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How to Do the Work: Recognize Your Patterns, Heal from Your Past, and Create Your Self
As a clinical psychologist, Dr. Nicole LePera often found herself frustrated by the limitations of traditional psychotherapy. Wanting more for her patients—and for herself—she began a journey to develop a united philosophy of mental, physical and spiritual wellness that equips people with the interdisciplinary tools necessary to heal themselves. After experiencing the life-changing results herself, she began to share what she’d learned with others—and soon “The Holistic Psychologist” was born.
Now, Dr. LePera is ready to share her much-requested protocol with the world. In How to Do the Work, she offers both a manifesto for SelfHealing as well as an essential guide to creating a more vibrant, authentic, and joyful life. Drawing on the latest research from a diversity of scientific fields and healing modalities, Dr. LePera helps us recognize how adverse experiences and trauma in childhood live with us, resulting in whole body dysfunction—activating harmful stress responses that keep us stuck engaging in patterns of codependency, emotional immaturity, and trauma bonds. Unless addressed, these self-sabotaging behaviors can quickly become cyclical, leaving people feeling unhappy, unfulfilled, and unwell.
Now, Dr. LePera is ready to share her much-requested protocol with the world. In How to Do the Work, she offers both a manifesto for SelfHealing as well as an essential guide to creating a more vibrant, authentic, and joyful life. Drawing on the latest research from a diversity of scientific fields and healing modalities, Dr. LePera helps us recognize how adverse experiences and trauma in childhood live with us, resulting in whole body dysfunction—activating harmful stress responses that keep us stuck engaging in patterns of codependency, emotional immaturity, and trauma bonds. Unless addressed, these self-sabotaging behaviors can quickly become cyclical, leaving people feeling unhappy, unfulfilled, and unwell.
320 pages, ebook
First published March 9, 2021
About the author
Nicole LePera
19 books984 followersDr. Nicole LePera is a Holistic Psychologist who believes that mental wellness is for everyone. She evolved her more traditional training from Cornell University and The New School to one that acknowledges the connection between the mind and body.
Dr. LePera views mental and physical struggles from a whole person perspective and works to identify the underlying physical and emotional causes. She understands that balance is an integral part of wellness and empowers individuals to heal themselves, supporting them on their wellness journeys.
Dr. LePera founded the Mindful Healing Center in Center City Philadelphia. She recently expanded her work online creating a platform for teaching these often overlooked components of mental wellness to individuals and practitioners around the world.
Dr. LePera views mental and physical struggles from a whole person perspective and works to identify the underlying physical and emotional causes. She understands that balance is an integral part of wellness and empowers individuals to heal themselves, supporting them on their wellness journeys.
Dr. LePera founded the Mindful Healing Center in Center City Philadelphia. She recently expanded her work online creating a platform for teaching these often overlooked components of mental wellness to individuals and practitioners around the world.
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March 24, 2021
Conflicted. Earnest writing with some concerning content.
While this review is focused on what troubled me about this book, the 3 stars I chose to give are vibrant stars. Nicole appears to be an introspective person who has gone deep into her head and heart to unearth why she thinks, acts and behaves in the manner she does (and has historically). When this level of personal insight is met with a doctorate in clinical psychology, field experience, and excellent writing skills, the result can be a very powerful thing. After reading this book, I got the feeling that Nicole went on a journey of self-discovery and after many years of pain and struggle she came out beaming. And now she wants to share her process, knowledge and wisdom so that you too, can beam.
While this sounds good on paper and may be the driving force behind her work, I find it’s really not as easy and clean as that. My following critique is based on my intuition, which the book tells me to trust. The idea of being a self healer is valid, though I find the way it’s packaged in this book to be concerning. Yes, healing happens within the self, no one can do it for you, it is deeply personal, however, it simply does not happen on your own. I often felt mixed messages that led my intuition to have fears related to the power of this book and the impact that it could have on the vulnerable and impressionable people that read it. We are all vulnerable and impressionable in some ways I think (self included), and I believe folks drawn to self-help topics who are searching- sometimes desperate and longing, for ways to heal, grow and recover, deserve special attention. I found that Nicole would frequently say things like “you’re your own best healer” but I often found other unspoken messages to be present, messages like, I’m the teacher that can show you the way. This is the way to do the work. The more I read on the stronger that feeling got for me. After reading the book and sitting with my thoughts and feelings, the cover hammered it in. The title is “How to Do the Work” and it’s written in all caps in a pretty large font size, as is the author’s name. Hence, I got more confusing vibes. It made me think, So, I can be a self healer but you are shouting at me with this enormous font that doing the work means following you and what you have written? This is not me shaming anyone for the space they take up. Yes, Nicole and you and me and all of us, take up as much space as you want and feel you need, I’m giving an example of how my intuition stopped me and caused pause. There is no single book on doing the work and I found the title to be elitist. This planet is 4.5 billion years old, there are approximately 6500 languages spoken on earth, so many diverse cultures, various fields of science, do you really think that your content is what constitutes “the work”? A more fitting title to me seemed to be, “How I Did My Work.”
Dr. LePera has become hugely popular and with this fame comes responsibility. The millions of people that keep up with her on IG are literally called “followers” and that is powerful. In light of this power, I believe there needs to be (ethical) checks and balances of sorts in place, including a disclaimer stating from the author, this book is not therapy. It was written by a person who has a doctorate in clinical psychology (and is a retired therapist I gather), and is designed to help empower the reader to actualize growth and change using the *tips* she outlines but this does not = therapy. I found that not having a clear stance about therapy was like an elephant in the room. More confusing vibes. Without this clarity the focus on being a self healer felt like it was shaming to others who can’t be self healers on their own or through following Dr. LePera and may also need therapy. For example, the person who reads this book, tries to self heal and implement the tactics outlined but is still unhappy and may think, “What is wrong with me. Millions of people have read this work and can self heal, why can’t I? I’m such a _____.”
Additionally, there are power dynamics in play and I think mentioning and briefly discussing the complex topic of power differentials would have been important to include. Similarly, I think this book needs a more clarifying position from the author that her path is not necessarily the path to awakening for everyone. She does have a paragraph and “note on doing the work” but I found the sentence included to “…find your own version…” was not sufficient and needed more detail. It took courage to share the personal examples she did and doing so illuminated certain concepts and topics, I see the value in what Nicole shared. What I am saying is that without more clarity (or warning) at the get go and beginning of the book, someone who is impressionable with parallel family dynamics may read this book and feel hyper connected to Nicole and her story and think, I need to do x, y and z like her. She’s the doctor. I’m growing, choosing me, cutting off ties to my family and moving to California. The possibility of this felt scary to me. I felt worried about the potential damage it could cause to someone trying to “self heal.” I believe and know humans have agency, but to an audience of millions you can’t know where folks are on their path. Clarifying positions on certain topics are therefore critical in my opinion.
I also wonder if Nicole could have benefited from consulting and hiring a BIPOC mental health professional or colleague with a specialty in social justice and race, to read her book before it was published and have that person write a part in the beginning to the BIPOC community. Something like, “a note to the BIPOC reader.” Since Dr. Nicole does not seem or claim to be an expert on social justice or race, the times she mentions certain topics related to BIPOC issues felt disjointed, even if they were meant to be sincere.
My intuition had other moments of pause and alarm when I encountered something that didn’t feel right, and when reading certain things that didn’t seem true but were presented as truths. Page 25 “The reality is this: few of us have any real connection to who we really are, yet we want others to see through all of our layers of self-betrayal and into our core selves.” I have a big problem with the implications of this statement and find it to be loaded and simply untrue. Where is the data that shows only a few of us are connected to who we are and are you saying this is why we need your book (?) for you to show us the way? I felt scary underlying and hidden messages here. Page 29 “We are not evolutionarily wired for change.” I think we are. We may be creatures of habit who fear change but if we weren’t wired for it we could never have adapted and survived. That is central to evolution. Page 51 “Anytime an intrinsic need is denied, resentment soon follows.” Disagree. Sometimes a child may not feel seen or heard for lots of different reasons and I don’t think it automatically leads to resentment. (There is a thing called good enough parenting too, that would have been nice to see included.) Page 57 “Most of us did not have parent-figures who were able to identify, let alone regulate, their feelings.” Loaded statement again and I question the validity of this (not writing as a defensive parent here, I don’t have kids). Where is the data that shows most of us had parents like this? Page 96, last paragraph of the intermittent fasting part, “Anyone with a history of restricted eating patterns should not engage in this practice.” What if someone had anorexia 15 years ago and has not had restricted eating in the last 12 years? Your title and work are teaching us how to “recognize your patterns, heal from your past, + create your self,” so then, shouldn’t a person be able to heal from anorexia? (That whole fasting part was not helpful for lots of reasons.) Page 100 healing with movement and using yoga as the single focus. How about the low income person who works two jobs and can’t afford yoga (or sleep for 8 hours a day), why not include ideas like marching or running in place, or stretching- accessible content for wheelchair bound readers- as examples too. The point, things that don’t cost money and are accessible to different bodies. Chapter 10 on boundaries suggests avoiding using “you” language then the example given on 202 uses “you” six times. Page 212 language, “If you recognize yourself in this paragraph, I give you permission to put the book down, take a step away, and go back before continuing.” Give you permission- excuse me, what?! This language is in the reparenting chapter (!) and made me feel big control vibes. Page 217 “There have only been three times in my life when I honored my needs even though it meant that others would be hurt by my decision.” Nicole spent a whole chapter earlier telling us about boundaries and that having and enforcing them may hurt or disappoint others but show up for yourself and do them anyway, and gave examples of when she used them. A big premise of this book seemed to be specifically about how honoring one’s needs is something that with practice, can accumulate, and leads to change and growth. The statement that Dr. Nicole has done this “only” three times had martyr complex undertones to me.
Finally, the last chapter, I was quite excited to read it and for me it was a bum out. It discusses interdependence and I think that not including a section on service to others was a pretty huge missed opportunity. Giving back through volunteering and donating your time, resources and/or money to populations, causes and communities in need, and to organizations whose work resonates with you and that you want to support and see grow, are solid ways to establish connection to the collective “we.” Doing something that is *outside of yourself* can connect you to the “we” in a remarkably meaningful way. I felt like this chapter was more of an ego stroke to readers instead of a way to empower and inspire us to connect to matters that could truly advance the “we.”
Posting critical feedback on a platform like this, especially towards a female (I’m a woman too), is weird and uncomfortable because the person it’s directed at cannot respond and it would be cool if there could be a conversation between reviewers and authors. I do trust my intuition but I also know that confirmation bias is a real thing for many of us, and some of that feels present for me here. I decided to post this in case anyone could relate to my conflicted feelings and shares a similar tacit experience of the book. I felt mixed emotions after reading the book because some of the content is fantastic but other vibes were concerning. Using language from the book to summarize my concern, I’ll say that all in all, while there is good content, I worry there is potential for trauma bonds to be created or exacerbated between a vulnerable and impressionable reader (with a hero worshipper archetype possibly) to someone with strong features of a humanitarian who also sits in an authoritarian position. I worry that when the air from the highs this book promises, clears, there may be a lot of folks who benefited but also some very hurt people on the other side too. Dr. Nicole seems earnest in her writing but the moments that my intuition caused me to pause were more than I felt good about. Just like no two children live the same childhood, maybe no two readers live the same experience of this book. Either way, each reality is valid and I think that’s part of the beauty of diversity in human nature.
While this review is focused on what troubled me about this book, the 3 stars I chose to give are vibrant stars. Nicole appears to be an introspective person who has gone deep into her head and heart to unearth why she thinks, acts and behaves in the manner she does (and has historically). When this level of personal insight is met with a doctorate in clinical psychology, field experience, and excellent writing skills, the result can be a very powerful thing. After reading this book, I got the feeling that Nicole went on a journey of self-discovery and after many years of pain and struggle she came out beaming. And now she wants to share her process, knowledge and wisdom so that you too, can beam.
While this sounds good on paper and may be the driving force behind her work, I find it’s really not as easy and clean as that. My following critique is based on my intuition, which the book tells me to trust. The idea of being a self healer is valid, though I find the way it’s packaged in this book to be concerning. Yes, healing happens within the self, no one can do it for you, it is deeply personal, however, it simply does not happen on your own. I often felt mixed messages that led my intuition to have fears related to the power of this book and the impact that it could have on the vulnerable and impressionable people that read it. We are all vulnerable and impressionable in some ways I think (self included), and I believe folks drawn to self-help topics who are searching- sometimes desperate and longing, for ways to heal, grow and recover, deserve special attention. I found that Nicole would frequently say things like “you’re your own best healer” but I often found other unspoken messages to be present, messages like, I’m the teacher that can show you the way. This is the way to do the work. The more I read on the stronger that feeling got for me. After reading the book and sitting with my thoughts and feelings, the cover hammered it in. The title is “How to Do the Work” and it’s written in all caps in a pretty large font size, as is the author’s name. Hence, I got more confusing vibes. It made me think, So, I can be a self healer but you are shouting at me with this enormous font that doing the work means following you and what you have written? This is not me shaming anyone for the space they take up. Yes, Nicole and you and me and all of us, take up as much space as you want and feel you need, I’m giving an example of how my intuition stopped me and caused pause. There is no single book on doing the work and I found the title to be elitist. This planet is 4.5 billion years old, there are approximately 6500 languages spoken on earth, so many diverse cultures, various fields of science, do you really think that your content is what constitutes “the work”? A more fitting title to me seemed to be, “How I Did My Work.”
Dr. LePera has become hugely popular and with this fame comes responsibility. The millions of people that keep up with her on IG are literally called “followers” and that is powerful. In light of this power, I believe there needs to be (ethical) checks and balances of sorts in place, including a disclaimer stating from the author, this book is not therapy. It was written by a person who has a doctorate in clinical psychology (and is a retired therapist I gather), and is designed to help empower the reader to actualize growth and change using the *tips* she outlines but this does not = therapy. I found that not having a clear stance about therapy was like an elephant in the room. More confusing vibes. Without this clarity the focus on being a self healer felt like it was shaming to others who can’t be self healers on their own or through following Dr. LePera and may also need therapy. For example, the person who reads this book, tries to self heal and implement the tactics outlined but is still unhappy and may think, “What is wrong with me. Millions of people have read this work and can self heal, why can’t I? I’m such a _____.”
Additionally, there are power dynamics in play and I think mentioning and briefly discussing the complex topic of power differentials would have been important to include. Similarly, I think this book needs a more clarifying position from the author that her path is not necessarily the path to awakening for everyone. She does have a paragraph and “note on doing the work” but I found the sentence included to “…find your own version…” was not sufficient and needed more detail. It took courage to share the personal examples she did and doing so illuminated certain concepts and topics, I see the value in what Nicole shared. What I am saying is that without more clarity (or warning) at the get go and beginning of the book, someone who is impressionable with parallel family dynamics may read this book and feel hyper connected to Nicole and her story and think, I need to do x, y and z like her. She’s the doctor. I’m growing, choosing me, cutting off ties to my family and moving to California. The possibility of this felt scary to me. I felt worried about the potential damage it could cause to someone trying to “self heal.” I believe and know humans have agency, but to an audience of millions you can’t know where folks are on their path. Clarifying positions on certain topics are therefore critical in my opinion.
I also wonder if Nicole could have benefited from consulting and hiring a BIPOC mental health professional or colleague with a specialty in social justice and race, to read her book before it was published and have that person write a part in the beginning to the BIPOC community. Something like, “a note to the BIPOC reader.” Since Dr. Nicole does not seem or claim to be an expert on social justice or race, the times she mentions certain topics related to BIPOC issues felt disjointed, even if they were meant to be sincere.
My intuition had other moments of pause and alarm when I encountered something that didn’t feel right, and when reading certain things that didn’t seem true but were presented as truths. Page 25 “The reality is this: few of us have any real connection to who we really are, yet we want others to see through all of our layers of self-betrayal and into our core selves.” I have a big problem with the implications of this statement and find it to be loaded and simply untrue. Where is the data that shows only a few of us are connected to who we are and are you saying this is why we need your book (?) for you to show us the way? I felt scary underlying and hidden messages here. Page 29 “We are not evolutionarily wired for change.” I think we are. We may be creatures of habit who fear change but if we weren’t wired for it we could never have adapted and survived. That is central to evolution. Page 51 “Anytime an intrinsic need is denied, resentment soon follows.” Disagree. Sometimes a child may not feel seen or heard for lots of different reasons and I don’t think it automatically leads to resentment. (There is a thing called good enough parenting too, that would have been nice to see included.) Page 57 “Most of us did not have parent-figures who were able to identify, let alone regulate, their feelings.” Loaded statement again and I question the validity of this (not writing as a defensive parent here, I don’t have kids). Where is the data that shows most of us had parents like this? Page 96, last paragraph of the intermittent fasting part, “Anyone with a history of restricted eating patterns should not engage in this practice.” What if someone had anorexia 15 years ago and has not had restricted eating in the last 12 years? Your title and work are teaching us how to “recognize your patterns, heal from your past, + create your self,” so then, shouldn’t a person be able to heal from anorexia? (That whole fasting part was not helpful for lots of reasons.) Page 100 healing with movement and using yoga as the single focus. How about the low income person who works two jobs and can’t afford yoga (or sleep for 8 hours a day), why not include ideas like marching or running in place, or stretching- accessible content for wheelchair bound readers- as examples too. The point, things that don’t cost money and are accessible to different bodies. Chapter 10 on boundaries suggests avoiding using “you” language then the example given on 202 uses “you” six times. Page 212 language, “If you recognize yourself in this paragraph, I give you permission to put the book down, take a step away, and go back before continuing.” Give you permission- excuse me, what?! This language is in the reparenting chapter (!) and made me feel big control vibes. Page 217 “There have only been three times in my life when I honored my needs even though it meant that others would be hurt by my decision.” Nicole spent a whole chapter earlier telling us about boundaries and that having and enforcing them may hurt or disappoint others but show up for yourself and do them anyway, and gave examples of when she used them. A big premise of this book seemed to be specifically about how honoring one’s needs is something that with practice, can accumulate, and leads to change and growth. The statement that Dr. Nicole has done this “only” three times had martyr complex undertones to me.
Finally, the last chapter, I was quite excited to read it and for me it was a bum out. It discusses interdependence and I think that not including a section on service to others was a pretty huge missed opportunity. Giving back through volunteering and donating your time, resources and/or money to populations, causes and communities in need, and to organizations whose work resonates with you and that you want to support and see grow, are solid ways to establish connection to the collective “we.” Doing something that is *outside of yourself* can connect you to the “we” in a remarkably meaningful way. I felt like this chapter was more of an ego stroke to readers instead of a way to empower and inspire us to connect to matters that could truly advance the “we.”
Posting critical feedback on a platform like this, especially towards a female (I’m a woman too), is weird and uncomfortable because the person it’s directed at cannot respond and it would be cool if there could be a conversation between reviewers and authors. I do trust my intuition but I also know that confirmation bias is a real thing for many of us, and some of that feels present for me here. I decided to post this in case anyone could relate to my conflicted feelings and shares a similar tacit experience of the book. I felt mixed emotions after reading the book because some of the content is fantastic but other vibes were concerning. Using language from the book to summarize my concern, I’ll say that all in all, while there is good content, I worry there is potential for trauma bonds to be created or exacerbated between a vulnerable and impressionable reader (with a hero worshipper archetype possibly) to someone with strong features of a humanitarian who also sits in an authoritarian position. I worry that when the air from the highs this book promises, clears, there may be a lot of folks who benefited but also some very hurt people on the other side too. Dr. Nicole seems earnest in her writing but the moments that my intuition caused me to pause were more than I felt good about. Just like no two children live the same childhood, maybe no two readers live the same experience of this book. Either way, each reality is valid and I think that’s part of the beauty of diversity in human nature.
August 19, 2020
If you want to be guilt-tripped into not being mentally ill by someone with a history of lying and spouting pseudoscience, then this book by Nicole, the.holistic.psychologist on Instagram, might be the one for you. Otherwise, please don't give your money to a person who doesn't believe in social justice and the effects of social issues and racism on mental health, who has participated in a scam along with her spouse, and who uses her PhD as a selling point while disregarding scientific discovery and method. Please take the "teachings" of this book with a grain of salt, and follow actual holistic therapists who are informed on cultural-spiritual bypassing.
April 26, 2021
full of spiritual bypassing and a lack of intersectionality. Anecdotal rather than scientific. patterns discussed are self-perpetuating synchronicities rather than real effort. weirdly, her involvement with her clients seem incidental. they all "identified with an instagram post" and would then go do something (like take a yoga training) and be better! because they did work! unclear how the author helped her clients directly.
March 28, 2021
Like many others, I found the holistic psychologist on Instagram. I typically loathe influencers, and didn’t initially see Nicole as one. I saw her spreading helpful information within a potentially toxic platform. Her posts helped me. Then she said she was writing a book. I preordered it. I was excited about it. When it came I was disappointed - “How to do The Work” was not the title I expected to see on a book that was supposed to be helping people learn about their traumas and self heal. The work? Excuse me? Can we say turn off. Do trauma survivors need a mental boot camp? A how-to book that reads like plumbing for dummies? Is this the new psychological cross-fit??
So I start reading... from the start Nicole is not a good writer. The preface and intro were uncomfortably shallow and hard to get through without rolling my eyes. Is this the same person I followed on Instagram?? “The first step, a surprisingly challenging one, is to begin to imagine a future that looks different from the present. Close your eyes. Once you are able to envision a reality alternate to the one you’re living, you’re ready to move forward.” What? What is this vague nonsense I say??
I kept reading and of course there’s some good stuff. Any person can copy paste enlightening material into a book, sandwich it all together with some bland jelly, and call it their own. Sure it’s good that people are getting this information, but this book in particular feels kinda... weak. I’m scratching my head at her anecdotes. Is this an instructional for privileged white women who think that watching their mothers wring their hands at the kitchen window the ONE DAY their father came home late from work traumatized them? Good lord.
In order to see if I’m alone in my disappointment I go to the reviews here and the first one is a one star review claiming the author is a scam artist and has gaslighted BIPOC. Uh oh. As much as I want to deny and ignore this, I can’t. I get to googling and... sure enough, it’s out there. Many claims from women of color that Nicole has gaslighted them, blocked them, and is ignoring the community all together. Many claim she hasn’t done enough research in this area, which is crazy it being 2021 and seeing that BIPOC face way higher chances of having to deal with trauma in their lives.
And then, THEN I find out from the internet that Nicole’s partner, “Lolly”, aka Lauren Galvin, was sued and fined by the state of Pennsylvania for pocketing money from her own charity for the homeless! Look her up, you can find many pictures of her wearing virtue signaling shirts and posing with the homeless in order to raise funds that she then pocketed and put into her own bank account. She was once an inspiring force like Nicole, and as soon as her misdeeds became known and she disappeared, Nicole popped up on Instagram with her own tricky brand of influencing under the guise of helping people.
I just can’t get with this, and I’m writing this review to spread this information because once I learned about this shadiness I feel like it would be wise for people to not give her their money. I’m all about people learning more about trauma, attachment theory, polyvagal theory, and the helpfulness of many practices like future self journaling and other types of therapeutic “work”. But there are many other authors out there. And this shady lady is not trustworthy.
So I start reading... from the start Nicole is not a good writer. The preface and intro were uncomfortably shallow and hard to get through without rolling my eyes. Is this the same person I followed on Instagram?? “The first step, a surprisingly challenging one, is to begin to imagine a future that looks different from the present. Close your eyes. Once you are able to envision a reality alternate to the one you’re living, you’re ready to move forward.” What? What is this vague nonsense I say??
I kept reading and of course there’s some good stuff. Any person can copy paste enlightening material into a book, sandwich it all together with some bland jelly, and call it their own. Sure it’s good that people are getting this information, but this book in particular feels kinda... weak. I’m scratching my head at her anecdotes. Is this an instructional for privileged white women who think that watching their mothers wring their hands at the kitchen window the ONE DAY their father came home late from work traumatized them? Good lord.
In order to see if I’m alone in my disappointment I go to the reviews here and the first one is a one star review claiming the author is a scam artist and has gaslighted BIPOC. Uh oh. As much as I want to deny and ignore this, I can’t. I get to googling and... sure enough, it’s out there. Many claims from women of color that Nicole has gaslighted them, blocked them, and is ignoring the community all together. Many claim she hasn’t done enough research in this area, which is crazy it being 2021 and seeing that BIPOC face way higher chances of having to deal with trauma in their lives.
And then, THEN I find out from the internet that Nicole’s partner, “Lolly”, aka Lauren Galvin, was sued and fined by the state of Pennsylvania for pocketing money from her own charity for the homeless! Look her up, you can find many pictures of her wearing virtue signaling shirts and posing with the homeless in order to raise funds that she then pocketed and put into her own bank account. She was once an inspiring force like Nicole, and as soon as her misdeeds became known and she disappeared, Nicole popped up on Instagram with her own tricky brand of influencing under the guise of helping people.
I just can’t get with this, and I’m writing this review to spread this information because once I learned about this shadiness I feel like it would be wise for people to not give her their money. I’m all about people learning more about trauma, attachment theory, polyvagal theory, and the helpfulness of many practices like future self journaling and other types of therapeutic “work”. But there are many other authors out there. And this shady lady is not trustworthy.
April 6, 2021
I'm of three minds about this book:
1) I would have found it helpful at one specific moment in my journey, a few years ago. It may be particularly helpful for people who don't really consider themselves to have a trauma history, but have symptoms of trauma. It's not particularly earth-shattering as all of the info exists in other books in more depth, but it's a useful starting place for small-t trauma.
2) It might have been actively harmful to me at the very beginning of my healing journey, because I had experienced severe trauma and was still experiencing ongoing abuse and poverty. This book presumes a certain level of life stability (economic, emotional, housing, executive function) that is necessarily for self-led healing but is not realistic for many people.
3) Take #2 makes sense when you learn, as you will if you research her, that Dr. Nicole has a serious problem with ignoring and silencing voices that disagree with her, specifically women of color. Part of being an effective therapist is being able to regulate your own nervous system, and it seems she gets triggered and is reactive (for example, blocking WOC who ask her very reasonable questions). While that doesn't prevent her work from helping people—and I'm always glad to see more healing in the world—I can't in good conscience tell white people to ignore that. We have to hold each other accountable.
The more I've healed as an individual, the more I've been able to see and hold contradictions. Impact matters more than intention, and intention still matters. I can both imagine struggling as a public figure being held to accountability, and have learned as the result of being held accountable myself. We don't have to "cancel" someone in order to ask that she does better. And she can and should do better when it comes to race and inequality.
If you don't want to read/support the book but want to get started with simple ideas of trauma recovery and self-care, here you go:
1) Choose a tiny self-care habit
2) Love and accept yourself
3) Find cues of safety in your environment where possible
4) Be open to new stories
5) Healing is possible (and we can't do it alone, and that's not only okay but amazing...we are wired for community support!)
1) I would have found it helpful at one specific moment in my journey, a few years ago. It may be particularly helpful for people who don't really consider themselves to have a trauma history, but have symptoms of trauma. It's not particularly earth-shattering as all of the info exists in other books in more depth, but it's a useful starting place for small-t trauma.
2) It might have been actively harmful to me at the very beginning of my healing journey, because I had experienced severe trauma and was still experiencing ongoing abuse and poverty. This book presumes a certain level of life stability (economic, emotional, housing, executive function) that is necessarily for self-led healing but is not realistic for many people.
3) Take #2 makes sense when you learn, as you will if you research her, that Dr. Nicole has a serious problem with ignoring and silencing voices that disagree with her, specifically women of color. Part of being an effective therapist is being able to regulate your own nervous system, and it seems she gets triggered and is reactive (for example, blocking WOC who ask her very reasonable questions). While that doesn't prevent her work from helping people—and I'm always glad to see more healing in the world—I can't in good conscience tell white people to ignore that. We have to hold each other accountable.
The more I've healed as an individual, the more I've been able to see and hold contradictions. Impact matters more than intention, and intention still matters. I can both imagine struggling as a public figure being held to accountability, and have learned as the result of being held accountable myself. We don't have to "cancel" someone in order to ask that she does better. And she can and should do better when it comes to race and inequality.
If you don't want to read/support the book but want to get started with simple ideas of trauma recovery and self-care, here you go:
1) Choose a tiny self-care habit
2) Love and accept yourself
3) Find cues of safety in your environment where possible
4) Be open to new stories
5) Healing is possible (and we can't do it alone, and that's not only okay but amazing...we are wired for community support!)
March 23, 2021
DNF Only made it to 40% for many reasons, but mainly because as someone who works with those in eating disorder recovery, I cannot in good conscience support a book and author that tells people they should use intermittent fasting to heal their body.
June 28, 2022
I wasn't going to write a review, especially as this requires me to get personal, but I feel the need to do so considering there's a lot of negative reviews surfacing the top.
In late 2019 I was seeing yet another therapist, and she turned out to be the best therapist I've ever had, though I didn't get to see her for very long. She was the first to point out that I was suppressing my emotions, which was likely what was causing my body to break down (I have severe IBS and other chronic physical health issues). I think it was shortly after this that I found Nicole's Instagram and everything I read was completely in line with the work I'd begun with my 2019 therapist. As I read more of Nicole's work, it completely changed my life.
Around this time, I was also beginning to understand that some things I'd experienced were actually traumatic. Seeing Nicole talk about how trauma can be anything that was traumatic to us (anything that we didn't have the tools for coping with), and not just big stereotypical things, helped me to accept this. Seeing Nicole's posts about witnessing patterns and seeing our parents as individual people with their own traumas + histories instead of evil people out to get us also helped me to completely change my relationship dynamics with certain people (including people I was emotionally abused by). It gave me part of myself back and allowed me to essentially "let go" of some pain. Nicole also talks a lot about how living life chronically stressed can wreck havoc on our bodies and cause our nervous systems to break down. This is literally happening to me so it made so much sense to me (and again, it reflects what my 2019 therapist told me).
A lot of people have mentioned that Nicole's work doesn't seem very evidence based in terms of fact/science, however she makes loads of references which can be found in a list at the back of her book. Some sources she references will be anecdotal stuff, but there's a lot of actual research there, too. In fact, nothing she says has necessarily been invented by her. This new wave of psychology she talks about is full of other people who came before her, many of whom she has referenced. A lot of what she discussed, at least trauma-body wise, comes from Bessel van der Kolk's groundbreaking book The Body Keeps the Score (which Nicole referenced). The mind-body connection in terms of how stress makes us ill and how serotonin is made in the gut etc are things that affect me deeply. This wasn't even the first time I've read about those things (I first came across them while frantically looking for IBS cures years ago and I of course learnt about the brain-gut axis. I also learned about how important nutrition and good bacteria is), but Nicole was the first person to put it into context further and in a way I really needed to hear.
I don't always agree with how Nicole approaches everything either, but her book is getting 4 stars from me at this time because of how much her work has impacted me overall. For example, not everything she says applies to me because I've been diagnosed with BPD and I suspect I have C/PTSD. I personally think these things affect the effectivity of some of her methods. I also don't care if she rejects mental illness labels, but I don't because I like having a label that explains my behaviour as it means I can understand myself more and apply certain tools more effectively. I also don't believe that someone with mental and physical health issues as complex as mine can "self heal." I need a therapist to help me do it (and they will naturally reflect some of Nicole's work anyway), especially as some things we find online in the "social media Instagram mental health community" suggest doing things that alone could actually cause more harm. For example, many grounding techniques actually make me feel worse. I need a therapist to create an individual treatment plan for me and help me pace through it. I've done some things Nicole has mentioned (which I first saw on her Instagram page), such as witnessing patterns and thinking about how I ended up this way (also with the help of reading Jonice Webb's Running on Empty), but I'm not following through everything she says because, as I've said, 1) it's not all helpful and 2) I personally need support from actual professionals interacting with me (I'm on a waiting list). It would be far too overwhelming and detrimental for me personally to do all this work by myself. What I'm saying is that I've taken what was important to me from Nicole's book, which was a lot, but I've left the rest.
In a nutshell, How to Do the Work is just a summation of all of Nicole's Instagram posts, fully explained, in one place. Honestly, that's what I was hoping it would be. If you want more, you're not going to find it here. I would recommend this book to those who relate to Nicole's Instagram content, and those who feel stuck, have been through some trauma (for understanding, not self healing), have difficult relationships with others, and experience physical illness as a result of chronic stress/mental illness. The best chapters, for me, were the ones about trauma, how it affects the body, and how to try and heal (and the notion that we can heal certain systems in our bodies that have become oversensitive/dysfunctional etc), and the ones that talk about setting boundaries, reparenting, and paying attention to our inner child. I felt that the weakest chapters were the last two. I think that overall this book will either vibe with you or it won't. If you're not familiar with Nicole then definitely check out her Instagram (@the.holistic.psychologist) content first as it will be a good indicator of whether or not this book will help/speak to you.
June 2022: I wanted to add an update to this to say I am self healing and I do still use mental illness labels for understanding + resources, but I have been moving out of viewing myself as “disordered” and “mentally ill” and so forth. And for the record: I am finally improving a lot with techniques shared by Nicole and others who share similar ideas — especially polyvagal exercises.
In late 2019 I was seeing yet another therapist, and she turned out to be the best therapist I've ever had, though I didn't get to see her for very long. She was the first to point out that I was suppressing my emotions, which was likely what was causing my body to break down (I have severe IBS and other chronic physical health issues). I think it was shortly after this that I found Nicole's Instagram and everything I read was completely in line with the work I'd begun with my 2019 therapist. As I read more of Nicole's work, it completely changed my life.
Around this time, I was also beginning to understand that some things I'd experienced were actually traumatic. Seeing Nicole talk about how trauma can be anything that was traumatic to us (anything that we didn't have the tools for coping with), and not just big stereotypical things, helped me to accept this. Seeing Nicole's posts about witnessing patterns and seeing our parents as individual people with their own traumas + histories instead of evil people out to get us also helped me to completely change my relationship dynamics with certain people (including people I was emotionally abused by). It gave me part of myself back and allowed me to essentially "let go" of some pain. Nicole also talks a lot about how living life chronically stressed can wreck havoc on our bodies and cause our nervous systems to break down. This is literally happening to me so it made so much sense to me (and again, it reflects what my 2019 therapist told me).
A lot of people have mentioned that Nicole's work doesn't seem very evidence based in terms of fact/science, however she makes loads of references which can be found in a list at the back of her book. Some sources she references will be anecdotal stuff, but there's a lot of actual research there, too. In fact, nothing she says has necessarily been invented by her. This new wave of psychology she talks about is full of other people who came before her, many of whom she has referenced. A lot of what she discussed, at least trauma-body wise, comes from Bessel van der Kolk's groundbreaking book The Body Keeps the Score (which Nicole referenced). The mind-body connection in terms of how stress makes us ill and how serotonin is made in the gut etc are things that affect me deeply. This wasn't even the first time I've read about those things (I first came across them while frantically looking for IBS cures years ago and I of course learnt about the brain-gut axis. I also learned about how important nutrition and good bacteria is), but Nicole was the first person to put it into context further and in a way I really needed to hear.
I don't always agree with how Nicole approaches everything either, but her book is getting 4 stars from me at this time because of how much her work has impacted me overall. For example, not everything she says applies to me because I've been diagnosed with BPD and I suspect I have C/PTSD. I personally think these things affect the effectivity of some of her methods. I also don't care if she rejects mental illness labels, but I don't because I like having a label that explains my behaviour as it means I can understand myself more and apply certain tools more effectively. I also don't believe that someone with mental and physical health issues as complex as mine can "self heal." I need a therapist to help me do it (and they will naturally reflect some of Nicole's work anyway), especially as some things we find online in the "social media Instagram mental health community" suggest doing things that alone could actually cause more harm. For example, many grounding techniques actually make me feel worse. I need a therapist to create an individual treatment plan for me and help me pace through it. I've done some things Nicole has mentioned (which I first saw on her Instagram page), such as witnessing patterns and thinking about how I ended up this way (also with the help of reading Jonice Webb's Running on Empty), but I'm not following through everything she says because, as I've said, 1) it's not all helpful and 2) I personally need support from actual professionals interacting with me (I'm on a waiting list). It would be far too overwhelming and detrimental for me personally to do all this work by myself. What I'm saying is that I've taken what was important to me from Nicole's book, which was a lot, but I've left the rest.
In a nutshell, How to Do the Work is just a summation of all of Nicole's Instagram posts, fully explained, in one place. Honestly, that's what I was hoping it would be. If you want more, you're not going to find it here. I would recommend this book to those who relate to Nicole's Instagram content, and those who feel stuck, have been through some trauma (for understanding, not self healing), have difficult relationships with others, and experience physical illness as a result of chronic stress/mental illness. The best chapters, for me, were the ones about trauma, how it affects the body, and how to try and heal (and the notion that we can heal certain systems in our bodies that have become oversensitive/dysfunctional etc), and the ones that talk about setting boundaries, reparenting, and paying attention to our inner child. I felt that the weakest chapters were the last two. I think that overall this book will either vibe with you or it won't. If you're not familiar with Nicole then definitely check out her Instagram (@the.holistic.psychologist) content first as it will be a good indicator of whether or not this book will help/speak to you.
June 2022: I wanted to add an update to this to say I am self healing and I do still use mental illness labels for understanding + resources, but I have been moving out of viewing myself as “disordered” and “mentally ill” and so forth. And for the record: I am finally improving a lot with techniques shared by Nicole and others who share similar ideas — especially polyvagal exercises.
April 12, 2021
I thought this was going to be a book for white people about how to "do the work" of anti-racism. It is NOT that book. It's a book about healing from trauma (both big and small) and recognizing how past family dynamics and traumas ends up in bad habits or relationships. It is a good primer on mindfulness and other techniques that all of us who are striving to be healthy adults need to practice. At times, it veered slightly into skeptical claims about health but for the most part the advice seemed really useful and right on the mark.
March 22, 2021
typical pop-psych 101 self-help book. (her work on ig feels far tighter, more impactful.) Read dr's Gabor Mate, Dan Siegel, Pat Ogden, Bessell Van Der Kolk instead.
May 12, 2021
Not for me. I consulted with my inner child and he didn't care for it either. He mostly just wants to drink a squeezit and watch his VHS copy of the 1998 Rugrats movie.
April 29, 2021
This book is a terrible bastardization of different sects of psychology, that lacks content or trigger warnings, is full of claims with no sources, doesn't integrate concepts well, uses anecdotes to make pseudoscientific claims, uses judgmental and shaming language to those struggling, doesn't address oppression, and doesn't give credit to those who ideas she takes from. Don't read this, it will confuse the lay person and make those who know the field want to vomit.
Read
December 5, 2022I’ve been following this author’s work for a while now and I’ve nothing but respect and admiration for what she does.
I read this for my own personal reasons, but if you’re interested in:
•self-healing
•working through your traumas no matter how big or small
•becoming more self-aware
•recognising and understanding your emotions/triggers better
•and having that desire to live authentically
this is a great place to start. I also recommend following the author’s podcast and Instagram.
I read this for my own personal reasons, but if you’re interested in:
•self-healing
•working through your traumas no matter how big or small
•becoming more self-aware
•recognising and understanding your emotions/triggers better
•and having that desire to live authentically
this is a great place to start. I also recommend following the author’s podcast and Instagram.
April 3, 2021
This book was written by a white woman for other white women. If you are a person of color, PLEASE stay away from this book, it could do more harm than good. It seems like the author pulled all her information from tik tok and instagram therapist pages. Its a gross westernized white "psychoeducational" book.
March 13, 2021
Real rating is going to be more of a 4ish stars, not a flawless 5, but I have to say right now....
A psychologist who understands the importance of gut issues and nutrition when addressing mental health is always going to get a 100% from me.
Does a great job of tying together mind, body, and spirit.
Not exactly in-depth, more of a "general primer" loaded with the author's personal experience - but I think literally anybody can read this book and find it speaking directly to them in one way or another.
Really, really good.
A psychologist who understands the importance of gut issues and nutrition when addressing mental health is always going to get a 100% from me.
Does a great job of tying together mind, body, and spirit.
Not exactly in-depth, more of a "general primer" loaded with the author's personal experience - but I think literally anybody can read this book and find it speaking directly to them in one way or another.
Really, really good.
March 16, 2021
I couldn’t even finish this book, although I certainly tried too. Personally, not a book I would recommend to anyone who has suffered trauma or any parents for that matter ! I believe the author has a large social media following and practice which is wonderful for her and I am sure she has helped many. I just don’t think the book is very good.
October 16, 2020
The book as not yet been released. But I love the author's work, and I admire her so much. I've been following her on social media for a while and she has been a light in my life. I'm so grateful. So I think it's only fair to say that she does not deserve hate here. I know this book will be great. Come on, at least give it a chance.
August 9, 2021
To be reread, after I do some of the work mentioned in it. Until then, highly recommended.
March 13, 2021
This book is an up to date amalgamation of several self help themes which are all the rage in the past couple of years, and which you’ll undoubtedly have been fed via your Instagram feed if you’ve engaged with one or more self help ‘guru’ profiles. While many self help books prefer to deep-dive into a particular theme (anxiety, parental relationships etc.), this one seeks to provide a broad overview of the field, undoubtedly to give a teaser of the online content in the author’s online course/platform.
And it is just that, each chapter provides a basic framework without delving too deep into the science or origins of the particular practice. I found this perfectly fine, because I imagine the majority of people who will pick up this book would like actionable advice they can implement in their daily lives. Additionally, the content is well structured and flows well between chapters, intertwined with the author’s own journey.
In terms of actionable advice, the impetus is put back on the reader to do ‘the work’ in critically self evaluating and examining their lives and habits, using the provided prompts. The hope is this leads to some ‘ah-ha’ moments which point the reader in the right direction. This theme of ownership and independence in therapeutic approach has led to some people misunderstanding the book as rejecting all traditional therapy and blaming patients for their ongoing mental health struggles. At best these are mis-readings of the content, at worst, childish attacks on the author. I can understand why the approach might feel vacuous to those seeking uniform, easy answers for their problems, but in my experience, it is no different to what a traditional therapist might offer you in a session. Additionally, therapy might be limited to an hour every week, and I think it’s fair to say that the real work has to be done on your own, on a daily basis, for any significant change to be achieved. To the extent more support is needed, the book also refers to doing the work with a close friend, partner or family member, so I don’t find it isolating by any means.
In my opinion the book does a good job of drilling home the need to take ownership of your situation and make the necessary changes. Undoubtedly, more extreme cases will need more intense professional supervision and medication, but the recent findings in research have pointed to eschewing a medication first approach for mild to moderate cases. Further, for those without the financial resources to seek regular therapy, there are few other options.
There are sufficient references provided for follow up reading, especially if readers find the scientific explanations a little shallow. I think this is a result of the writing style, which appears to have been made as colloquial as possible to engage a wider audience, so don’t expect this to read like the output of a typical PhD. If you can overlook this, though, there’s plenty of value to be found, and ideally the follow up books on each topic will flesh out the content nicely.
For users of the self-healer’s circle, this book will provide more structure to the content, allowing users to dip into the chapters which feel most relevant, since they can also be read stand-alone. However, the narrative created from start to finish flows quite well. I can’t say the same for the BIPOC references in the first couple of chapters which seem to have been thrown in during late revisions to address some of the criticism levelled against the author’s approach. Given how broadly applicable the content of the book is, the criticism itself does seem puzzling.
And it is just that, each chapter provides a basic framework without delving too deep into the science or origins of the particular practice. I found this perfectly fine, because I imagine the majority of people who will pick up this book would like actionable advice they can implement in their daily lives. Additionally, the content is well structured and flows well between chapters, intertwined with the author’s own journey.
In terms of actionable advice, the impetus is put back on the reader to do ‘the work’ in critically self evaluating and examining their lives and habits, using the provided prompts. The hope is this leads to some ‘ah-ha’ moments which point the reader in the right direction. This theme of ownership and independence in therapeutic approach has led to some people misunderstanding the book as rejecting all traditional therapy and blaming patients for their ongoing mental health struggles. At best these are mis-readings of the content, at worst, childish attacks on the author. I can understand why the approach might feel vacuous to those seeking uniform, easy answers for their problems, but in my experience, it is no different to what a traditional therapist might offer you in a session. Additionally, therapy might be limited to an hour every week, and I think it’s fair to say that the real work has to be done on your own, on a daily basis, for any significant change to be achieved. To the extent more support is needed, the book also refers to doing the work with a close friend, partner or family member, so I don’t find it isolating by any means.
In my opinion the book does a good job of drilling home the need to take ownership of your situation and make the necessary changes. Undoubtedly, more extreme cases will need more intense professional supervision and medication, but the recent findings in research have pointed to eschewing a medication first approach for mild to moderate cases. Further, for those without the financial resources to seek regular therapy, there are few other options.
There are sufficient references provided for follow up reading, especially if readers find the scientific explanations a little shallow. I think this is a result of the writing style, which appears to have been made as colloquial as possible to engage a wider audience, so don’t expect this to read like the output of a typical PhD. If you can overlook this, though, there’s plenty of value to be found, and ideally the follow up books on each topic will flesh out the content nicely.
For users of the self-healer’s circle, this book will provide more structure to the content, allowing users to dip into the chapters which feel most relevant, since they can also be read stand-alone. However, the narrative created from start to finish flows quite well. I can’t say the same for the BIPOC references in the first couple of chapters which seem to have been thrown in during late revisions to address some of the criticism levelled against the author’s approach. Given how broadly applicable the content of the book is, the criticism itself does seem puzzling.
March 25, 2021
2.5/3- I found nothing new in this book. She identifies as a holistic psychologist and emphasizes that every person is capable of self-healing yet many of the long standing concepts of psychology (CBT, psychodynamic theory etc) were repackaged. Aside from the scandal that’s affiliated with this author apparently (I have no knowledge of that but it came up in reviews when I looked this book up) I read it with an objective perspective. Some of the journal prompts she offered were good but again.. nothing new or innovative in my perspective.
July 10, 2021
This book is awful for many reasons.
-The utter lack of subtlety in tokenistic afterthought mentioning of people under oppressive systems may have varying experiences. I laugh how this is included in almost every segment in the exact same superficial wording as a closing point except where it would be truly absurd and highlight how unpractical most advice is such as 'set a reminder for yourself at 5pm to begin winding down'. Write practical alternatives rather than just stating marginalised group x may struggle with this activity
-the utterly irrelevant need to self insert her own often absurdly shallow experiences always (why on earth would you think its appropriate to mention your own sleep issues in great detail over being a kid afraid of casual bumps in the night hyped up by icecream and soda in a book which aims to cover trauma intensely. just imagine reading this centering as a 'relatable example' in between stories of her clients who suffered childhood sexual abuse)
-absurd jumps and cherry picking to make conclusions. So many examples of this but going from highlighting the values of breathwork to stating shallow breathing may cause adhd is just dizzying.
But most of all and why i feel the need to write this review, this book really highlights why neurotypical people should deeply reflect on if they really should be writing about neurodivergency. trust me, 90% of the time you will look like an ignorant fool who promotes actively harmful framing reinforcing the stigma and taboo around these topics whilst toxically parading as 'healing'. I knew i was in for a ride when autism was first mentioned as a 'mental illness' grouped with depression and schizophrenia. This is literally your job, research what you are writing about and hear our lived experiences rather than dangerous backwards fearmongering narratives. The most brief of searches on neurodivergent issues would explain how infuriating and alienating such nonsense is. How is this promoting our wellbeing? How were you ever a psychologist?
At least this book made me gain a further appreciation for good writing in this genre. She can't even talk about yoga without relying on a harmful lense which shows a lack of care, research and nuance, aka focusing above all on benefits coming from 'advanced poses'.
Garbage. Read one of the books she heavily quotes instead rather than be stuck hearing her dribble on about finding deep insight in picking between where she wants to vacation or dancing in the street to a mumford and son song.
-The utter lack of subtlety in tokenistic afterthought mentioning of people under oppressive systems may have varying experiences. I laugh how this is included in almost every segment in the exact same superficial wording as a closing point except where it would be truly absurd and highlight how unpractical most advice is such as 'set a reminder for yourself at 5pm to begin winding down'. Write practical alternatives rather than just stating marginalised group x may struggle with this activity
-the utterly irrelevant need to self insert her own often absurdly shallow experiences always (why on earth would you think its appropriate to mention your own sleep issues in great detail over being a kid afraid of casual bumps in the night hyped up by icecream and soda in a book which aims to cover trauma intensely. just imagine reading this centering as a 'relatable example' in between stories of her clients who suffered childhood sexual abuse)
-absurd jumps and cherry picking to make conclusions. So many examples of this but going from highlighting the values of breathwork to stating shallow breathing may cause adhd is just dizzying.
But most of all and why i feel the need to write this review, this book really highlights why neurotypical people should deeply reflect on if they really should be writing about neurodivergency. trust me, 90% of the time you will look like an ignorant fool who promotes actively harmful framing reinforcing the stigma and taboo around these topics whilst toxically parading as 'healing'. I knew i was in for a ride when autism was first mentioned as a 'mental illness' grouped with depression and schizophrenia. This is literally your job, research what you are writing about and hear our lived experiences rather than dangerous backwards fearmongering narratives. The most brief of searches on neurodivergent issues would explain how infuriating and alienating such nonsense is. How is this promoting our wellbeing? How were you ever a psychologist?
At least this book made me gain a further appreciation for good writing in this genre. She can't even talk about yoga without relying on a harmful lense which shows a lack of care, research and nuance, aka focusing above all on benefits coming from 'advanced poses'.
Garbage. Read one of the books she heavily quotes instead rather than be stuck hearing her dribble on about finding deep insight in picking between where she wants to vacation or dancing in the street to a mumford and son song.
May 7, 2021
I was only able to make it about halfway through this book before I gave up. It’s written in a somewhat odd way - at times, it reads like a memoir, at other times, it feels like a textbook for an introductory psychology class (she seems to be very influenced by Freud and his theories, which doesn’t seem very holistic at all), and there are occasional splashes of stories thrown in about previous clients or people from her Instagram community. It feels very disjointed when she tries to throw in these personal stories, and they’re often not engaging enough to even drive her points home.
I also found it odd how she throws in small excerpts about communities of color - it felt like an afterthought that was thrown in and a few paragraphs really can’t touch on the nuances of mental health barriers and issues specific to communities of color. The ironic part is she attempted to address these vast systemic issues, but most of her advice regarding how to do “the work” was hyper-individualistic and, at times, victim-blamey. For example, she talks about eating healthier and getting more sleep (absolutely revolutionary) but doesn’t address systemic issues of being overworked preventing people from getting adequate sleep and healthy food being more expensive in the US.
Ultimately, the topics and advice covered in this book were very basic. It essentially boils down to eating healthy, sleeping more, exercising, meditating, and doing introspective work through journaling. At times, her advice seemed almost dangerous, such as recommending intermittent fasting (this didn’t seem responsible considering how often those who develop eating disorders have experienced trauma, aka those she is trying to sell this book to). I was also turned off at how she seemed to insinuate that therapy and pharmaceutical drugs don’t work - while reading books can be quite helpful on one’s healing journey, it could never replace these two things. It would be unfortunate if this book caused someone to not pursue therapy and/or medication in situations where it could be extremely helpful.
There were a few journal prompts I found to be very helpful, so I ended up giving two stars instead of one.
Ultimately, I found myself bored with the book. There is no revolutionary information or tips in the book - anyone who has taken any sort of introductory psychology class or does any form of introspective work is likely familiar with what she’s writing about.
I also found it odd how she throws in small excerpts about communities of color - it felt like an afterthought that was thrown in and a few paragraphs really can’t touch on the nuances of mental health barriers and issues specific to communities of color. The ironic part is she attempted to address these vast systemic issues, but most of her advice regarding how to do “the work” was hyper-individualistic and, at times, victim-blamey. For example, she talks about eating healthier and getting more sleep (absolutely revolutionary) but doesn’t address systemic issues of being overworked preventing people from getting adequate sleep and healthy food being more expensive in the US.
Ultimately, the topics and advice covered in this book were very basic. It essentially boils down to eating healthy, sleeping more, exercising, meditating, and doing introspective work through journaling. At times, her advice seemed almost dangerous, such as recommending intermittent fasting (this didn’t seem responsible considering how often those who develop eating disorders have experienced trauma, aka those she is trying to sell this book to). I was also turned off at how she seemed to insinuate that therapy and pharmaceutical drugs don’t work - while reading books can be quite helpful on one’s healing journey, it could never replace these two things. It would be unfortunate if this book caused someone to not pursue therapy and/or medication in situations where it could be extremely helpful.
There were a few journal prompts I found to be very helpful, so I ended up giving two stars instead of one.
Ultimately, I found myself bored with the book. There is no revolutionary information or tips in the book - anyone who has taken any sort of introductory psychology class or does any form of introspective work is likely familiar with what she’s writing about.
August 15, 2021
It's an okay book if you're going in not knowing anything about any of the topics she's writing about. But if your not new to the topics she's writing about, this might fall flat. Personally, to me, it feels like she's trying to cover so many different topics all in one book that the result is an over simplified overview. Given how well she can explain these topics on her IG I had the impression she might go into more depth on these topics in a book, but instead it feels like the book lacks focus at times. It all just stays on the surface of basic information that you could get presented in a better way if you were to just read the books she has listed in the back of "Suggested Further Reading". And there's some really great books in that section, like "The Body Keeps The Score", "When the Body Says No", "The Mind-Gut Connection", etc. that are better than this if you're wanting more in-depth information on these topics.
April 22, 2021
Keep an open mind when reading this book. As with everything in life, there are right things and wrong things on every side of the argument. Besides that, I found this book very useful for myself and when I become a parent. Lastly, taking care of inner trauma and living the present moment is essential, highlighted in this book.
March 16, 2021
DNF at 30%. Dry, crunchy mind-gut connection pith that everyone and their mother is familiar with. Pass.
April 3, 2024
I was actually given this book by my wonderful psychologist. She thought it would be a good supplement to what we are working on at the moment and that it was…
The book covers a wide range of topics but always comes back to what you can practically do in the day to add more compassion and consciousness into your life.
It covers everything from emotional maturity to reparenting skills trauma bonds with a pizza box epilogue to look forward to at the end.
It is very well laid out with a chapter per topic and at the end of each chapter there is practical ‘homework’ to be done.
I took my time with this book as to soak in all of what it was advising me but it could be read in a matter of days if need be.
Some of the exercises will definitely stay with me as i go forward into my daily journalling. Including future self journaling which is really useful at helping you to identify and move on if you find yourself getting ‘stuck’ in past conditioning or daily choices. The other practice I found really useful and have been using daily since is called future self journaling: consciousness building, it basically has a pattern of writing that encourages you to look more consciously at you move through your day.
I would highly recommend this book whether you feel you need to make changes or ‘do the work’…it is a useful and insightful book for all.
The book covers a wide range of topics but always comes back to what you can practically do in the day to add more compassion and consciousness into your life.
It covers everything from emotional maturity to reparenting skills trauma bonds with a pizza box epilogue to look forward to at the end.
It is very well laid out with a chapter per topic and at the end of each chapter there is practical ‘homework’ to be done.
I took my time with this book as to soak in all of what it was advising me but it could be read in a matter of days if need be.
Some of the exercises will definitely stay with me as i go forward into my daily journalling. Including future self journaling which is really useful at helping you to identify and move on if you find yourself getting ‘stuck’ in past conditioning or daily choices. The other practice I found really useful and have been using daily since is called future self journaling: consciousness building, it basically has a pattern of writing that encourages you to look more consciously at you move through your day.
I would highly recommend this book whether you feel you need to make changes or ‘do the work’…it is a useful and insightful book for all.
April 17, 2021
This book describes one persons journey who shared it with others. Her story is anecdotal. And it is only proven to work up until the time she wrote the book. She has a lot more life to live. How will she handle other life changes she hasn’t encountered since her “self-healing?” Motherhood? Death of a parent? Sudden unexpected life altering tragedy? New personal discoveries?
I do not believe this book is a how-to for others. It’s more a story of the authors self reflective journey. There are very few examples in the book other than the author’s. She has only a few scattered prompts in the book not enough to guarantee you will come anywhere close to the growth she has experienced.
The book is more like an introduction & infomercial for her online subscription service where you can do your own self healing work and get support from other members who also pay.
I’ve done my own “self-healing” work and I’ve had more life experiences than the author. I think she’s written her how-to book far too soon. She has more life to live and self-discovering to do and then maybe she’ll be ready to write a book of self-healing and growth. Maybe?
I do not believe this book is a how-to for others. It’s more a story of the authors self reflective journey. There are very few examples in the book other than the author’s. She has only a few scattered prompts in the book not enough to guarantee you will come anywhere close to the growth she has experienced.
The book is more like an introduction & infomercial for her online subscription service where you can do your own self healing work and get support from other members who also pay.
I’ve done my own “self-healing” work and I’ve had more life experiences than the author. I think she’s written her how-to book far too soon. She has more life to live and self-discovering to do and then maybe she’ll be ready to write a book of self-healing and growth. Maybe?
April 21, 2021
I had high expectations for this book, but found it disappointing. I’m certainly not dismissing the content in its entirety, as it includes some helpful tools for improving our internal dialogue and building healthier relationships with ourselves through a holistic approach to mental health and well-being. I found the chapter on boundaries extremely helpful. However, the oversimplification of defining and treating trauma feels problematic. The book instructs on how to self-heal from trauma, but mostly anecdotally references (what one may classify as) micro-traumas.
This is problematic in that these techniques are extrapolated as efficacious self-treatment methods for all degrees of trauma. This could be potentially harmful for readers who are first attempting to cope with severe trauma. The myopic presentation could be improved by including a chapter on approaching severe trauma with professional treatment/therapy coupled with a holistic treatment approach.
This is problematic in that these techniques are extrapolated as efficacious self-treatment methods for all degrees of trauma. This could be potentially harmful for readers who are first attempting to cope with severe trauma. The myopic presentation could be improved by including a chapter on approaching severe trauma with professional treatment/therapy coupled with a holistic treatment approach.
June 7, 2021
I thought this book was easily readable and understandable and accessible to anyone. It was written in an easy to understand format with concepts and ideas building on each other. I never once felt "out in the cold" or confused by the writing; apparently that's a big deal with me. I've felt with other books that teach psychological concepts that they can be wordy, confusing, deep, or not for the layman.
I follow this author on Instagram (@the.holistic.psychologist) and have long loved her straightforward and super helpful posts about being psychologically healthy. As her Instagram handle suggests, she incorporates the whole body into the psychological healing process: diet, exercise, sleep. She's a clinical psychologist in California.
She has practical steps toward the healing process: journaling, meditation, setting boundaries, etc. At the end of each chapter, she gives "homework". She will suggest that you spend some time thinking and journaling about whatever topic that chapter covered. She suggests that you daily journal to aid the healing process, getting negative thoughts out of your head, uncovering deep seated fears, ideas, beliefs that you otherwise wouldn't express (unless to a therapist).
She states in the book that she wrote this partly for those who are not able locationally or cannot afford therapy financially. She suggests that this book is a good starting place for recovering from any kind of trauma. I agree. I think that every person could benefit from this book no matter your upbringing because every one has trauma.
She talks about the mind and body connection and how fear, worry and anxiety can cause physical reactions in the body. She talks about how that shows up and what practical steps to take to fix things in your body.
I just loved this book! I borrowed from the library so I wasn't able to highlight. (sad face) I'm definitely going to buy this book because it's something one can come back to and read over and over again. This was so helpful!
I follow this author on Instagram (@the.holistic.psychologist) and have long loved her straightforward and super helpful posts about being psychologically healthy. As her Instagram handle suggests, she incorporates the whole body into the psychological healing process: diet, exercise, sleep. She's a clinical psychologist in California.
She has practical steps toward the healing process: journaling, meditation, setting boundaries, etc. At the end of each chapter, she gives "homework". She will suggest that you spend some time thinking and journaling about whatever topic that chapter covered. She suggests that you daily journal to aid the healing process, getting negative thoughts out of your head, uncovering deep seated fears, ideas, beliefs that you otherwise wouldn't express (unless to a therapist).
She states in the book that she wrote this partly for those who are not able locationally or cannot afford therapy financially. She suggests that this book is a good starting place for recovering from any kind of trauma. I agree. I think that every person could benefit from this book no matter your upbringing because every one has trauma.
She talks about the mind and body connection and how fear, worry and anxiety can cause physical reactions in the body. She talks about how that shows up and what practical steps to take to fix things in your body.
I just loved this book! I borrowed from the library so I wasn't able to highlight. (sad face) I'm definitely going to buy this book because it's something one can come back to and read over and over again. This was so helpful!
March 12, 2021
I’ve been waiting for this book for so long and it exceeded my expectations. I stumbled upon Nicole’s IG account when she first started in 2019 and her succinct and concise posts have helped me in ways I didn’t think possible. I have learned so much from her and used her Future Self Journal to create purpose and focus in my healing. This book expands on what she’s already shared and gives background from her personal journey. I highly recommend this easy to read, yet impactful and healing book. Nicole is a generous, loving, nurturing person who feels like a friend I know in real life. Thank you, Nicole! ♥️
September 29, 2022
I purchased this book an a whim based of “shelf appeal” and never again will I open a self-help book without first researching the Author.
The books covers a lot of how childhood trauma and the way we were parented can be a key factor to our daily habits and self talk as adults. While there were a few good nuggets and key takeaways throughout the book, her writing is largely based on her own experiences.
A simple skim through the reviews and you’ll see why Dr. Nicole LePera is so problematic and an author I regret supporting.
Overall, the books isn’t groundbreaking enough for me to recommend.
The books covers a lot of how childhood trauma and the way we were parented can be a key factor to our daily habits and self talk as adults. While there were a few good nuggets and key takeaways throughout the book, her writing is largely based on her own experiences.
A simple skim through the reviews and you’ll see why Dr. Nicole LePera is so problematic and an author I regret supporting.
Overall, the books isn’t groundbreaking enough for me to recommend.
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