Why we need to invent new words

Do not be afraid to make up your own words. English teachers, dictionary publishers and that uptight guy two cubicles over who always complains about the microwave being dirty, they will all tell you that you can't. They will bring out the dictionary and show you that the word isn't there – therefore it doesn't exist. Don't fall for this. The people who love dictionaries like to present these massive tomes as an unquestionable authority, just slightly less than holy. But they're not. A dictionary is just a book, a product, no different from Fifty Shades of Grey and only slightly better written. But you must be careful. Every new word must be crafted. It has to have a purpose, a need. A new word cannot be created with a fisted bash to a keyboard. Like every other word in the language, your new word should be a mashup of pre-existing words. You can steal bits from Latin and German, like everybody else did. Or you can use contemporary English in a new way. But you must capture something that already exists, which for whatever reason has been linguistically mismanaged. Here is an example:

Blursing noun When an event, gift, or circumstance presents qualities and consequences that are simultaneously positive and negative: Jenny was made partner but it was a blursing because her hours were so long that her husband left her.

Why not just say "curse and blessing"? Well, for one thing that is cumbersome. But more importantly, something that is both a curse and a blessing is different from a blursing. With a blursing the two qualities are indivisibly linked, and cannot be separated. There is no chance to dodge the curse and receive only the blessing. Tell me you haven't received a blursing. It is a situation we have all experienced, but for whatever reason have never had a word to properly describe it. Same with the next two words:

Cidiot noun Someone who has spent so long in a city they have lost the ability to perform tasks the rural population sees as outrageous common sense: First, he didn't slow down when it started to snow, then he turned away from the skid, not into it, and I had to tow him out of the ditch – what a cidiot!

Oprahcide verb To acquiesce to the theories of an expert, instead of trusting your own thoughts, opinions and personal experience: Billy is two, so I wasn't worried that he can't read until I read this article and oprahcided to send him to a specialist three times a week.

I oprahcide all the time. Don't you? I would say that since the mid-90s, oprahciding is how most of us make our decisions. There are numerous new experiences and behaviours that have come into our culture and need words to describe them. Think about computers. Skyping, googling, sexting: these are things we do every day. But even as I type this there is a red line underneath each of those words, telling me they don't exist. That red line is there because these words have been classified as slang. As far as I'm concerned, calling a word slang is the linguistic equivalent of using a racial slur. It is derogative, comes preloaded with assumptions and stereotypes, and prevents us from believing we have the authority to make up our own words. But who can argue that the words below don't describe something we've all experienced?

Digippear verb To use computer technology as a technique to avoid unwanted or feared issues and conversations: I tried to talk to him about his taxes but he digippeared into Facebook.

Overchill verb To use modern air-conditioning systems to excess, especially in offices: Yes, I know it's August and I'm wearing a cardigan, but they really overchill my cubicle.

Bironical adjective The ability or compulsion to appreciate something simultaneously on both a sincere and ironic level: David's appreciation of Tom Baker-era Doctor Who is very bironical.

Inventing new words is one of the most rebellious things you can do. We all live under a set of prescribed social assumptions, which are embedded into our words. If you want to think outside your social conditioning, you will need a new word to do it. Every word is a suitcase, into which we pack an idea, and then hand it to someone else. No suitcase: no handoff. Our society is changing, fast, and we need new words to describe it, such as:

Breadsinner noun A man experiencing guilt and shame because he stays home to raise the kids while his wife provides economically: We won't get Bill to come to Vegas with us because he's become a breadsinner.

Schadengayfreude noun Delight in the misfortune of gay couples who, once wed, experience the same trials as straight married couples. I know it's schadengayfreude, but it was kinda refreshing to see that Laura and Jane started bickering all the time after they got married.

It is easy to forget there was a time before dictionaries, when everything was less defined and words had a little more wiggle room. This kept the English language alive. Dictionaries turned the language from a house that we are all free to renovate, into a museum we are only allowed to look at. So go ahead, step over that velvet rope, make up your own words. Remember that somebody, a long time ago, made up every single word in this sentence.

What are your suggestions for useful new words?