC with every member of your toxic family she needs to be checked into a women’s shelter where she can get help overcoming whatever trauma she’s experienced that makes her think she doesn’t deserve any better.
Are you sure your mom’s baby isn’t yours? You’re sure acting like a spouse to your mom and not a son.
He must have crawled back under his rock because he isn’t responding.
Wow. When you marry your wife become your primary concern. It's sad that your mom is treating you like a de facto husband. I would suggest you take stock and re-set your priorities which should be your wife and children. YTA
I really hope you wife has support in that hospital to help shield her from her disgusting excuse of a husband. Your wife has lost a baby she is in hospital why wouldn’t you be next to her and support her you mom choose to have a shitty husband and your mom called to tell you about the drama and didn’t give a toss about your baby really because if she did the last thing on my mind if my son lost a child is to talk about how shitty your dad is . who care if your dad is causing trouble that’s not your problem your wife is your main priority and you just showed her she will never be your first priority she could bleed to death alone in that hospital bed and you would probably be more concerned how it would affect your mother pregnancy and blame her death as some inconvenience if your mother had an increase in anything.
Did you literally just say you thought it was better to grieve with your MOTHER rather than your own wife -- you know the woman who went through the physical pain of losing your child?
WTAF.
Also, your entire family situation with your parents sounds toxic and horrible. You sound like you're caught in abuse loop of thinking you can fix things you can't. And will lead you to hurt other people -- like leaving your wife in a hospital without after the trauma of a miscarriage. You need to start putting your family (your wife and your kids) first.
Yta
Jesus, y'all are all AHs for breeding like maniacs! What's wrong with you all?! Stop treating the women like bending machines. Jesus hates you. ESH
YTA you are a sad excuse for a husband.
YTA You abandoned her in her hour of need. You failed as a husband as a father. How dare you run away and pretend you are actually some hero for doing it? Your mom didn’t need shit at that moment. You are just using her as an excuse so you didn’t have to stay and face the pain and anguish of the situation.
You left you wife to do that alone. You showed her that ‘in sickness and health, in good times and bad’ means jack shit to you and you are going to bail on her when times get tough. You are just a weak little man pretending to be big and strong while still hiding under your mothers skirt.
YTA - You didn’t have to DO anything for your wife but be there and hold her hand. She couldn’t do anything about what was happening either and I assume she felt helpless too. You didn’t think that maybe she’d need you as a shoulder to cry on? And turned out she DID need you to protect her from that unwanted visitor. Honestly it sounds like you need to grow up. It’s admirable that you both help your mother in her times of need, but your wife is right and your immediate family should always come first - your other siblings understood this, why can’t you?
Your wife is your priority. You let her down. Your other family problems are not the issue here.
Yta I would divorce you over this end of.
YTA. Your wife should be your top priority, ALWAYS. And it's beyond disgusting that you said "I was no use since the baby was gone." YOUR WIFE NEEDED YOU.
YTA. Why do you even have a wife and kids when you clearly just want to me mommy’s bestest babysitter plus therapist? She’s an adult. She needs to handle her own life, especially if she keeps having kids with such a shit husband.
YTA. You disregarded your own wife’s feelings just like your abusive father does to his wife. I think you can do better.
You could have gone to help your mom after your wife was out of crisis from miscarrying your baby. Wtf.
Really? You are asking this question and don’t know?
Yes, YTA
Your parents problems aren’t yours. It’s great you want to help out, but you should be focusing on your immediate family.
Your mom needs help with the house, they should hire someone or let it me until dad does it or people have time.
Your siblings have realized that they need to prioritize their families, learn from them.
INFO: why didn't you do this for your wife? She also needed comfort and shielding.
at least I could help my mom live out her pregnancy in some comfort and shield her from my disgusting excuse for a dad,
YTA. Immaturity seems to be a factor here. Also, what is your mom grieving about?
You left your wife at the hospital, going through a miscarriage, to go to your mom, who is also pregnant, who is grieving to also grieve with her?
Where on earth does this make the slightest bit of sense?
YTA and an equally disgusting excuse for a dad/husband.
YTA You left because the emotions were difficult. That’d be fine if you were running away from a mountain lion, but you ran away from your wife in distress. You need to grow up and be a father and a husband. I am sorry to be so direct about it, but I honestly feel so sorry for your wife, who was an abandoned in the hospital.
Yta. You talk about your dad like he's a monster. You are exactly like him
YTA. Your wife will never forget this betrayal. I left a 20+ yr marriage because my ex chose not to be there when I needed emergency surgery for an ectopic pregnancy. That was your baby she miscarried! You chose your mother over your wife when your wife needed you most. I don’t know how you will ever make this up to her or get her trust back.
Your wife miscarried your third child. You should have been with her as a husband and a father to grieve and support. You are not your mom’s husband. If you can’t put your wife first in this scenario, when will you? I would anticipate too many years together if you don’t stop this. YTA.
YTA. If this is even remotely true your wife deserves someone way better than you.
You could have 'done something ' in the hospital. You could have supported your wife and advocated for her. YTA, and you need to beg your wife for forgiveness. It will be a while before she is over this.
If your mom is still having babies with your dad, she has well and truly made her bed. If she can't manage her household as it is, she is responsible for the extra pressure she is putting on this household.
As your mom's pregnancy continues, it could become increasingly challenging for your wife considering her miscarriage.
You say that your older siblings are all very busy with their families, which is where you needed to be for your wife at the hospital! There's no excuse for you leaving your wife at that time, none! Your father is responsible to his wife as you are to yours, and it seems like you ditched your wife as he did too. So get your head out of your ass and wake up!
YTA and a garbage husband here. Your wife was actively miscarrying, in physical and emotional pain. You left to try and prevent your mother's pain, rather than focus on your wife's definite need of you. Your wife is supposed to be your priority. This will have changed her opinion of you forever.
"I could go grieve with her" Why not grieve with your actual wife?!
YTA. You ARE useless to your wife. You refused to help her. You refused to be there. She suffered one of the worst losses anyone could suffer and you ditched her. Your mom is a selfish asshole for letting you abandon your wife. You're a selfish asshole too. You don't deserve to be a husband or a father.
YTA. The Bible says you are to leave and cleave. You leave your extended family and cleave to your wife. You are failing as a husband. You are a husband and father first, a son second. Your mom is an adult and presumably doesn’t need you to mediate or take care of her, or shouldnt anyway. Stop being a child. Go be a man and take care of your wife.
YTA. I hope your mother’s comfort was worth your relationship. I can’t imagine looking at my husband the same after this.
Yta your priority is your wife
Your mother CHOSE to have another kid despite being extremely sick during her last pregnancy and her unstable love life. This isn’t your problem
YTA. I hope your wife divorces you and only parents through an app. You absolutely suck for not staying with your wife while she loses YOUR pregnancy.
YTA. You act like the only point of you being at the hospital is if you could personally save the baby or something, and you couldn’t so you peaced out. Idiot. The point of you being there is to support your wife and grieve with her and bear witness to the important moments in life. You need to stop acting like your mom’s husband (and holy shit your mom needs to stop having kids).
YTA. Jesus christ.
i hope this is fake holy shit this heartless
YTA. You just suck as a husband dude. Your mom is your Dad's problem, not yours. I can't imagine a world where I left my wife at the hospital else she was actively miscarrying. Fuck your Dad and fuck you. It's easy to see where you get it from though.
YTA
Your WIFE is in the HOSPITAL miscarrying YOUR BABY!?
And you dropped everything to go comfort your mommy who won't help herself. You're a sonsband. Your mommy is using you as a substitute husband and won't leave the asshole she keeps having babies with.
YOU LEFT YOUR HOSPITALIZED MISCARRYING WIFE TO GO COMFORT YOUR MOTHER!?
You left your wife in the hospital while she was under going a miscarriage to spend time with your mommy?! Of course YTA. "In sickness and in health". It's part of the vows man! This was a low point for your wife and marriage and you just nope out to go see mom. You definitely screwed up.
YTA. Your wife just learned you’re a useless mamas boy who doesn’t care about her or love her enough to stay beside her during one of the worst times in her life.
If your wife is smart, she’ll leave your pathetic ass behind and start over with a REAL man who isn’t so far up mommy’s butt he may need to be birthed a second time.
You are a disgusting excuse of a human.
YTA and absolutely disgusting. Maybe your wife will learn the lesson your mother didn't and quit having children with a man who puts another woman before her.
If this isn’t rage bait then you are one of the biggest AH I’ve seen on here in a while and you deserve your own special flair. Wow dude…just wow.
YTA. You cant possibly be serious. Not only did you put your mom before your wife, mama's boy, you abandoned her right after she miscarried your child. Your wife was extremely vulnerable, and emotional, and you left to go play hero to your mommy. There was nobody else at your mom's house to do chores, so you had to leave at that very moment to help out? If I was your wife, that would be the end of any relationship with you.
This is a really weird post if this is real.
YTA big time and i hope your wife leaves you so you can stay and marry your mom since you wanna be with her so badly. Your as bad as your father your both piece of shits.
Are you sleeping with your mom? You hate your father and you don’t care about your wife or the baby she just lost so it seems logical to ask.
YTA- It’s not even about your mom, it’s all about YOU. If YOU don’t feel useful, YOU cannot handle it, and YOU LEFT. Your one job was to simple BE THERE for your wife. To be ready to act when she needed and be an emotional comfort. You seriously need to learn that being an emotional support is just as important as being a physical support. But right now, you’re too damn selfish to see that. I would not be surprised if your wife left you after this incident because you have proven yourself unreliable in a moment of crisis. You cannot take your daddy’s place all the time and still be a father and husband to your own wife.
When you get divorce papers, which I hope is soon, you can come back here and read this and understand this was probably that straw that broke the camel's back.
YTA
Your wife deserves better. You are your father's child for sure. YTA. Your wife needs to find someone better. I'm sure this isn't the only time you've done something like this
YTA. You left your wife - who had just miscarried your child - to go to your mother?! If you can’t see what is wrong with that I’m not sure your marriage is redeemable. Your wife deserves better.
YTA. Be there for your wife. She is the one that lost YOUR child.
YTA wtf is wrong with you?? Your wife needed you. Even if the baby was gone, your wife needed you and you dipped out on her to take care of somebody else. Fuck you. Your mom isn’t the only one with a shitty husband/ father. You were a terrible partner in this instance.
This is the second one of these. Hoping it's fake or rage bait, if not, YTA and you have to get seriously looked at by a doctor if you can't fathom why
YTA - how could you leave your wife during that? You think she likes being self sufficient or she has to be her you’re too busy with your mom that she can’t rely on you so she has to herself?
Please be ragebait. You neglected and abandoned your wife during a miscarriage? Wtf man! Ditch your mom.and go be a husband.
YTA- you left your wife in the hospital by herself while she was miscarrying YOUR child to go grieve the death of your child with your mother bc she cried and your dad was mean to her? Wtf is wrong with you that you’d leave your wife ALONE in that kind of situation?? I don’t know if you’ll be able to make this up to your wife. You abandoned her during a horrible medial emergency to deal with it all by herself. I don’t know how you come back from this.
Dude...YTA, a HUGE one. What you wife went through was traumatic and something that will stick with her forever. You left bc you felt helpless and your mom was crying over your dad's actions. Tough shit for her..you bave other siblings who could have gone. You never should have left you wife. In my eyes, that is unforgivable.
I got a headache reading this so I'm going to lay down a bit.
I have more colorful ways to explain why OP is a huge AH but I'll go with YTA........ an unimaginably huge AH
YTA. YTA. YTA...x infinity. If I were your wife, I'd already be gone. You are a terrible person. The fact that you have to ask this is ridiculous. If I wasn't clear, YTA. Wow...
Gross. Just no. Your wife comes first. Your mom don’t believe in birth control? She was young having you and is basically a broken down incubator at this point. Her husband prowling around? All kinds of screwed up stuff here. Wouldn’t blame your wife if she noped outta all your mess. GTFOH.
YTA Your priorities are not in the right place and that place is next to your wife 😠I’m having a hard time remembering who you are married to your mom or wife?? You are a major ass!!
You've become your father. As the saying goes, the apple doesn't fall far from the tree.
YTA
Your wife was physically aborting a wanted child. She was probably in pain and feeling helpless and so many emotions with an unimaginable force. Her hormones must have been all over the place and her feelings... she must have felt broken. And you decided that in that moment, in her most vulnerable she wasn't a priority. You abandoned her to do chores. You chose to grieve the child you would have with your wife, whilst she was actively losing the child, with your mother. Not the woman suffering. Not the one who is currently going through this grief. But with your mother.
You are absolutely cruel and disgusting and I sincerely hope one day you look back and are ashamed of yourself, as you should. The woman you are supposed to love and cherish, the woman who should be your priority and who was going to give you another child was vulnerable at a hospital and you left her ALONE.
Someone she didn't like has her as more of a priority than her own husband.
I sincerely hope you get therapy and get better and grovel for your wife's forgiveness. Otherwise, I pray she leaves and finds someone who would be there for her in sickness and in health, for better and for worse.
YTA. Buy your mom a pack of condoms or pay for tubal ligation. And pay attention to the family YOU have created. Personally, if my husband went to support his mother rather than me I’d divorce his ass express.
Yta....you left your wife alone while your baby was dying. She needed you. You COULD do something. Be there to grieve with HER, not your mother. It wasn't your mother that was losing the baby. Also, your mom needs to stop having children. Seriously. These kids are NOT your responsibility. You own wife and kids are. Sure, help your mom if she really needs it, but your first priority is your own family or guess what, you're going to be living with your mom for real. Your moms decisions and life choices are not yours to fix. She needs to deal with those herself. Not you.
YTA for saying you left your wife because that baby was gone so you might as well go help your mom with her baby! What about the fact that something that was inside our body literally just came out? What about the trauma of her baby dying? What about the way she probably feels like a failure because her body didn't work right... Or the fact that our hormones are up and down and sideways right now? You ain't thinking of any of that?
Why do you hate your wife? Like literally what did she do to you to make you treat her so horribly? If you feel this way about her then why are you not getting a divorce? Your children are going to see how horrible you treat her and they are going to learn that not only can they treat her horribly but that's what a relationship is and when they grow up they're going to end up being in a neglectful relationship just like yours!
Your parents shouldn't be having more kids! PERIOD! Your mom is not mentally healthy enough, nor is she physically healthy enough, nor is her marriage healthy enough! But here's you encouraging her to bring another child into a relationship where the mom is probably being cheated on and the dad is unable to be a decent partner. Great choice is all around! I hope your wife gets everything in the divorce!
YTA.
You are acting the same way toward your wife that your father acts toward your mother and you don’t even see it.
It sucks your mother is sick but also FFS, she has known pregnancy is horrible for her for ten years now and is choosing to get pregnant/carry through with further pregnancies. With a selfish dickhead. That is her choice. Why you think it is your burden to carry is perplexing - your siblings are smarter than you for cutting the strings of codependency and toxicity.
Certainly your mother was not in any emergency situation that justified abandoning your wife who had just miscarried yours and her baby. No one was expecting you to be able to reverse the miscarriage but you know, maybe some moral and emotional support would be fucking nice.
If this is a real post I honestly hope your wife recognizes YTA too and leaves. Maybe she at least won’t repeat the mistakes your mother has made.
Please, all of you, stop breeding! It's cruel to bring more helpless babies into this dangerous, painful, always deadly world.
Enough Reddit for me today. Now people are asking if they're an AH for checks notes abandoning their wife while their baby died....
YTA and hopefully you are the ex-husband in short order. You abandoned your wife while she was still bleeding because she was loosing your own child.
YTA. I don’t even have words
The planet is fucked. The future is fucked. Stop. Making. Babies.
Your child died, and you went to your mom’s house to comfort HER, because your father said mean things about your baby dying.
YTA.
You’re probably going to get divorced. Maybe your mom will get divorced, so your dad can marry his secretary.
Then you can move in with your mom, and the two of you can coparent your kids on your shared custody days.
You are a sorry excuse for a husband.
Women in unfulfilling marriages can get platonic but inappropriate relationships with their kids called emotional incest. She tells you about her natural problems, cries to you, and had you by HER side while your wife lost your child and cried without you.
Look up emotional incest and see if this fits.
Your wife told you it was becoming a problem, yet you wouldn’t listen. You rushed to your mom’s side and wanted your wife to be independent and soldier on when the baby in her belly didn’t make it.
This is just absurd. You cannot be this dense, so it must be conditioning.
Yta, your wife and your kids need you over your mom. Your mother needs to stop having children she can’t take care of. You need to support your wife leaves you because I would not fault her at all.
Yes YTA
YTA. Are you married to your mom or your wife? I can’t tell.
op just because your dad is a bigger asshole doesn’t mean you’re not one too… YTA
YTA. Thank you for giving the context that you're a practicing LDS person. Still doesn't excuse abandoning your spouse while she's in the HOSPITAL, miscarrying your child, choosing instead to take the role & responsibilities your father abdicated from being accountable to HIS wife- your mother. Women sometimes die from miscarriage complications. Where would you have been? Holding your mom's hand, fulfilling the role of your mother's spouse. BTW, that's super creepy and gives emotional incest vibes.
Being LDS, your wife might choose to maintain the patriarchy and stay with your undeserving tuchus. In a relationship that isn't in a high demand religion, the spouse who abandoned the wife during a miscarriage would shortly become the ex. The lessons you taught your other children are epic and damaging. Do better. You can't actually make this up to your wife. The betrayal really goes against the marriage covenants you made to your God and your spouse. God luck!
Your mom going to help cover the divorce lawyer fees?
YTA. A huge asshole.
Your wife is having a miscarriage and you go take care of your mom? No, you STAY WITH YOUR BLEEDING WIFE FOR EMOTIONAL SUPPORT. Having a miscarriage is so heartbreaking and I can’t even imagine how pissed off and hurt I’d be if my husband left me in the hospital to take care of his mom, who SHOULDN’T even be pregnant if she can’t even take care of herself. AT 44 YEARS OLD. WITH A SHITTY HUSBAND. Your parents need to use birth control or stop freaking having sex.
YTA.
NEVER put your mother before your wife. EVER.
YTA and no better than your father and a huge hypocrite. That’s divorceable level disgusting behavior on your part.
Your as bad as your dad just in a completely different way a failure as a husband to your own wife. YTA
YTA. You made it all about you. You don’t do well when you can’t solve a problem? I guarantee your wife was doing even less well than you, and needed you there to hold her, love her and support her. Not just ‘advocate for her’. And you ran away, using your mother as an excuse, because feeling useful for her made you feel better about yourself. For goodness sake, don’t you even like your wife?
YTA. You'll be lucky if she doesn't divorce you over this and it would be 100% justified. She's not wrong that there needs to be a line drawn. The family you create comes before the family you came from.
You are a remarkably obtuse individual. Your wife is bleeding out your child but you go to your mother because she's crying. I don't know in what universe that is acceptable. And your mother really should quit squeezing out babies. There's a time and a place and she's past it.
YTA You picked your MOM over your WIFE. And you have a lot of excuses for not establishing boundaries
You just turned into your father. Congratulations
YTA. Why is your mom having more kids than she can clearly take care of? And why aren’t you being a kinda ok husband to your wife?
YTA. U left your wife while she was miscarrying cuz your mother was crying. Your mother needs to stop having kids. She can't take care of the ones she has. Your wife should've came first. Your crying mom can grow up
You are indeed the AH. Your mother has made her choices and can live with the consequences. You should help her when everything in your life with your wife is under control. Leaving your wife in the hospital while she’s miscarrying your baby is absolutely horrible. Prioritize your wife. YTA
Yta and so is your mother.
You need therapy and the both of you need to accept you are NOT her second spouse/confident. You. Are. Her. Child.
I hope your wife divvies out some harsh consequences to make you wake up to the fact SHE and your children are your nuclear family now. And only them, op. Once you marry, mama becomes secondary. Mama has a husband and minor children. Mama needs to lean on her siblings or other close loved ones her age for support NOT HER CHILD.
Yta. It was more important for you to confort your mom about the miscarriage th An the persone who was actualy ahaving a miscarriage
YTA and are a terrible husband
Omg. Your poor wife. You asshole.
YTA really how could you leave her there alone. Also why does your mother keep having kids if she is unwell and can’t care for them!
Might as well just marry your mommy dude. Yeah that sucks for her but that's not YOUR problem. Your wife miscarrying YOUR fucking child is in fact YOUR PROBLEM. It was fucking gross reading this post. I hope your wife leaves you. Asshole.
YTA YTA YTA. You won’t have to worry about it long though because this is beyond divorce worthy
YTA. Your wife should be priority.
You’re such a lame POS. You left your own wife going through a miscarriage to comfort your MOTHER?! What is wrong with you. YTA, completely and totally. And you’re pathetic.
Sir, YOU are the disgusting excuse for a dad here. YOU. Look in the mirror and you'll find no difference between you and your dad.
Why? You CHOOSE to neglect your wife, the same way your dad does to your mom.
You are the asshole because you have not an iota of sympathy or humanity in you. Want to know how we know this? It's written point blank in your own post:
Just because the baby was gone, your wife is suddenly exempt from any support? She literally bled out a baby, literally birthed a baby that had lived long enough for the news to be shared yet tragically taken before being born.
Let's see it from your wife POV:
"My husband has been distant throughout my pregnancy because he would rather support his mother, who is pregnant with her 6th, while I'm pregnant with what would be my third.
.
Then, I start to bleed, my body heavily cramping, unable to control the pain, rushed to the hospital and I lose my baby. I am mourning, I need someone to hold, someone to tell me it's all going to be okay, someone who would help me at least come to terms with this tragic passing. But my asshole of a husband decides to stay with his mom because she's crying because *checks notes* her husband was mean to her."
Perhaps you won't get it from your wife's POV.
Grow the fuck up and realize your mother is choosing to be with an abusive man, which means accept it or not, she's normalizing his behavior. Again, accept it or not, this has led you to become unbelievably asshole-ish because you're emulating his behavior with your wife.
You're not the hero you think. Get your head out of your ass. I hope to God your wife divorces you because she doesn't deserve an ounce of disrespect she gets from your family.
How did you write everything and not deduce you're TA? You're the biggest AH in this situation.
Hate to say it but this marriage is over or gonna be very very very strained for the rest of its duration… you abandoned your wife at the hospital when she was bleeding to go comfort your mom? You should have been comforting your wife. You know the woman you married and are meant to love and be a family with (immediate family). You’re on the road to being like your dad’s relationship with your mom and it’s sad.
YTA. This whole family situation sounds extremely creepy. Pretty sure TLC will want to do a show about it.
YTA. Cut the umbilical cord Momma’s Boy.
YTA and if I was your Mum I would be ashamed of you. You are not very different then you own father when it comes to mistreating their wife's.. Like father like son, I guess. You left her alone and exposed, she was living through one of the worst things a woman can live and you just took off? Awful!
And the cycle continues....
YTA and a terrible husband for abandoning your wife when she needed you.
NO ONE likes to see someone suffering and feel helpless to do anything about it. Do you think this makes you special and therefore you don’t need to be a supportive spouse?
What if your wife were to get cancer and struggle with terrible treatment side effects for months? What if she becomes terminally ill? Would you eat away then too because you can’t “fix” her?
Your mother is no longer your first priority, as an adult your wife and kids have to come first.
I was waiting to hear that something terrible was happening to your mother at the same time. I was waiting to hear that you were already there and that for some reason you couldn't leave to be with your wife.
You abandoned your wife, and the child she was carrying, at a moment of life and death. You fled because you were either uncomfortable or didn't care. Either way, you are absolutely the asshole.
YTA. Your wife is your priority and your nuclear family now. That’s your child she’s loosing. What in the actual hell.
YTA
Absolutely
Dude, you fucked up.
YTA
Oh! I had a man do this to me before. It will be the only thing she thinks of when she looks at you from now on. It will never be the same honestly. If there was any semblance of trust you destroyed it, you've become the opposite of a safe reliable person. All she sees is a coward who she can't trust to be by her side. She will expect you to run from everything. I hope she goes through with a divorce. You put your partner first in marriage, that's the entire point.
YTA your abandoning your wife when she needed you most just like your dad has done to your mother. You can’t fix your parents problems but you can fix yours.
YTA … and you know it.
You can’t even see what an asshole you are because your thinking is so clouded by Mormon cult nonsense, which apparently is promoting abusive behavior between family members, which is totally ok as long as you all keep reproducing. I mean, it’s not like human population is currently way too large for the planet to sustain or anything /s.
Seriously you need deprogramming and I’m not exaggerating. The enmeshment with your extended family is unreal, as is your tolerance of their terrible treatment of your wife and her family.
Just one more example of religious people, the “morally superior” ones, behaving predictably badly.
YTA. You literally said you left "since the baby was gone". AKA you didn't care enough about your wife to be there for her in her loss and to advocate for her when she was at her worst AND NEEDED YOU. I hope she leaves your pathetic ass. You chose to sit around your mommy's house rather than be with your wife AFTER HER BABY DIED INSIDE HER. What you did is unfixable, and I truly hope you come home from mommies to find your shit in a smoldering pile on the lawn
Yta
YTA Your wife needed you and you left her helpless at the hospital. You are being more of a husband to your Mother then your own wife. Not just that you say that your parents marriage is abusive guess what your marrige only your wife is doing everything and that is abusive. You let her handle all the house work even do she is pregent, handle the children aka that is ALSO YOURS and she has no time to take of her. She is doing everything while you have to clean up your dads mess cause your Mother doesnt want to leave but still went and had more children. I hope your wife leaves you cause you deserve it.
YTA. Massively. You left your wife alone during the most stressful and painful moments of her life because you had to be with your Mommy. You ought to be ashamed of yourself for failing your wife.
YTA. Jesus Christ, you left your wife who was bleeding and actively miscarrying to go console your mother who was... just fucking crying.
Your wife was LOSING A CHILD INSIDE OF HER. Your mother had her feelings hurt. Sit and think about that.
You don't fucking have to fix it, but YOU NEED TO BE THERE. And I mean be there for YOUR FUCKING MISCARRYING WIFE, not mommy who is boo hooing over the phone.
YTA….you left your wife who was bleeding and miscarrying to go comfort your pregnant mother? You are not your mothers husband. It is your responsibility to be with your wife. Your mother should stop getting pregnant if her health is so fragile. Your mother should have discouraged you from leaving your wife’s side.
YTA - I miscarried my third baby less than a week ago. My husbands mom is in & out of the hospital from heart issues but he didn’t leave me while I miscarried our child because his mom is sick. If he had to work he would have called off even if it meant he was fired just so he could be there for me. He sat with me while I went through the pain of losing our baby because I’m his wife! What you did is disgusting & I would have left my husband if he did that to me.
You might want to start getting used to calling her your ex-wife
I think it's amusing, in some sick way, that you consider your father to be a disgusting excuse of one... because Guess what buddy? You are too. You are an absolutely disgusting excuse of a husband as well as an absolutely disgusting excuse of a father.
I'm presuming your vows said something about in sickness and in health but as soon as it hits the fan and the woman you claimed to love is in the hospital, in physical and emotional pain, you run away and hide under the guise of helping your mommy- who didn't ask you to leave your wife and come be with her instead.
You say problems you can't solve...I think you really mean ones that require you to invest more than 5 minutes and to actually care. I really hope this lady comes to her senses and tells you to go help mummy and don't come back. Did you leave her in the delivery room too because you 'couldn't do anything to fix it anyway'?
Are you married to your mom? Sound like you are. Yta.
Probably not my place but this is the internet at the end of the day. Please tell your mum to stop having so many kids, especially since she is struggling to manage the ones that she has and clearly has a lot of medical issues, not to forgot your dad is most likely having an affair with a person half her age. I think mummy is getting jealous of your wife so is demanding attention as she’s clearly not getting it from her husband. YTA.
YTA, you now have a wife to take care of and you dropped her like a rock
Your comment about the baby being gone so no point in you staying is the most despicable thing I’ve read in a while - the baby was gone but your wife was right there!!!
I was waiting for you to say that you had no one to leave your two small kids with while being with your wife because your family is in shambles, but nope. You prioritized your mother over your extremely vulnerable wife after she begged you to set boundaries with your family. YTA, no way around it. Time to cut the apron strings.
YTA, and your wife will probably be your ex-wife soon. This situation has shown me that you really don't care about your wife and what she is going through. Your mom should be old enough to know better and should have divorced your dad long ago. Sad excuse, IMO that you don't care about or love your wife enough to be with her in the hospital. YTA, and this is unacceptable and unforgivable, IMO, and you will probably be single in the near future so that you can go be with your mom.
You Are Definitely TAH and Worse. You are a Horrible and disgusting husband. WOW
Babies having babies and no idea how to adult. YTA
YTA. So you went to grieve the loss of your wife’s pregnancy with your mom, leaving your wife who actually lost the pregnancy without any support and you think that somehow you’re not TA? How do you figure that? Your wife is right. Your mom is a grown up. She is choosing to stay and get pregnant your dad over and over who is definitely a horrible person. And she’s choosing to have riskier and riskier pregnancies (44 is considered very much a geriatric pregnancy and super risky) with a man she isn’t even sure isn’t cheating. These are all choices she has made. You don’t need to step in and save her from her own choices at every turn. She also has 6 other kids, at least a handful of which are adults and can also help but she seems to lean solely on you for all her physical and emotional needs. She is basically grooming you to be a replacement for her POS husband. That’s called enmeshment and it’s abuse. And it’s now affecting your relationship with your wife. You need to put distance between yourself and your mom and lay down some boundaries. Running off to your mom’s beck and call the moment she needs you and abandoning your wife who just suffered a pregnancy loss is exactly why you need these boundaries.
Wow…. You suck. Major YTA. Just because you couldn’t “do” anything doesn’t mean your wife didn’t need you. You left her there alone.
YTA
Mama’s boy. You are married to your mom, not your wife. Hope she gets a better husband one day because it’s definitely not you.
Your father is a disgusting excuse of a father, as well as a husband, and you sure didn't fall far from the tree, being a disgusting excuse of a husband.
YTA. It's time for you to cut the umbilical cord with your mother. Your wife needed you and you chose your mother. I hope your marriage can survive this.
Yes! Yes you are
Easy YTA
A little dense, are we?
Yes YTA you don’t deserve to have a wife. You are your mom’s pseudo-husband. Yuck
Edit to add: you’re just like your father.
Where on your list of priorities does your wife fall? Last? That's what you just told her so that you could go back to your mom's house.
YTA & a shitty excuse for a husband. You sound a lot like your father. Doesn't care about the woman who carries, births, and cares for his children, just what he considers more important. What an asshole.
You leave your wife while she is miscarrying to go "clean". Are you sure you don't have a "secretary" too?
Well I hope you like living with mommy and daddy and playing husband and daddy with mommy because I think your wife finally sees what she married and when she boots your ass out mommy’s house will be where you will be living. That’s completely beyond disgusting what you did. You basically told her your mom was more important than her. YTA
So what? Your always going to run to mommies side every time she calls or needs you?
Your mother is an adult and a grown women and she is the one who is accountable for her own choices.
She chooses to stay with a trash husband and keep popping out his kids. Why are you always running to fix her problems?
Who's husband are you? Your moms or your wife's?
Your a massive AH for leaving your wife at the hospital while going through the one of the most traumatic, scary and emotional times of her life.
Stop telling yourself that there was nothing you could do and you felt helpless so that's why you decided to leave. Your just convincing yourself to make yourself feel better.
Despite that you couldn't do anything medically, you could have done plenty emotionally, mentally and physically by just being there, assuring your wife and providing comfort.
Keep up running to your moms side and believe me, you will lose your marriage.
He can't even bother to respond to anyone. He's the poster child of AH
Seriously, OP. Of course, YTA. Did you really even need to ask? Your poor wife. She’s stuck with you for a husband.
YTA - shouldn’t be married if you’re still attached to mommy; I word it this way bc you really need to see a therapist. This was cruel. Divorce is in your near future dude. I’d never ever ever in a billion years abandon my wife during a miscarriage. Like that’s just messed up.
You are DEFINITELY the AH!! Get back to your wife and tell your mom to deal with her own life and get rid of her useless husband (your dad) and definitely STOP having kids with him! You sound like you are doing the same to your wife that your dad does to your mom. Smarten up and be there for your devastated wife who just had a miscarriage. Stop having kids until you understand that your wife should be able to rely on you and expect you to be there during this difficult time rather than you running to your mommy!!!
You need serious therapy. You sound totally enmeshed with your mom, likely because she had you when she was 19 and has had so many kids since and has an abusive husband and health problems and has overly relied on you. You’re an adult with your own wife and family now. Get a therapist and stop this codependency.
Are you YOURE mom husband or YOURE wife, while you may have felt hopeless, imagine how she felt. YOURE HER HUSBAND! YOU'RE MOTHER continued to have more kids knowing she was hurting just from cleaning. She should've gone on birth control. YOURE THE ASSHOLE!!! I Hope you're WIFE leaves you!
YTA. Your marriage will never recover from this.
Of course YTA. Why didn't your sister stay with your mom and you go with your wife?
No worries, she probably will during the divorce.
YTA. Wtf is wrong with you! You’re mom is a grown ass woman who is capable of knowing this pregnancy would be high risk. She is your father’s responsibility,(if anyones) if he’s being dog shit, not your problem. If I were your wife, I’ll be calling a divorce attorney.
What a stupid question. YTA
Gross. So maybe your mother needs to stop having babies if it’s bad for her health. Your wife needs to run far away from the misogyny while she can, before she is forever trapped. You need to get therapy and undo the damage the mormon church must have done, if you can’t see YTA without asking the internet.
YTA. You should have been there for your wife.
YTA, how could you even think that abandoning your wife, who is losing YOUR child, for your mother who CHOSE to have a 7th kid in her 40s despite having medical complications from the last 2 is the better option. Who is your number 1 priority? Your nuclear family (wife and kids), or your extended family (mom, siblings, etc)? If it's not your nuclear family, you need to reset your priorities as you are FAILING as a husband and father.
Your mom chose to become pregnant again despite the health issues. Your wife did not choose to have a miscarriage.
So let me be clear you and your wife had a miscarriage. You felt as if you couldn't help as she was bleeding being admitted. You decided the best thing to do in a horribly traumatic experience was go play savior. You abandoned your wife and seemingly the miscarriage doesnt matter to you or upset you either
…..wow. Really? YTA in literally every single person’s eyes on the planet.
YTA and just as bad as you say your dad is since you abandoned your wife when she was grieving and going through such a heartbreaking and horrible ordeal. It was your job and responsibility to be there and protect and support her and you failed miserably. I would not be surprised if this was the final nail in the coffin of your marriage. I feel so sad for your wife.
Surely this cannot be real.
Whooo … YTA. Wow.
YTA - Massively. I don’t know if you truly understand that, but your baby died inside of your wife’s body. She lost her baby. And instead of being with her and giving her the emotional support she needs and to grieve together - as parents - you went to help and „grieve“ with your mother? Your dad may have an affair, but your mother has a sonsband who does everything and gives a shit about his own wife, so much he leaves her alone during the loss of her child.
The baby wasn’t „gone“, your wife was still actively miscarrying, the baby was still there. And you left her behind to help your mother because you felt helpless and your mom was in more pain due to what your father said about your and your wife’s baby than your own wife and the mother who was miscarrying?
What the fuck is wrong with you dude?! I seriously hope she doesn’t do the same mistake your mother does and leaves you fucking ass far behind her.
I really can’t get over it.
Your baby died and you left your wife alone in her pain and grieve to „help“ your mother and grieve with her instead?!
You say you felt helpless, what do you think how your wife, the mother of this child, felt?!
Honestly, do you even like her?! I mean, it’s obvious you don’t love her, but you seem to actually hate and despise her to do such a cruel thing to her.
YTA. You don’t have to DO anything. Just be there for your wife. Reassuring your partner that you’re there for her is priceless and you are screwing this up unforgivably.
Also, stop stepping in for your father.
YTA and the LDS is a sexist racist cult
YTA. You seriously left your wife alone in the hospital while she was going through a miscarriage because you cared more about consoling your mother after your father said nasties things to your mom about your wife?
Your wife should not only be mad at you, but question whether someone who chooses their mother’s hurt feeling over their wife who’s having a miscarriage is good husband material.
YTA The title proves it. Do not even need to read your pathetic excuses. SHAME ON YOU, OP!
Holy shit dude. YTA. If it's so bad, kick your father out. Your mother is an adult and can advocate for herself. If she doesn't want to leave your father when she obviously has the means to (extensive familial support) then that is on her.
What the fuck is wrong with you?
YTA. The baby was gone, but your wife was there and needed the comfort of your presence. It sounds like you left because being with your mother would make you feel better, rather than because your mother needed you urgently. It sounds like your wife has been very understanding of you supporting your mother during her pregnancy but just wanted you to realise she also needs support. You are quick to criticise your father’s treatment of your mother, but perhaps you are more like him than you realise if you can be so callous as to leave your wife in such a situation.
YTA here. You have adult siblings who should have been able to give some support while your wife miscarried. If I were your wife, I would say no more children after your lack of support during this. It’s pretty obvious in your post that she didn’t want to be self-sufficient during her pregnancy.
I just read the title and yta! Omg!! The fact that you had to ask shines a spotlight on some serious serious enmeshment. Hopefully, your wife learned a painful lesson from this, that she should never rely on you! For anything, ever. I am so sad for your wife. Wow.
You know, that baby was yours too!!!!!!! YTA and you need to stop trying to be your dad for your mom. My goodness
Yeah. Knobhead.
YTA Time to cut the umbilical cord. Your wife and children are your priority now, not your mommy.
YTA. You don’t leave your bleeding wife at the hospital. You stay there for comfort and even better understanding. You should be there for each other first, everyone else comes second, your parents are in the second to third category.
YTA - Whose fire is going on and is the worst? Who literally just lost a child? Who isn't putting his wife first and standing up for his wife? i would divorce you. Your mom got pregnant at 44. That's her choice, take care of your wife.
So much an ass. You may not feel it yet and may never feel it as deeply, but she has suffered the death of your child. Your absence can be construed as your blaming your wife for the death. Your wife is grieving. You have a lot of family members and your father needs to grow up and be a husband to his wife. As do you. If neither of you can manage that, stop popping off babies.
YTA. Such a huge asshole. Tell your mom to stop fucking. Fuck you.
YTA. Your mom is an adult. If she is having issues in her marriage, she's the one who has to solve them or get a divorce. Your wife should be your number one priority. This situation screams enmeshment.
YTA and so is your dad for making his wife get pregnant over and over and over again because his religion says she has to even though it’s killing her.
Ps I hope you’d wife divorces you. You are a useless husband.
YTA. She deserves a man who loves her the way a husband should love his wife.
YTA, the baby was gone but your wife was still there. Your parents sound like a hot mess that you cannot solve. What you can do is be there for your wife and kids and not devolve into a hit mess.
OP, do better.
Like father like son. Take a hard look at yourself and ask yourself who you really want to be.
You left your wife at the hospital to go grieve the loss of your baby with your mother? While your wife is actively losing the baby? But it’s cool, your wife can grieve alone because she’s “self-sufficient” while your mom seems to need constant attention. YTA. You think your dad is a monster? Look inward.
Yeah YTA. and a mommas boy. Your WIFE was miscarrying your CHILD and you just disappeared. Completely inexcusable. Is that what a supportive spouse does? Are you trying to become like your father?
YTA, I see you cowardly deleting your post any minute now.
YTA - your wife lost your child. And she has been expressing to you for months prior to this that you are being negligent in your marriage towards her by prioritizing your mom constantly.
It is called emotional abandonment. At that time your wife just needed you to be there for her and you couldn’t even do that for her.
Look up Matthew 19:5-6. Your mom needs to find someone else to help out and this was not the time. Where are you other adult siblings ? Her siblings? I understand she is struggling but it is affecting your marriage.Maybe your wife isn’t self sufficient so much by choice but because you are forcing her to be.
YTA. Go get therapy before u turn into y dad.
YTA, you sound so heartless and uncaring to your own wife. Why would you leave your wife at a vulnerable, emotional time? You sound like a terrible husband for blantaly ignoring your wife needs when she's spoken to you about how she felt. You left your grieving wife to go grieve with your mother. Did you not think about how your wife would feel?
YTA, I didn’t even need to read it. That first line summed it up
Yta big time. Mommy's boy.
Just because you can't PHYSICALLY fix something doesn't mean you can't, I dunno, EMOTIONALLY SUPPORT YOUR POOR WIFE. Fucking hell, dude, your mum is in a shitty situation, I get it, but YOUR WIFE JUST LOST A BABY SHE WANTED AND YOU ABANDONED HER.
Best thing she could do for herself right now is shed the dead weight, since that's all you are right now.
YTA
YTA.
Your mother’s problems are hers and your father’s to deal with. That’s who your mother is married to - not you.
You, however, are married to your wife, whom you impregnated then abandoned at her most painful and vulnerable time. Not to mention dangerous - she could have had complications.
It sounds as if you suffer from parental espousal by your mother. That’s a hideous form of abuse, but you are adult now. It’s time to divorce mommy and be a husband to your wife. If you will or can not, then please let your wife go, so she may be able to find the person who will love and deserve her.
You're parents abusive marriage is their issue, not yours. As harsh as it may sound, you did a horrible thing by leaving your wife, who's also mourning the loss of her pregnancy. YOUR WIFE. The one you chose to marry and start your own family. If your mother is having all those problems, she should've considered not having more pregnancies. There's only so much you can do, and their business is not an excuse. Place boundaries and support your wife. No one, absolutely no one is responsible for their decisions, only themselves.
“I feel like my wife likes being self sufficient and I don’t do well when there’s problems I can’t solve.”
Wow dude. How about you listen to her directly communicating that she NEEDS. And you can solve moms problems but not be around for wife’s?
I feel soooooo sorry for your wife. Poor thing is stuck having to raise two kids without your help AND she is going through the emotional trauma of losing a very wanted pregnancy alone. You are clearly more interested in being a husband to your mother and a father to your siblings than a husband to your wife and children. It’s actually a pretty gross dynamic.
Jeezus, YTA.
Wow! YTA times a billion! Is your mom pregnant by you too bc if there isn’t full incest going on, there’s definitely emotional incest. Your mom is also the ass. She should know better than calling you away from your wife like that.
YTA, You have other siblings that could have helped your mum, you should have been there for your wife during that traumatic time. Get a grip
YTA 100%. She was going through a deeply traumatic event and you left her to deal with it alone. She will never forget that.
This is like a wild Jerry Springer Show.
YTA As a mom, I would NEVER EVER EVER expect one of my kids to leave their partner in the middle of expelling their dead baby to come comfort me because I was crying on the phone. Shame on you, Shane on your mom, shame on your dad, JFC.
YTA, you LEFT your wife at the hospital having a miscarriage. Wow wow wow that is some stone cold cruelty. You say your father is an unfeeling person, and the apple sure didn’t fall far from that tree. Jesus fuck I hope your poor wife can heal enough to eventually find someone who loves her, poor thing.
YTA. Was that a serious question?
YTA. Hopefully wife wises up and divorces you.
Holy shit dude you are AH 💯. I can’t believe you left your wife in the hospital while she was miscarrying your child to go be by your mommy’s side.
YTA
Your place is by your wife. The only exception would be if your mommy was pregnant with your child. Was your mommy pregnant with your child?
YTA
YTA, i hope your wife divorces your momma’s boy ass.
YES!!!! YOU ARE THE BIG ASSHOLE HERE!!! Holy shit man cut the cord already!!! You are not your moms slave! And your own family needs you! Also tell your dad to stay off your mom jfc.
YTA plan and simple. No matter the issues are with your mom and dad your wife is the priority here
YTA
I hope this is ragebait.
If not, then I hope his wife leaves him. That way he can devote all his time to his mother /s
I feel bad for all of you, but yes, it was wrong of you to leave your wife's side at that moment.
YTA. You should never prioritize anyone above your wife. I hope to hell you have to go through something as horrendous as a miscarriage and your wife leaves your sorry ass by your self to deal with it. Also, your mother is an adult, she should have prevented getting pregnant with all her medical issues.
YTA. Of course she's upset, you've made your priorities clear. Sounds like she needs to start considering getting a lawyer.
Yes for sure. Have some shame.
YTA
Congratulations! It sounds like you’ve grown up to be just like your daddy.
YTA your wife was in the hospital and needed you. It isn’t her fault your family is a disaster. I would be furious - especially that your mom chose to have another baby when she is in an abusive relationship with multiple health problems from the last pregnancy. That’s a signal to most people that it’s time to stop having babies. I’m sure that was also the opinion of your mom’s doctors. It absolutely gives your wife the right to be furious that you are putting your mom’s needs before her needs. A miscarriage after the first trimester is major and you shouldn’t have to be told that your wife was your first and only priority.
YTA
Your wife lost YOUR baby and you weren’t there when you could’ve been
I would divorce you if you had done that to me!
I would not even discuss it with you ore try to find a solution!
YTA - your poor wife! You need boundaries with your mother and your mother needs birth control!
YTA. You abandoned your wife at the worst possible moment. You left her alone to go through a miscarriage, to grieve alone. You chose your mom to grieve with, rather than your wife! The one actually miscarrying! Your mom might have a bad husband, but so does your wife.
YTA - You need to put your wife 1st.
YTA YTA YTA crying will only strengthen your mother’s lungs. Also if she has health problems with her babies she maybe needs to reconsider keeping having children especially if your pregnant wife had to help her.
YTA, I would never forgive my husband if he had left me when I was miscarrying our child, I don't know about your wife but I had to deliver our child and it was one of the worse days of my life but my husband was there the whole time just to support me. Unbelievable that you did this but to then question whether you were an AH is mind blowing.
YTA and not in a position to insult your father because you are a pitiful husband who is not even capable of taking care of his wife in one of her worst traumas
Your dad can’t be that disgusting if she’s still procreating with him. YTA. And so is your mom and dad.
YTA I can only hope this is not true and this guy is not this clueless. And this entire family is a mess. If his dad is having an affair why the hell has mom had 2 young kids in less than 2 years.
Wow, aren't you special. If I am your wife, you would be living with mom and dad from now on.
Your mom pumped out how many kids who could be with her, who prioritized their own families, but you prioritized her over your wife who only has you? YTA
Creative writing assignment 'Come up with a story of the worst human being, but try to make them self righteous and believable"
Your setup and characterization is good, this character your created is pretty loathsome. But you failed in that they really are not believable. I like the details tossed in, but the one about LDS just seemed gratuitous and unnecessary to the backstory.
YTA, your WIFE needed you and you abandoned her
YTA This has to be fake, has to be. There's no way this is real. You've been absolutely no help to your wife during her pregnancy because you were so focused on your mother and her pregnancy. Now, when your wife needs you the most, you were comforting your mother instead. You said you weren't with your wife because you felt like you had no use, but that comfort you were giving your mother, you should have been giving that to your wife. Helping her through the physical and emotional pain she was going through. She went through all of that by herself.
Yta. You left your wife to go see your mom. Your mom isn’t single she has your dad. If she needed help specially knowing your wife was in the hospital she should have called your dad. Your responsibility was to be with your wife.
Let's hope your wife takes necessary steps now she knows you don't give a darn about her. YTA.
How could you not be the AH in this? You weren’t there for your wife in a painful situation to help her through it.
I feel heartbroken for your wife. How could you think leaving her during what is possibly the worst day of her life was okay?!?!
Bro YTA- Me Me Me is all I read. It's not about you or how useful you feel In a situation. It's about supporting your wife. So selfish.
Majorly
What is your mom grieving that supersedes being there for your wife as she loses your child?
Absolutely YTA. I haven't enough words.
So your father treats his own pregnant wife poorly… do you see any similarities? Think about it.
YTA and you need to stop involving other women in your life when you really want to just spend the rest of your life with your mother. If your wife is smart, she's already making plans to leave you.
YTA, you are married to your wife, not your mother. Your wife is going through a devastating experience, and the man she married and the father of the baby is too worried about his mother to be there for her. I wouldn't be surprised if she divorces you after this massive betrayal, so I suggest you get comfy living with your mum.
Your wife deserves a loving partner who is there to support her in the good and the bad times. She has just lost your child and you don't care. So what if your dad is sleeping with his secretary, that's for your mum to deal with.
Updateme!
I will message you next time u/Throwawayodeg posts in r/AITAH.
Click this link to also be messaged. The parent author can delete this post
YTA. You have to ask?
Of course YTA, and YTA for asking. Your wife is miscarrying and you have to go help your upset mother? Are you fucking kidding me?
I Hope this is Fake but if not you are the biggest YTA. Luckily I don't need to explain why because the other comments did it for me.
So you abandoned your wife during a miscarriage. Enable your mother who cannot take care of herself to keep having children she also cannot take care of? Sir, how did you type all of this out and not recognize that you are the problem?
ESH
Get out of the cult!
I can see another post in a few months… my wife miscarried and now we’re getting a divorce!!!
YTA and your mom is as well. Who in the world calls during a miscarriage to whine about herself? Your wife should have been your priority no matter what
JFC you are a terrible husband. Don't try to have any more kids with your wife. She needs a man not a mommas boy.
YTA
YTA and a Momma’s boy!
YTA. A huge one. You should have put your wife’s grief way before your mothers comfort.
So you felt helpless sitting next to your wife and waiting but couldn't phantom how your wife was feeling while waiting for the miscarriage. Honestly you are a D. I'm sorry about the miscarriage but it's high time you set some priorities. Your parents are adults who have full control over their own actions. While they will need your help, you should at least prioritise your family when unexpected losses happen. You abandoned your wife so how about you get your ass to her and hold her while apologising cause she could use the support.
YTA
I hope your wife reads this and is smart enough to find herself a better husband. You are a terrible mamas boy.
This has to be a troll. If not, dude you are a terrible husband and father and a total AH.
YTA- You can’t help those that don’t want to be helped which in this case its your mother. Why is she in this marriage? Why is she having more kids when she clearly cannot take care of the ones she has?
OP, you are a married father. Your wife and kids ALWAYS comes first. You are the only one who helps because everyone else realizes this.
YTA. Your wife is your first priority and not your mom. Your kids come next. Tell your mom to stop getting PG from her AH husband too. She is 44 with a slew of health issues that complicates pregnancy. You are failing as a husband by not prioritizing her.
YTA, there is nothing more to say.
YTA. Your wife should be your priority. Instead you abandoned her. Your wife was in the hospital, bleeding, and having a miscarriage of your child! Where were you? You were comforting YOUR mother! I can’t believe you don’t realize what a gigantic AH you are. YTA. Honestly, after this don’t be surprised if you get divorce papers.
YTA- what would your response be if your abusive father left your mother to deal with a miscarriage alone? You would hate him for that too, and go “rescue” your mother. You did exactly what your father does, abandon his wife.
Your mother is 44yrs old, and has chosen to be pregnant by an abusive man, while dealing with health issues. Your mother (obviously) has a supportive extended family, and could leave the situation she’s in if she wanted to. By continuing to enable her, by being her surrogate husband, you are pushing your wife away, and abandoning her in her times of need.
YTA, you were a complete A-H to your wife during a traumatic medical event. There is no excuse for leaving her alone at the hospital.
No excuse.
God, I hope she leaves you and finds someone who’ll actually care about her welfare.
God damn! Here's why birth control was invented!
“Yet during her pregnancy she has been very upset and made comments about me always being there […..] I feel like my wife likes being self sufficient and I don’t do well when there’s problems I cannot solve.”
Your wife is asking you to be with her, she obviously doesn’t like being self sufficient and you’re forcing her to be by prioritizing your mother for some reason.
YTA. You admit your siblings were there with your mom while your wife was miscarrying and you wanted to “go grieve” with your mother instead of WITH YOUR WIFE who was literally experiencing it ALONE. You didn’t need to do anything but be present for her, to hold her hand or cry with her.
Your father is abusive and you cannot change that by being there for your mother over the woman you pledged to love and support when you married her.
You need to sort out your priorities before your wife decides to leave you to be your mom’s special boy without her.
YTA your an to mummy to support her being upset over your wife's miscarriage and her pos husband being a pos. Your mum needs to wake up and realise she's a baby making machine to a sexist church. You need to be there for your wife where she deals with the trauma of losing your baby
Being there for family is great, but not at the cost of your own relationship. Your wife should always be #1, especially during a time as this. And your mother is an adult and needs to be more responsible. Knowing she had pregnancy issues prior to this, what the heck is she doing getting pregnant again? At 44! Whether your dad is a jerk or not, she's HIS responsible, NOT yours. So yes, you ARE a ginormous AH.
YTA
Youre the son, not the husband. When did you get used to take over this role? Youre justifying your action by pointing out how vulnerable your mother is and how shitty your father. But it is still not youre role and responsibility taking over your fathers role. Your sister could have stayed with your mother.
If I would be your wife I would simply divorce you.
YTA your wife was in the hospital losing a child. Your mom was upset. Not the same. Also, yes it’s good to be there for your mom but your wife takes precedence. Your mom has multiple children and a husband(and Ben if he sucks). Your wife has you. Do better.
YTA. Your wife comes first.
YTA and you’ve proved to your wife that you will not choose her and your kids over other people.
Your wife has to come first
YTA you never put anyone above your spouse. Never.
Have you thought of birth control?
Like everyone else is rightly saying YT. No matter how many lame and I do mean lame excuses you tried to put in this post of yours you left your wife while she was miscarrying your child. I hope she divorces your sorry ass.
You going to hell ma boy
YTA you should have been there for your wife. Your mom needs to handle her situation herself. I could understand if your wife wasn’t miscarrying but WTH if I was your mom I would have told you to stay with your wife.
YTA, you wife has to go through that traumatizing event by herself. That’s horrible. Personally I’d divorce over that. I get your mother sick, don’t understand if she’s been ill why she’s having another child. The LDS church thing does explain a lot of things.
Also not scare you, but it is has been recently found out a lot of autoimmune health issues are actually genetic. So if you start having any symptoms in yourself of kids, get to a doctor.
I am even surprised you posted this on here, cause even though it’s an explanation you feel is ok, other won’t. Just wow
YTA who leaves his wife alone while having a miscarriage. that is horrendous and that you don’t get it worrisome
YTA a massive one at that!!
Your mom has other children who could be with her and she wasn’t having a medical situation.
Your wife has one husband and she needed you.
You can’t always solve problems. Sometimes all you can do is be with somebody so they’re not alone. And grieve with them. You tapped out on being there with your wife during a loss.
You think YOU felt helpless? How do you think your wife felt?
Man up. Be present for your wife during hard times.
YTA.
YTA You can’t be serious? You honestly thought there wasn’t anything for you to do at the hospital? You don’t think your wife needed you to be there and grieve with her? It wasn’t your mother’s loss. You have really messed up and you don’t even seem to acknowledge it. I don’t know how your wife will ever forgive you. Your mom is an adult and has stayed with your asshole father and had 6 children with him, I think you could’ve managed another day.
YTA. Stick by your wife
Updateme
YTA.
Though your father is a bigger AH.
Your mother is trapped in a controlling cult and probably shouldn’t continue to procreate if it causes her to be entirely unable to care for herself, though I suspect that’s your father’s decision.
Help your mom escape and be there for your wife who just lost your fucking child.
I would divorce you over this regardless of my church's teachings.
Good lord, reading this was exhausting. Your dad sounds shitty.
YTA. Wow, dude. You're just like your dad, and I hope your wife divorces you.
YTA You prioritized your mother over your wife while she was having a miscarriage. Big time ah
YTA. your wife was in the hospital losing your child and you chose your mother’s tears over the situation over the person living it. and if your mom had such health issues she should have never gotten pregnant again, staying with a man who cheats on her and treats her like crap, her poor decisions (and your poor decisions) is leaving your wife with out a husband. all i see here is talking about what your mother is going through (even though half of it is her own fault) what about your wife who just traumatically lost a child is going through? your poor wife my heart breaks for her.
YTA. You're too enmeshed with your mommy and her issues You're a useless failure as a husband. If my husband did what you did, he would have returned from Mommy's house to divorce papers.
You're so worried about your grown ass mommy thst your wife comes 2nd? Fine, go be Mommy's boy at her house PERMANENTLY. YTA and clueless, selfish, useless one at that
Honestly….I stopped trying to understand this whole BS when I read LDS (pssst, it’s a CULT) any kind of religion that interferes with your overall lives..YUCK!! sure have another baby mom…it will fix everything!!!!! and you sir are MORE than an asshole….an asshole at least has a function!!!!
YTA- you should be ashamed of yourself. I’d divorce you. This feels like bait though.
Yes, you are. And get a vasectomy for goodness sake.
YTA
This is some creepy Mormon emotional incest.
Damn there is no good choice in this but the best choice is to be with your wife. You mom needs help but honestly your wife needs more.
nta. you’re mom needed help and it’s a tough decision to choose between your mom and wife, but at the end of the day your mom will always be there for you.
Eww.
NTA but definitely in a tight spot