Please allow me to introduce myself: my name is Barbara. I am a Baumatic dishwasher, and I am 5 human years old (in case you do not know, that is 30 in dishwasher years). I have a girth of 570mm x 445mm, and I am 870mm tall.

Once, my masters they made me feel shiny and new like a virgin. But their appetites became insatiable, and the more they hungered, the more dirty things they wanted to put inside me. Every dishwasher reaches its limits. And now they have Helga, a big-boned matron by Smeg. She cannot speak English and her door looks like the front grille of a rubbish truck, but she can fit many dirty things inside her. She is my nemesis now and in the small dark hours while I am washing, I plot her demise.

Aside from my murderous intent, I am kind, honest, loyal and hardworking. My door pulls open with smooth, well-oiled motion and I can do Rapid or Intensive, whichever you choose. Some might say I have too much energy, but in dishwasher circles this is considered a bonus. I seek a new master, modestly endowed with cutlery and crockery, to give me a good home.

Maybe this is you? I love you already. So pick me up, take me home and put your dirty things inside me.

Barbara