LELO SILA REVIEW | CLITORAL VIBRATOR (BLOG)
I came in under 30 seconds.
No…see, I don’t think you understand; UNDER 30 SECONDS! My pussoir never even stood a chance.
I need to get the pleasantries out of the way before I speak too much because I am READY to become a LELO evangelist at this point.
Hello there, my esteemed guests and welcome to Scotty’s Fancy Blogs, the fanciest sexual wellness blog on earth. This week I’m bringing you this LELO Sila review, so if you’re new here, hi, my name is Scotty Unfamous and I am a multi award-winning erotic romance author and your new fave Sexfluencer. If you’re a returning member of the Haus of Unfamous family, WELCOME BACK B*TCH! *dab*
This week I experienced the ethereal SenSonic touch of luxury sex toy brand, LELO’s new release, Sila -issa clit sucker! In my previous blog post I tested their Soraya Wave Rabbit Vibrator, and I was so impressed that I’ve literally engaged in solo sex with absolutely nothing else. I’m also a big fan of the Sona Cruise, so when the Sila arrived on my doorstep I was curious to see if this clitoral suction toy could live up to the hype of its predecessors.
If you’re joining the Haus of Unfamous for the first time, this is how my reviews go; I’ll run you through the specs of the toy, let you know how I found it, give you my final thoughts and round it off with my 5 star rating system. The tea is steamy and ready for sipping, so let’s get into it.
LELO Sila clitoral vibrator
Specifications
8 sonic wave intensity settings using LELO’s SenSonic technology, which sends pulsations throughout your entire vulva
Wider mouth to accommodate a range of anatomies and stimulate the entire clitoris
Whisper quiet
Made from extra soft premium body-safe Silicone and ABS plastic
100% Waterproof
USB rechargeable (2 hours of charging gives you up to 2 hours of play)
Comes in Pink, Lilac and Aqua
STANDBY TIME: Up to 90 days
SIZE: 80 x 75 x 35 mm / 3.1 x 2.9 x 1.4 In
1 year warranty
LELO’s packaging and product design is a bougie heaux’s dream. Matte black, gold foil accents, clean lines and golden hardware all made from premium quality materials is a LELO staple. Along with your Sila you also get a storage bag (as always, we love to see it), a USB charging cable, your user manual and warranty card.
My Experience
For the past week or so, I haven’t engaged in solo sex. I’ve been having really amazing coitus with Mr recently (he made me squirt and I can’t stop talking about it at any given chance, apparently) and he seemed to be the only thing my body responded to. No matter how much I tried to get myself into self-love mode, it just wasn’t working. For days I sat staring at the Sila, imagining all of the ways I could treat myself to some luxury LELO induced orgasms, but whenever it came time to pick it up, I nodded off without so much as a hand in my satin pyjama shorts. It was so sad. Perfectly normal, but sad. But I had to get this review done, so I employed the set steps of my self-love routine that I knew would get me into heaux-mode, readied my new weird porn fixes (I’m into watching frottage porn right now…it’s when guys rub their diques together…I have no idea how I ended up here) and applied loads of ‘personal moisturiser’ (still funny).
I’d left it charging overnight, taken by the soft pink glow it emitted as it prepared to meet its destruction…my pussoir…that sounds violent, but I just meant jizz. Now it sounds gross. It’s fine. The point is, I charged it. I then baptised it with some soap and water in my sink because you should ALWAYS wash your toys before your first use, before slipping into bed with the Sila clutched in my curious hands.
Woman holding LELO Sila clitoral vibrator
Once my weird porn clips had me sufficiently aroused, I held down the power button for a few seconds and it came to life. My first thought was, ‘This is pretty quiet.’ Quiet toys are always a mood, especially if you live with other people. The circular design fits easily into your palm and it’s comfortable to navigate the (+) speed, (()) power and (-) speed controls without having to fiddle around aimlessly, hoping for the best. The thing I noticed most about the Sila was the size of the suction cup -it’s the largest one I’ve seen on a sex toy and my immediate thought was that they made it more accommodating for vulva owners with larger clitorises, so if you do have an abundant clit, there’s room to play.
The moment it made contact with my clit I knew I wouldn’t be able to hold out for long. I pressed the (+) button once. Twice. Then…just like that, it was over. In less than 30 seconds, Sila met its destruction…I’m going to stop saying that lol, not just because it’s weird but also *falls to my knees dramatically with a single dramatic tear falling slowly in a dramatic way* it was Sila that destructed me *wails with dramatic drama dramatically*.
I DIDN’T EVEN GET THE CHANCE TO TRY ANOTHER SETTING. LELO, can you get off of my neck, please? This top flight clit sucker is not for the weak (it me, I am the weak).
LELO Sila clitoral vibrator
Final Thoughts
I’m still in shock that after over a week of struggling to masturbate, the Sila finished me in less than 30 seconds. LELO, you were just made to win, that has to be the answer. Success is your destiny and we are but fools to think we are the masters in this game of sex toys and orgasms.
Great packaging and product design, easy to use, lovely and quiet, USB rechargeable and a storage bag. I would even say that the Sila is a step up from their Sona Cruise (and b*tch, THAT is a good f*cking toy). I have no qualms, not even with the price, which comes in at £159. This may be a bit steep for some of you, so don’t feel pressured to buy it (also don’t forget Christmas is around the corner so now would be a good time to drop hints to potential gift givers), but if this is within your price range then baby, TREAT YO’SELF!
As for my 5 star rating system, it’s a solid 5 out of 5. The sh*t is just GOOD!
If you would like to get your very own LELO Sila, click here.
And to LELO, once again, it has been an absolute pleasure working with you…literally lol.